


The Dollhouse

by PurpleMarmalade



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex is in living hell, Daddy Issues, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Horror AU, Insanity, John is off his nut, Kidnapping, Lima Syndrome, M/M, Mommy Issues, Stockholm Syndrome, Tinder dating gone wrong, Where John kidnaps Alex and makes him his own doll, tons of angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:35:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 78,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22978477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PurpleMarmalade/pseuds/PurpleMarmalade
Summary: When swiping right, Alex didn't think the gorgeous older guy in his pictures would later seal him the most bizarre, horrific fate. When Alex gains not only a match on Tinder, but also a number of dates with the charming John Laurens. Alex is beyond thrilled - the sky is the limit when he meets John.Until everything changes over one miscommunication and Alex later regrets not keeping his big mouth, shut. As usual, it gets him into trouble, but only this time, worse.(Reuploaded)
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens
Comments: 40
Kudos: 124





	1. Little bit of poison in me, I can taste your skin in my teeth

Through blurred eyes was followed with a grumbled yawn and there moving on his side. Alexander Hamilton, was met with the same pang of overwhelming pinkness as he was met with everyday.

Pink, lace, bows and glitter.

That was his life now, the kind of bedroom furniture and accessories that would only tickle a little girl's fancy.

Not an adult of twenty-two.

His own personal prison which was wrapped up as some kindergartens dream world. The insanity of it baffled Alex but apparently this was normality, according to John.

John Laurens.

The very same man he had met over a year ago on Tinder. Through boredom at two am in his dorm, Alex had been impressed at the sight of John. Tall, a gorgeous dimpled-freckled face smile.

Pretty glittering hazel eyes, a small uppity-nose. Stunning long brown ringlets half tied up and the other half in this bun. Also he looked younger than he was, a man of thirty one at the time.

The age didn't bother Alex, not one bit. Just getting a match with John and then a date with him had been enough.

Alex had been satisfied.

Everything had been fine, until -

"How's my little one been doing today, hm?" John hummed sweetly.

Great, John was back home from work.

Alex had been so far gone in his trail of thoughts that he hadn't even paid attention to his door unlocking. Inside he was screaming, just hearing John's voice sent him into a fit of despair. Alex didn't know what it would consist of next, what new crazy thing was John planning, what weird thrill or lace did he want Alex to slip into today or what ridiculous rule did Alex have to follow next. It was relentless.

Not to mention, the day dragged out like it did everyday, but today Alex managed to nap it off. It hadn't been too tediously long at least. Somedays it was so painfully boring to the point where Alex thought he was going crazy then and there.

Day in and day out Alex was made to sit indoors. Never allowed out of this apartment. This was Alex's personal prison, the reality of his life was a pink and glittered hell. The only outside Alex saw was through the windows and usually it was just of the clouded skies since they were that high up. The world always felt still to Alex and it was like time had stopped.

John didn't like telling Alex what day it was or the time much. He told Alex it was because he didn't need to keep track of anything anymore and to just enjoy his life here.

Also, apparently, dolls didn't need to know about the time of day or what month it was. Dolls had perfect lives John reminded him. Where no natural disasters happened, no deaths mentioned on the TV or the famine that still goes on across third world countries.

Then John also liked to let Alex know just how perfect his life really was, when he wittered on about how Alex no longer needed to work or go to college.

He had his bills paid, food put in his tummy, clothes bought for him, had the advantage of having taking a hot bath in the luxurious tub John owned and was also lucky enough to have a warm bed at night. It pissed Alex off since John loved to rub it in and the long hours he had to work over at his company. Alex already knew about John's job previously from when they first met and used to date.

John inherited his company off his father. He was set for life, apparently owned piles of properties, plenty of shares, the best references, everything. Unlike Alex who had been in and out of the system all his life. Left with nothing from his scumbag father and his mother had died when he was twelve.

But even then, when things were normal - when Alex had a life, friends, a part time job at the local campus Starbucks and John was just another guy he was dating off an app.

Alex scowled at him, his big brown eyes glowering as they bore into John's hazel confused ones and he flipped on his side away from him.

John is stood there with a vacant expression before he chuckles. He always found it highly amusing when Alex chose to act up. But Alex knew better than to show John attitude. He had been going through this for months, well, a year, actually. Any wrong move could potentially leave him starving for a whole week and that came with a red backside to boot.

However John never showed his anger.

He was emotionless, it was more of a chore, than fury when he had to tell Alex off. Nothing verbal mostly just a quick swat to teach him a lesson and Alex was most certain John got off on it too. The power he held, it got to John's head.

"Aw, you're still cranky from this morning." John says, he sighs as he did, his smile never falters though. It always creeped Alex out just how well John kept it together. Even when Alex pushed him, John never fully lashed out.

"I told you to eat your oatmeal, you didn't and therefore, I had to leave you hungry all day. You know the rules, princess." John tells him. " - But you're going to eat your dinner tonight, for Daddy, won't you?"

God, Alex hated when he referred to himself as his 'daddy'. He was only eight years older than Alex for christ sake. It just added to the creep-factor and made Alex want to punch John's face in. That's if he had the strength, otherwise, he would've.

Alex gave no reply, he snubbed John. Glared at the pastel pink wall infront of him. My little pony characters cluttered his view, Alex was sick to death of them. Annoying, high-pitched, whiny little bastards John always stuck on for him whenever they watched TV. Alex was only allowed to watch TV with John's supervision, no news, no adult films, no documentaries, only films PG.

It was a nightmare and what was worse, Alex was only given childrens books to read. He had begged, begged and begged John to allow him actual books but John refused.

There had been a time Alex had asked for a notebook and pen just so he could write. He had been so desperate to write, vent, release his thoughts on paper like he always did before his capture.

Alex lived for writing. But when John had sneakily read Alex's thoughts, his anger and misery. That had been the last time John gave him the freedom to even write. John reminded Alex that this was a 'dream house' and how only good vibes were allowed. He said that Alex should be happy, dolls were perfect after all.

Then John had told Alex if he wanted a pen and paper so bad, then he could only colour in the new colouring book he bought Alex or crayon a pretty picture. Alex never asked again - he wasn't submitting to this madness.

He told John he was a 'head-case' that day and that earned him a good bruised eye which didn't budge for a fortnight. Not that Alex really ever saw the damage since John covered it up with concealer. He had to keep the image after all.

"Won't you" John pressed, firmer. His voice still sweet. Alex didn't trust it.

So it was a threat then.

A nod came from Alex, he had to answer in some way despite him not feeling up to it. John's smile widened and his eyes glittered.

"Good, that's my good boy." John cooed. He's reaching a hand out to stroke Alex's hair and Alex wiggled from John's grasp. John still ruffled Alex's locks anyway just to show Alex who was in charge still. Alex hated it.

John trickles his long fingers through Alex's locks, one of Alex's pigtails have slipped from their hair-tie, it was okay. It was evening after all and John liked seeing Alex like this. Sleepy, dishevelled, vulnerable.

Plus it was almost time for Alex's bath and John liked to wear Alex's hair out for bed anyway. John smiled at the sight of it between his fingers, dark brown, silky and soft. Perfect.

"Aren't you going to ask Daddy how his day was?" John asks him, Alex sensed that provoking tone in all the wool like softness of his voice. It was always commands, everything.

Alex heaves a small sigh and turns to look back up at John. He puts on a sarcastic smile, squints his eyes that little bit and says, "Oh and how was Daddy's day? I'm sure it must've been a lot more productive than mine." It came off condescending, nothing new there.

John stared at him longer than Alex had liked. That vacant expression was on John's face and Alex was waiting for him to scold him for being rude. Nothing came though.

John pursed his lips and then suddenly reverted back to a bag of smiles.

"It was tiring but I get to come home to you, so everything is all better now." Alex nodded along as he said this. He had no idea how John could be so happy with this. Alex had a face like thunder most days, he was snappy, mean to John. He didn't know why or how John enjoyed coming back to a misery guts like himself.

At that moment John claps his hands together and he says, "Right, I'm going to make a start on dinner. Are you going to -"

"Yes, I'll wash up before eating. I know, I know - you don't have to keep reminding me." Alex hissed. John's eyes smiled a tad when Alex said this. Evidently annoyed by how bitchy Alex was being tonight.

"Okay" John said. "Make sure you do, I'll be checking and make sure you get behind those nails. Princess, I want you spotless."

Alex rolls his eyes and John gives his hair one last tousle before he gives Alex a soft but stern look. He's out the door in minutes and this time he leaves it open. Usually John would lock Alex in his room all day until he came home. With his room and the ensuite, he said there was no reason for Alex to be wandering around the apartment.

John had trusted Alex prior before today to be allowed to roam freely around the place.

This was at the start of this whole chaos, when Alex was new to his - new 'perfect' life. John hadn't expected to come home after a long day at his company to find Alex, akk but hanging off the balcony screaming for his life despite them being on the top floor and trying to climb down.

It resulted in John dragging him off the railing and forcing him inside. Then there had been a police officer who got in contact with John and John had to tell them that Alex was his ten year old cousin who loved to make prank calls. It ended in a two hundred dollar fine. John had not been happy at all. That had been the end of Alex's freedom when he wasn't home.

Until - John could trust him again.

It wasn't happening.

The front door had a code on it. No one was able to get in or out without it. Well there was a key, but, John always had it. It was either hidden or hid away with him when he went to work.

At this point Alex didn't know what to do anymore. He had cried himself to sleep countless amounts of times, from kicking and screaming at the dead of night. Waking John up, him trying to calm Alex down and warn him to be quiet otherwise he would be gagged for the night.

Then resorted to Alex trying to sweet talk his way out, he always tried to change John's mind about keeping his hostage, guilt trip him, anything. It didn't work, John saw past it and would ignore Alex's attempts.

Nothing worked.

The worst part of this was that Alex felt like he was becoming accustomed to this life. To laying down his amour and allowing John to rule of his entire being. From the get go of them first meeting, Alex hadn't expect this. John came across as a chilled, kind and lovely guy. But then he changed when Alex had rejected a particular kink.

They hadn't spoken in weeks after that, John offended and Alex unsure of what to do. But John kept texting him, continued to ask Alex back over to have dinner and to try again at dating.

That's when everything changed, John tricking him and Alex soon learnt that 'no' wasn't an option with this guy. There was only one way, John's or no way at all.

Groggily pulling himself up Alex let out another yawn and stretched. He kicked off the pink throws and shuffled his way out of bed. It was fit for a princess, well more like a teenage girl. A gorgeous white Parisian arched headboard and all the furniture to match. Alex hated the sight of it all, it was so overbearing. Too much.

Alex questioned time and time again whether John had a secret daughter he never told him about at one point. Although he never actually asked John in fear of finding out something dark or upsetting John.

After a good few stretches Alex strolled over to the bathroom. All his pink pinafore dress was creased, the shirt he had been wearing with the peter pan collar was too. Alex hated wearing them but John insisted. He was allowed to take them off since it was evening but John liked to get Alex dressed in the mornings, so he was ready for the day. Despite not even leaving the house.

Alex took a long and hard stare at himself in the mirror. He was broken inside, he really was. His lips wavered and he tried not to cry. He brushed it off with a small sniffle. He had to keep it together, he just had to. But hope was really lost by this point. John was winning. Freedom was long gone and Alex had wasted his shot at escaping.

With another small sigh Alex washes up, gives his face a swirl with warm water, his hands and shaves. John didn't want him growing any facial hair or have any hair at all on his body. It wasn't doll-like.

Alex wasn't allowed to even bathe alone. John had to do it for him, he was completely powerless to do anything by himself. After finishing up in the bathroom Alex begrudgingly went back into his bedroom and out into the hallway.

The apartment was spacious, huge even. It had an upstairs and a downstairs. Alex often wondered what the rent on the place was since it was in the city after all. Jokingly - Alex had asked him once before when they were going out. John hadn't told him though, he smirked at Alex and tapped his nose as if to say 'mind your own'.

So Alex had.

Now John's room was located upstairs and Alex's was downstairs. It made it easier for John apparently to see to Alex and manage him if needed. Alex was just glad he didn't have to share a bed with John. At one point when they were dating, Alex would've been up for it, by all means. He had wanted John to fuck the life out of him before today. Until this.

Alex couldn't stomach him.

In the kitchen John was finishing up with something. Alex had to admit he was a decent cook at least, he cooked fairly well. Alex didn't like to admit it. But he did.

Alex was only ever fed healthy meals, they only ate all the organic, lean, produce. John told him that Alex was a doll and that dolls needed to look their best. Keep a good weight, stay lean and pretty. Alex couldn't remember a time he had been this skinny. Probably not since he was a lanky teenager. That had been the last time Alex had been this small.

Before today, Alex hadn't been as thin as he was now. When he had met John and was dating him, Alex had a good bit of stomach roll at least and some arm meat. He didn't have the best diet but it was healthy enough. Alex liked to go out to eat, drink at bars and live his life.

That was gone now. John had made sure, Alex lost the weight.

But by god, Alex missed junk food. Sweets, takeaway, all the terrible goodies.

John wouldn't allow it though.

He didn't want Alex's appetite ruin nor his body. Even when Alex begged just one pack of cookies or something, it was always a 'no'.

John did allow him to have his black coffee though, one a week. That was it. He didn't want Alex's teeth stained again - John had bought and used a teeth whitening kit on Alex as soon as he had Alex in his clutches. Everything changed when Alex was kidnapped.

It made Alex feel terrible deep down, he didn't feel good enough and to know John found all these small imperfections. It made Alex wonder if John even liked him at all when they were going out.

John looked over his shoulder as Alex emerged into the kitchen. His pitter-patter of pink glitter slippers must've caught his attention.

"Could you please grab the spoons from the drawer" John asks him, sweetly. "We're having minestrone noodle soup for dinner"

Oh god, another soup. Alex pissed, shat and burped out soup. That was all he seemed to live on. He hated soup. It was boring, a lazy meal in his eyes and depressing. But it was low-calorie and that meant he wouldn't keep weight on.

"Why do we always have to eat soup" Alex mutters bitterly.

He's swishing the soup around with his soup, nudging some of the little noodles with the tip. He grimaces at it. John sees the way he does and sighs to himself.

"Start eating" John tells him and taps the edge of Alex's bowl with his spoon before withdrawing it away. Alex gives him daggers.

Alex doesn't and continues to play around with the noodles and bits of floating veg. "But why?"

Another hard stare from John and sigh.

"Because it's good for you. There's lots of vegetables, proteins and vitamins you need." John says, he eyes up Alex. "You're my little baby doll, I want you to be healthy."

Here they go again.

"But I'm not a doll" Alex hisses. "Jesus christ"

Alex knew well than to start off by telling John how he was a human being. John, he knew, Alex was real of course. But Alex was aware how much this fantasy meant to John. This whole false dream world they were in, it was ridiculous and John didn't like his illusion being shattered.

John sighs, bites his lip, he was keeping his cool but John easily blew whatever anger he had out of his system and remained back to his usual smile. Alex didn't miss the way his eyes narrowed though.

"Princess" John says, slowly. Alex already knows whats coming. "We've been through this, don't make Daddy upset. Okay? Not tonight, baby. I've had a very, very stressful day. Daddy needs you to cooperate, be a good boy. Please."

He didn't care if John's day over at the office had been tough. Alex was tired of being locked up, it wasn't normal, it was inhumane to keep this game John enjoyed playing for almost a year. Alex was pretty sure it was a year now or almost.

"I'm not a doll though! Why don't you get that?" Alex argued. John leant back there in his seat opposite Alex and he's crossing his arms at him. Patiently waiting for Alex to shut up while he vented. John looked bored.

"I'm a grown ass man!" Alex growls and he's pulling away from the table. John watches him intently to see what Alex's next move is. "We go through this shit almost every single day! When will you realise that this whole make believe bullshit is a motherfuckin' joke!"

John always took it personally when Alex said it wasn't real. It was real to him though, Alex was his doll. That was the scariest part and it worried Alex sometimes just how much further John would take this. How long he would be locked up with this weirdo for. He couldn't spend the rest of his life like this. Playing a role that was forced upon him, he couldn't.

Alex would die before that happened.

"Why can't you open your fucking eyes and come to terms with the fact that none of this is right!" Alex screams. Alex sees the fire in John's eyes roar. "It's abnormal!"

That was it.

"Right, another word and you're going on a timeout." John warns him, it isn't too stern but enough for Alex to reel himself back into his shell. Back over that wall he had built and had fought so hard to climb. Alex had stopped fighting John long ago. "Enough"

Alex huffed under his breath and glared hard at the bowl of soup. He could feel himself shaking, fury was building up and his teeth were clamped down on his tongue. He had to keep any obscenities he wanted to lunge at John to himself.

However the anger pent up too much and Alex moved backwards, his chair creating an awful screech that filled the room. John winced at the noise and Alex was standing up rapidly from his seat.

John's smile vanished and he's frowning at Alex. He didn't often. John liked to keep the 'positive' energy since this was supposed to be a life of luxury and perfection. But Alex wasn't some unobtainable dolly. He couldn't do this. Sometimes it all got too much.

Alex stands up, he's about to walk away and back to his room. John cuts his eyes when Alex's back is turned and calmly, he says, "Where are you going?"

Even his voice grated Alex's nerves. John was pushing it.

"Away" Alex responded snippily. "Away, from you."

He can't bare even looking at John.

John sits there, arms still crossed, his muscles bulked in his work shirt there and with that top few buttons un-done at the top. His hair still all tousled neatly into his bun and that smirk lay on his lips. Alex would've called John sexy if he wasn't bat-shit insane.

"And where is that, princess?" John pushed.

Alex's blood was boiling. He shoots John a look over his shoulder and John was still sat there. Looking cocky as ever, nothing fazed him. He had all this power to do whatever he wanted. Money, connections, the body and strength to keep Alex locked up.

"I told you, away from you." Alex growled out.

John twisted his mouth for a split second before singing out, "Oh, so, you're going pretty far then?"

Alex could hear the amusement in his voice. That only pissed him off more.

He knew Alex from the inside out - his anger, his outbursts, John could find a way to manipulate him. No matter how much Alex would protest, John always knew Alex would run out of steam. He was nothing but a horse, tied up, struggling and eventually he would drained all his energy. For Alex it was awful, he felt worthless, so helpless.

He looks down at the laminate wooden flooring, his slippers in view and Alex felt his eyes sting. He hated it when he wanted to cry - it was giving in.

"To my room" Alex grit out, he had to keep his voice steady. He wasn't giving John that satisfaction.

John already knew. Alex's tense form, the way he stood there so limp and useless. Alex was worked up and wanted to break down. "Come" John coaxed softly. "Finish your soup, you'll feel better once you've eaten. You're just hungry."

Alex stood there still. He didn't know where to go, his room or back at the table. If he went back to his room, he would wind up starving again until morning. Going back meant giving in.

He didn't know what to do.

His eyes were going blurry with tears.

God, he was breaking.

Not again.

Alex wiped at his face, he couldn't let John see him cry. But he knew John could tell anyway. "Princess, sit back down, please. Your soups going cold -" John says, Alex didn't budge one bit. He clutched his firsts in balls. Bit his lip and stewed in bitter silence.

John continued to watch him sharply until tipping his head back, sighing yet again and he roamed a hand over his forehead, stressed clearly. "I'll let you have a treat if you come back and eat."

Nothing.

"Alexander" John snapped.

Well this caught Alex's attention. John only ever said his actual name in dire times of need or when he was being full on serious with Alex. Alex could hear John's chair shift out from under the table. Alex waited for him to show up behind him but nothing came.

"Eat, now. I don't want to have to force you - not again. Baby, you know I hate force-feeding you." John reminded him.

That was another stress they often went through when Alex refused food or went into a fit of hysterics asking John to just let him die in his lowest moments. John pinning him down on the sofa or in bed, binding Alex's wrists together and usually have a jug of whatever it was John wanted to force down his throat.

"Don't make me do it, please." John says, gently. "Daddy hates doing that"

Before Alex had refused that way, gavage happened with a tube up his nose and it burnt like hell. Resulting in tears from Alex and John since he apparently didn't want to have to hurt his little doll.

As if he were the one having a tube stuffed up his nose, gaining a banging headache and being made to snort down still-warm soup. Alex automatically finds himself turning on the spot there where he's stood, sadly with his head hung he trails back over to the table. John's eyes light up again and he's smiling again.

"Fine" Alex mutters miserably.

He takes his seat back at the table, shuffled further in so he was up against it. John's eyes fell soft on him and he's gone back to eating his own soup. Alex watched him tuck in, his big brown glossy eyes empty against dubious hazel ones. Alex dropped his gaze to the soup he was given, he dipped his spoon into it and he's taking a small sip.

It wasn't half bad. But that wasn't the point.

What irritated Alex more, was how John probably ate normal meals throughout the day. He kept in shape, looked after his diet and health. Unlike Alex who was withering away by the day.

Then John had the nerve to play off this good guy to the public, acting like he was normal and this great person. Little did they know he had such a fucked up secret. He liked to play god behind his front door.

None of it was fair.

Alex took a few more sips before just dropping the spoon beside his bowl and leant backwards. His head still hug. "Done" He was nowhere near finished. But the thought of John leading a normal life, him here stuck, it knocked him sick.

John tilts his head like a puppy, his face confused. "But you've only had a few mouthfuls?" John says.

With a shrug, Alex goes, "Not hungry"

He shakes his head at Alex. "That's not good enough, no. You need to eat more." Alex shoots his eyes up at John and John's face was a pout of concern. Alex cheekily grabs the spoon and takes another mouthful before throwing it back down again. It clattered and both of them winced over the force it was tossed at.

"Princess" John mutters.

"Look, do you want Daddy to feed you? I don't mind. We can make it fun! Want me to do aeroplane?" John said grinning.

Oh god.

Alex's eye twitched. "No" He mumbled. John was such a lost cause.

John twists his lips again and he then went back to smiling, "What about the choo-choo train? Hm?"

This was a joke.

Alex looked up at the ceiling and sinks lower into his seat. He should be in college, graduating right now. Not sat here in child's clothing, eating soup and playing games with his nut-job ex.

"Rocket ship? That sounds fun, yeah?" John pressured.

Then Alex scoffed at him, glared at John and shook his head. "No, no. I don't want to play fucking rocket ship!" Alex snapped. "I'm grown, I can feed my fucking self."

John look taken aback, his face stunned and then he looked over to Alex's spoon in the middle of the table. "Clearly, not, princess." He says back.

Alex waves John off and he's angrily ripping the ribbons out of his hair.

This was some bullshit.

Alex was done.

The hair-ties were coming loose anyway and as he was tugging them out at full force, muttering under his breath. John's mouth dropped. "What are you doing?!" John cried.

"Taking these fucking things out -" Alex hissed. He's got one of the ribbon hair-ties out and he's actually accidentally ripped the pink ribbon off the tie. It fell down by his bowl and John was getting up then. Alex was in for it but he didn't care. "I'm sick of these goddamn ribbons! Fucking pink, glitter, ribbons, ponies - dammit, I hate it all!"

"You're ruining them! No!" John cries, clearly concerned and he's darting over to Alex's side. "Stop, honey. Stop!"

John always loved to put time and effort into Alex's hair. Making it perfect and prim as could be. He spent a fair amount on hair accessories too. John usually ordered job tons from online stores - packages of goods arriving at his door step, mostly though for Alex.

However Alex paid John no mind.

He ignores John's cries for him to stop because wrecking his hair up meant discarding this image. He fiercely rips out the other pigtail and tosses the tie across the kitchen. John then is grabbing Alex by the shoulders, compared to him, John's warm big hands practically engulfed his shoulders. Alex had never felt so small before today.

John shook him hectically, Alex wavered back and forth, John is going off at him. Shouting, cursing his name.

For a second Alex felt fear strike within him.

Then John props Alex up and leans down lower so he's right in Alex's face. Alex hatefully glared back at him, he wasn't going to please John by looking scared or remotely bothered that he had offended him and his stupid doll fetish.

He could feel John's nails grit into him deeper and Alex saw the way John's chest heaved there in his work shirt. "Why do you constantly insist on being so difficult?!" John shouts. Alex's eyes narrowed at him and John's didn't forget to cut back either. "Everyday! We go through this! Behave, be a good boy! Just goddamn behave!"

This was the real John Laurens.

It wasn't 'Daddy' or that amazing funny guy he portrayed to be outside this hell.

This was him and only Alex got the unfortunate privilege of seeing it.

"Answer me!" John shouts in his face, Alex squints as he does and tries to lean back. But John had him in an iron grip there in place there in his seat. "Right now, answer me!"

Fine, so Alex did. "Because I hate you!" Alex shouted back, his voice croaked as he did. John looked like he had been slapped, the hurt clear as day in his eyes. Alex, his dolly, hated him. "You're a dunce, a freak! That's why I'm being difficult! I hate this life, this - life you've given me! John, it's a fucking joke!"

The way John's face went actually gave Alex chills because the next thing Alex knew he was being hoisted up from his seat. Yanked up on his feet and Alex yelped at the harsh way John gripped him by the arm when he did.

Alex tossed and turned to get out of his grasp but nothing worked. John was taller than him, bigger than him. He managed Alex easily and was dragging him down the hallway. "Let me go!" Alex shouted as he squirmed. "Get off!" But John brushed his cries off.

This was all going so awfully nightmarish.

John was hauling him into the bathroom with Alex in a headlock. This surprised Alex by how rough John was being, he never acted this aggressive. Ever. Alex was even more stunned when John flipped open the bathroom cabinet, Alex saw John then reach for the scissors kept in there and that's when Alex freaked out.

"You don't want your hair all tied up pretty, anymore? Fine." John says to him lowly.

Then John has the scissors and he's riding them up against Alex's throat. It's another threat - obviously.

"Okay, that's fine. Just fine, sweetness." John sang.

It wasn't.

Alex felt the scissors blade dig into him that extra bit.

That just did it for Alex.

Alex is tossing and turning in John's grasp. John was taking those scissors, Alex sees how the blades glimmer in the bathroom light. His heart is pounding in his chest like a drum and he's on the verge of breaking down. "Daddy will sort it"

"No!"

With a burst of newfound strength Alex shoves John away. Alex bolts out of the bathroom fast and he's running down the hall. Completely unaware that John was strolling along after him. Alex ran through the kitchen, he runs to a drawer where the knives were held. He's grabbing any - he doesn't stop to pick and choose.

Then Alex is out into the huge living room. Some movie was playing, one Alex recognised and hadn't seen in a long time. Crime, action, something John wouldn't let him watch.

Alex ignores it and he's bolting to the front door. There it was - the gate to freedom and as usual, the code beside it. Alex's face crumpled at it, he immediately rams the knife between the door and wall. He's determined to pry it open.

"C'mon" Alex mutters under his breath. "Come on!" He cries desperately.

It wasn't working.

Tears were rolling down Alex's cheeks and nose. In a frenzy of it all Alex started to stab at the door repeatedly - again and again. The beautiful dark oak wood came chipping off. But Alex continued to dash the knife into it, battering that paintwork right off. Shards of wood flew out as he did. Alex's breath was erratic, he was determined, his eyes wild. He was getting out of here.

"I can't die here" Alex squealed to himself, he sounded pathetic. He knew that. "I can't... just can't."

When the reality hit him that he probably was never getting out of here. Alex slowed down his stabbing, his cries hiccupped aloud and he broke down. Alex slid down to his knees, broken, tired and ashamed of himself for ending up like this. "God, no" He squeaked. "Someone save me"

Alex thought of his dead mother's face. Her warmth, dark eyes, her smile and sweet voice. It had been so long since he'd heard it but it still echoed in his mind from time to time. Alex hoped to god if there was a heaven, she come save him or be there, collecting him, when he decided he couldn't take any more of this madness.

Withering in a heap on the floor Alex didn't even hear the padding of footsteps behind him. His mumbling sobs there filled the room and Alex's grip on the knife loosened, it slid out from his fingers and Alex was too caught up in his own misery to see the knife taken away from him.

John stood behind him, knife in his hands, twirling it around unbothered. He's watching Alex with a somewhat glum expression. Alex continued to cry.

"You really want to go out, don't you?" John said, his voice like wool. He rolls his eyes to himself and goes over to the code. "Alright, okay. I'll let you out."

Alex's cries came to a halt when he heard the door beep open and John opened the front door there. Alex sits up, his face a blotched mess with tears and rosy cheeks. John opened the door wider for Alex and he watches Alex crawl on his knees there out the door. It was so pitiful to watch if he were honest.

John bites his lip as Alex clambers out into the hallway. God - it had been so long since Alex was out here. The cold air hit him, that musty scent of cleaning gear from the complex cleaners and bad air freshener hit him.

It was vacant, dark and the elevator was at the very end. Light shone above it and Alex's eyes widened. John observed him, watched Alex pick himself up, he staggered as he did and began to walk away. He almost did until John clutched the back of Alex's shirt and yanks him back inside.

Alex yelped as this happened.

"John!" Alex squealed. "No!"

The door shut right in Alex's face. John made sure to slam it - proving a point to Alex that it was forbidden. He wasn't leaving. The slam caused Alex jumped in his grasp.

John smirked as he did. That only aggravated Alex more.

He wasn't leaving. Simple.

"No!" Alex screamed maniacally.

It had been nothing more than a cruel prank.

"No! Please, no! John, let me go, please!"

Alex felt like a little mouse being toyed with, cruelly by a big alley cat.

Another eye roll came from John and he pulls Alex with him to the sofa. He drops onto the long leather sofa and pulled Alex down in his arms. He tosses the knife on the coffee table before seeing to Alex, whose lay bridal style there on his lap. Alex continued to struggle but John held him still. His patience was saint-like only because he knew Alex would give up in the end.

John holds him until Alex looses fight and he stills there in his arms. Alex heaves, he's sobbing and shaking his head. John is hushing him gently like a doting father would do to their newborn.

"Sh, that's enough. Enough." John hushes him. He's rocking Alex. "You've worked yourself all up, hm? Now, now."

"Bastard" Alex says as he cries. "Cunt - you're a cunt!" He shouts there, using the remaining strength he had left. "Fucking cunt!"

John looked impassive as ever though. It didn't even make him flinch.

"Mm, that right now." John sighs, still, he looked fed up of Alex's behaviour. "Looks like I'm gonna have to chill you out, aren't I? Poor baby. You've certainly wore yourself out today, crying, lashing out and being naughty -" John projects his gaze over to the gashed front door. Alex lost himself to more sobs.

Nothing got through to John.

"- God, and here's Daddy thinkin' he's had it rough today." John says.

It was as if he hadn't really heard Alex's distress. It was all a game to him.

"But that's okay, it can be fixed. Daddy can make it all better."

Alex gave it one last go and thrashed around in John's arms. He wouldn't budge, nothing worked. Alex panted when he stopped, he's hot, he's exhausted and now he just feels dizzy. The Hunger, fatigue, anxiety all combined into one big headache for him. Alex's hair was swooshed back by John, Alex could feel his fingers flutter through his dark locks and John's tips massage his scalp.

It felt nice which was the annoying part.

"There, there. Daddy's got you." John tells him, he's rocking Alex. Smiling as he did. "How about, once you've calmed down, I bathe you and I let you have some desert? I'll even let you eat it in bed and put on a movie. Doesn't that sound good, princess?"

It did sound good. Alex still didn't want to give John the benefit of the doubt though. It meant he won.

So with one last desperate attempt, Alex decides it's time. He had been keeping this off for so long - but there wasn't any other choice.

He didn't want to have to go down this route.

It had been the very last one he had thought of and god he hated it, he detested it.

Alex steadied his breathing, John remained swaying him and smiling lovingly at him. "There, that's better now, isn't it?" John said to him. "Sh, there, now. Daddy's here, Daddy isn't going anywhere, baby boy."

Oh, didn't Alex know.

Swallowing the rest of his pride, Alex fluttered his eyes at the ceiling before closing them, damp lashes were being swept by John's thumb and John held him that bit closer. "Good boy" John says. "There, there."

Shakily Alex opens his mouth, he bites on his tongue and decides not to. Then quickly he realises he was to do this. His eyes slowly drift open and he can feel his adams apple bobbing in fear.

He's going to do it.

"Can -" Alex wanted to curl up and die.

John arched up a brow, he furrowed his brow for a second. "What's wrong?" John asks him.

Alex shot his gaze to the floor. "Can you..." It was coming, alright. It was spewing out of him like vomit.

"What is it?" John asks again, quietly. "Princess?"

Then Alex slowly shifted his watery, pink tinted eyes back to John. He had to look him in the eye if he were to make this believable. John was there above him, waiting. "Daddy" Alex began, he sees the way John's eyes widened slightly, he knew Alex hated calling him that.

"I'm sorry" Alex whimpered out. He just hoped his acting skills would pass.

Then Alex went back to sobbing, he wasn't really but he needed to gain some sympathy from John. "Daddy, I'm sorry."

John's brow softened and he's gone back to hushing Alex. "No, oh, sweetie. Baby, it's okay. Daddy knows you didn't mean it, you're just having a bad day. We all have them sometimes. I understand."

Alex mentally cursed John.

Then innocently Alex looks back up to him, "You're not mad at me?" and John shakes his head, laughing a bit as he does.

"No, no. I could never be angry with you. But Daddy just wants you to behave, if you're upset or not feeling well, you must tell me." John said to him. "I can make it better"

With a nod, Alex shuffled into John's chest and he even managed to force himself to wrap an arm around John's chest. It was a limp, shit attempt. But he did and John coddled him tighter.

"Okay" Alex says, quietly. "Um, Daddy, uh -" Alex closes his eyes to himself and he prays.

"Hm?" said John.

Here goes nothing.

"Daddy, please, kiss me?" It came out shy, Alex wasn't a shy person. But doing this - it took the world out of him.

Now this woke something in John. Alex could feel John stiffen.

"Kiss you?"

Alex nods and coyly he looked up there at John, his head resting against John's chest. "Yeah, kisses, Daddy. Kiss me?"

"You never ask for kisses though?"

True.

Alex had to becareful here - one mishap and this whole thing was over. John wasn't stupid.

"Need Daddy" Alex whimpers.

John's smirk grew and he says, chuckling as he did, "But you never want Daddy to kiss you?" That was true. At the start of this hell, John had tried kissing Alex on the head or cheeky but Alex always lashed out. So John didn't bother after that. He replaced the kisses with hugs or playing with Alex's hair instead.

Alex frowns, pouts cutely as he did. "Daddy, kiss me."

So John did. He leans down, drifts some of Alex's hair out the way, pecked him on the forehead.

"No -" Alex cringed at how awful he sounded. "I meant... on the lips."

John stared at Alex for what felt like ages. Alex was worrying inside that this gave it all away, his cover was blown. John didn't say anything, he looked somewhat unsure. Alex hoped John didn't back out of this. They hadn't kissed properly since their dating days and Alex remembered just how amazing a kisser John was. He couldn't allow himself to be swept away though. Not from one poxy little kiss.

He sees how John rubs a hand across his nape, scratching at the lone curls that hung down there. John was looking away for a second, Alex could tell he was considering it.

"Daddy" Alex said, firmer. He had to speed this up. Alex had to win John over. "Kiss me, now."

Automatically John darts his attention back to Alex. He leans down again, he's slow when he's pressing up against Alex and Alex waits for John's lips to meet his own. John hesitates for a second before slowly taking Alex's lips. Alex lay there and allowed him to do so.

John's lips, they hadn't changed. Supple, soft, thin and gentle.

They felt amazing and Alex had to admit - he felt better.

He didn't even realise that after losing himself to such thoughts of their old dating days that he was actually kissing John back. Fiercely.

John had been the one to end the kiss.

"Hm?" said Alex, he opened his eyes dazed.

He looked up at John who was beaming at him, his dimples in view and his hazel eyes burrowed into his own. "I think - that's enough for tonight." John tells him. Alex nods, he agrees. But those lips, they had left his own tingling, craving more.

"C'mon, I think we should get you ready for bed. I'll even give you desert, princess. You don't have to finish your soup." John then picks Alex up, he's easy to manage at this point. Alex wraps his arms around John's neck and John cradled him carefully as they're standing up from the sofa. "But don't make a habit of it."

"I won't -" Alex says, as he's being carried away.

Then without thinking, he ended with, "Daddy"

Somehow, Alex even managed to shock himself with that one.


	2. You were comforting and quiet, How did love become so violent?

Alex stood there waiting outside the restaurant. A meal was all they were having tonight apparently but if Alex played his cards right, then who knows what else could happen.

He twiddled around with his phone. Tapping his foot on the ground as he waited and continued to look around. It was only early evening, myriads of people were back and forth along the street. The street lights now lit, the odd homeless person walking past chanting his pot for more change. Some kids laughing in a gang with their music on blast.

Alex checked his phone again, it had just turned half-six now. He sighs, Alex was never usually nervous for dates but this guy, John who he had been talking to for the past two months was certainly something.

He interested Alex, their long passages of text they sent each other on the daily. Mostly on Alex's part, essays he would send John and John would send quite the lengthy one in return.

Alex was glad he didn't mind. Texting wasn't always everyones cup of tea - some of his previous dates had gotten annoyed with Alex over long texts. John said he liked them, they were something to wake up for in the morning and would cheer him up before work apparently. Good stuff.

Then Alex turned there on his heels and glanced into the window, thankfully no one was sat at the table he was facing and could just about make himself out there in the reflection. It was a bit blurred but he thought he looked okay.

His dark locks slick back into a nice bun, Alex remembered to even top up on his shaving too and neatened himself up for the occasion. He just hoped his attire of a simple white tee, a jacket over it, some jeans and his kicks wouldn't be too shabby.

He had one more look at his phone and it was now nearing seven.

Another quick peep at the text message and yes, it had been the right time they agreed on. This guy was late.

Alex leant back on the window and dawdled on his phone. Flicked up a page of some book he was currently reading online while he waited. It was a few minutes later than he hadn't even paid attention to the footsteps that edged towards him.

Alex was so far gone in his story that only the looming shadow in front of him which manifested over his phone caught his attention. At the very same time it did, Alex hear a deep voice say, "Well, well, well, what do we have here"

Slowly Alex drifted his big brown eyes upwards and he felt his insides tie in the biggest knot when he sees John standing there. "So is that what we're gonna be doing this evening, huh?"

Alex felt his throat hitch.

John.

He's real, very real.

He's gorgeous, he's grinning away at him and laughing.

Alex raked John up and down, John had the prettiest brown curls, tonight he had worn them down for Alex. His hazel eyes were lovelier in person and all his freckled accompanied with his dimples, they sent Alex to mush. God - John was gorgeous.

Alex's lips twitched and quaked into a smile. For a second he had lost his breath and wasn't able to speak. For someone who never shut up talking, this was what John did to him. Alex knew then and there that John was going to be the end of him.

"You weren't lying when you said you keep your head buried" John chuckled. Alex didn't think John would be this tall, while Alex knew five eight wasn't exactly tall for the average joe. John was a good staggering six one at least. A little broader he was, not too big. Alex could tell John kept in shape but he came across very lean too.

It kind of put Alex to shame since he wasn't overweight by all means but he didn't really go out of his way to hit the gym and his small belly pudge was at the back of his mind. Alex smiled wider and put his phone away there in his jacket pocket.

Realising that he was just completely full out gawking at John. Alex swallowed any ridiculousness that he was about to spew out on how stunning John was or full out saying 'fuck me right here, right now'. He smirked back at John, held up his head and goes, "Well, if I hadn't been kept waiting, I wouldn't be caught up reading now -"

Alex leant in that bit towards John, a gleam in his eyes. John's brow raised, he looked surprised for a moment that Alex was being this bold. "Would I?" Alex finished.

Then John's gone back to smirking and leaned closer to Alex too. "Suppose you're right" John said. His accent had this southern twang to it and instantly Alex could feel his cheeks catch on fire. He bit his lip and laughed awkwardly. "Hm, well. It's nice to finally meet you, Alex."

Alex arched up a brow. "No apology for being late?"

And John withdrew his hands into his pockets. "Ah, about that, I got caught up. Not to worry, since, I'll be making it up to you." John said as he grinned. Alex couldn't help but smile back. There was this warmth about John. He was so easy to talk to, seemed so chilled.

"Don't you worry bout' that" and he cheekily winks over at Alex right over his shoulder as he's turning to walk off.

Alex's whole stomach just flip-flopped. Oh god.

"You coming?"

"Sure, yeah." Alex said back, sightly nervous but Alex eased when John lightly patted his back.

He didn't miss how John's hand lingered that bit longer either. Not that Alex minded.

They head to a cosy restaurant which did great Malaysian food. John recommended it, said it was great and the food was bomb. The pair of them didn't wait too long, surprisingly for a Friday night.

"Must say, you look pretty damn good." Alex tells John as they're in line.

Well, John did.

Sure his plain grey tee under the black jacket he was wearing and his tight jeans were basic as hell. Alex did have a good and long hard look at John's thighs in them jeans too. He wasn't displeased - put it that way.

John gives him a little elbow. He's grinning down at Alex. "Look at you, already trying to get me to pay the bill" John cheekily said.

Alex smirks up at him.

And John eyed him down.

"I'll take that as a 'yes' then"

After the couple infront of them, some lanky guy and awkward girl. John and Alex were seated next by the window in the quieter part. Alex was thankful really because if they had been put near the bar or where the loud cackling pile of women were seated he would've gone mad. He wanted to get to know John after all.

It was pleasant.

Alex's beady brown eyes glanced around, he was taking it in. It was fairly dark inside despite the rainbow lanterns hanging from the ceiling with oriental designs littered on them did much to help. The walls were all brick, fancy minimal asian art works hanging off them. Long tables in one areas where people were having posh cocktails.

Alas the odd gang in the order on one of the booth tables singing 'happy birthday', badly, loudly and the staff coming out with a cake, sparklers blazing off it. Everyone cheering for whoever it was that was turning a year older. It was nice.

The odd waiter or waitress came charging past them, steam blazing off the pan they were holding. Alex's mouth immediately would water because everything smelled delicious. Alex had already made up his mind on what he was ordering.

And on the topic of tasty things, Alex soon remembered the snack of a man he had met this evening. John sat there opposite him looking perfect as ever. He was flickering through the menu and in between stealing glances at Alex.

Alex caught him staring and when he did, he arched up a brow. John went back to looking at the menu flicking, Alex assumed he was pretending. He was floundering across the pages, not really giving it the time of day. Plus John had been here before so it wasn't like he didn't know.

Then he's looking up at him again.

When John got caught this time, he just bursts out into a small laugh and sits up properly. Alex stifled out a laugh too.

"What?" Alex says, he's still grinning. It was so awkward but in a nice way. "You keep staring, weirdo." He joked.

John barked out a laugh, a full on, manly laugh. His dimpled cheeks didn't seem to suit it. For a grown man, he was pretty adorable. Alex found it amusing how that seemed to mesh as well as it did in a person. Still, it sparked Alex's heartstrings, he felt them twist and tug at the sight of John.

"You do!" Alex cried, laughing more. "What're you looking at me for?"

He sees how John licks his lips before smoothly responding with, "Well, I don't know, but it's looking back " John hummed. He pushes the menu Alex's way, leans forward and crosses his arms on the table.

Alex sees how intently John is staring at him even in the dim light of the restaurant. It was pretty intense and Alex could feel fire burning in his belly.

At his response, Alex huffs and lightly nudges John's knee under the table. His ridiculously long legs weren't hard to miss. John raised his brow at this and smirked. "Feisty"

"You could say that" Alex rebutted.

John tilts his head at him. Cute, Alex thought. Their eyes blazing into each others, John studying him the way he was and Alex enjoying how he was getting lost in a sea of hazel. They didn't need a candle lit there beside the breadsticks in the middle, peace and quiet or a violin playing some romantic tune.

This felt romantic enough, well, Alex felt it did. From the get go they had been looking at one another non-stop and Alex felt he could connect with John. He smiled as he thought about this.

Something was there.

"Just like a little lion, aren't you hun" John threw out.

The pet name almost threw Alex off. He didn't take John to be the type to dish out pet names. Still, what John had said before that made no sense. Alex furrowed his brow, he didn't follow. "What?"

"Nothing, nothing." John chuckled. "Alright, so what do you think of this place? Like it?"

And he watches John looking around again. He then looks to John, nods and goes, "I'm satisfied"

John laughs again, he rolls his eyes at Alex as he does. "Those singular answers... good god. You nervous?"

"No" Alex scoffed. "- impressed, yes."

"Good" said John, he shuffled that bit forward to Alex. "I'm glad you approve. So, Little Lord Fauntleroy -" Alex saw the cheekiness glimmer in John's eyes and Alex nudged him again. John is laughing again.

"It's Alex" He bit out, not really offended but Alex did like a bit of play from time to time. He had to admit. At least John wasn't boring.

John sighs, smirking, "Alexander, then. I can say, it is nice to finally be able to meet you." Alex feels like his face is aching from the amount of grinning he's doing back. He hadn't smiled this much in ages. "A pretty face to the long passages of text I get on the daily. Can't say I'm displeased with either."

Alex hears the flirtatious tone in John's voice. He's into him it seemed. Alex was glad, he had been on dates before and it was either he just wasn't into the guy or girl.

Then there was times where they weren't into him, usually bored of his chatter or bounced when they thought Alex wasn't what they wanted. Which hurt - so to meet John. Someone who liked him, it seemed like he did. All Alex hoped was that this went well.

"So, you grew up in the south?" asked Alex. John tilts his head again, furrowed brow and a small side smile to boot. "Your accent and all y'know. I mean it isn't as prominent as I thought but it's kinda there?"

John nods as he's taking a swig of his beer and saying, "Yeah, it's worn off, probably because I've lived up here for a while. But yeah, that's right, I was born and raised in South Carolina. Let me tell you now, it's a whole different cattle of fish down there compared to here. I wouldn't have it any other way, really. I love New York." He tells Alex. "Wait, I'm pretty sure I already told you that?"

Alex shook his head and then he says, "Don't want to go back home then?"

A shrug off John. "I don't plan on leaving any time soon, I mean, sure it's home. But my work, the company, my entire life is here now." he said to Alex. Then John's stare is practically lazering through him.

Alex is hypnotised by John's burning gaze. The corner of John's lips upturned slightly and they opened out with, "And I mean, what if I met the right man, y'know what I'm saying? I'd have everything I need, right here."

Their gazes lingered that bit longer. Until Alex swallowed thickly and he's finding himself on edge. He's looking elsewhere over to the other side of the bar. Then looking back at John.

"Suppose you're right" Alex tells him.

"Mm" came from John and he's taking his bottle for another swig.

And John smacks his lips, that bit of Sam Adams still glistening on his bottom lip there in the light. Alex has the urge to throw himself over at John and lap it right off him clean. That was what John did to him, gave him fantasies right there in public. Alex rests his chin on his hand as he's staring up at John.

"So, what are you looking for, be honest" John asks, not to sternly but enough to make a point across to Alex that he meant business here. They were on a date, not a friendly hang out. The two of them had been chatting for months on end, exchanged a few steamy photos. Nothing too rude - yet.

Alex had offered many a time, they always got so close and John would leave him hanging. He could recall John's last 'nude' was him topless, handsome as ever, lay in bed, arm behind his head, smugly yet hazily smiling and his bulge half shadowing the view from that angle. That was it.

Oh, Alex had been peeved

The tease.

But John did mention to Alex that he preferred to surprise in person, rather than rely on Snapchat to cover the evidence. Alex liked the way John thought too. For his eyes only, beautiful.

"I guess I'm just looking around" Alex said and shrugged. "Seeing what my options are truthfully"

John nods along, his warmth radiating off him and Alex relished it. John's sunshine aura soaked him. He looked like he got whatever Alex meant. John then sits up and says, "Well, yeah. You're still pretty young, so you're playing the field. I get you. I mean, you're twenty-one, was it?"

Alex gave a bob of the head, "Twenty-two soon"

"God, you're lucky." John laughs. "What I'd give to be twenty-one again"

"Oh, fucking, please" Alex rolls his eyes at John, grinning. John looked taken aback, he's smirking as he's downing more beer. Alex goes to grab his pint. "You look better than half the guys I know from class, in looks and age. Don't start pushing for compliments."

He can feels John's damn foot give him a slight kick under the table. Alex did it back. Their eyes locked again.

"You just did, Alexander." John says smoothly.

Alex cursed himself.

Jesus, he did. Dammit.

"Still, I appreciate it. Thank you."

Alex exhaled shakily as their eyes lingered.

Just then a waiter passed them Alex stopped him, mostly to break the tension for a moment, gather himself back together and ordered himself another beer.

John then asked if they could just go ahead and order since he assumed they were more or less ready. John points to Alex and Alex tells the waiter, it gets pumped into the little device thing he had. John gives his, that gets typed into the device, they order more drinks.

The waiter takes their menus and tells them their meals will be with them shortly. A quick 'thank you', done.

Once they're alone again, Alex is leaning in on crossed arms and says, "So tell me more about you, Laurens -" John perks up at his family name being used. So it was like that and there was a little twinkle in John's eyes because of it. Alex could tell John liked his bold side.

Well, John had no choice. Alex was relentlessly brazen at the best of times. "I get we've already spoke through text and all but... it's different in person. I get to see and hear you, the real you. Not just see a pile of words on my screen and go off of that."

John carelessly tapped away on the table with his knuckles, "What would you like to know?" John said beaming. "You pretty much know a lot that there already is to know though to be honest."

Alex points and him for a second, goes, "Not in great detail though -"

John chuckled. "This is why you should've met me sooner," John told him.

Which was correct. Alex knew he should've met John sooner. Alex grimaces and nodded.

"We would've had more to talk about, but, thanks to you and your texting. By now, you could've already wrote a biography about me" John laughed, he's grabbing his bottle for another swig.

It was a meer jab but Alex still boomed with, "I wanted to get to know you!" Alex cried. A man on the other table shot him evils for being so loud. Alex frowned right back at him before switching his gaze back to John. "I always do this before I meet anyone from Tinder"

"Aren't you cute" John says, with a smallish laugh. " - Why did you think I was going to be some weirdo?"

Alex shrugged. "Dunno, you could be. Could've cat fished me for all I know."

John laughs more. "At my age! Jesus christ."

"It happens" Alex said curtly. "Trust me"

Then John's eyes go wide and he leans forward, "Oh god, wait - has it happened to you?"

Alex shook his head. "Nah, but I've seen the show. Haven't you?"

"I've just about got enough time to go for a quick session at the gym in the mornings, sweetness." Another pet name, Alex's tummy did another loopity-loop knot. He was liking these, more and more.

John leans back in his chair, stretching his toned, firm arms around his head for a moment. He stares back at Alex, stupid smile still locked on his face. It was as if John was deliberately showing off, seeing how Alex would react and if he'd check him out. Of course, Alex was going to and he did. They're there right in his face, Alex can see John's arms poking out of his t-shirt.

They're stunning.

Oh, he knew what he was doing to Alex alright.

Sending him crazy.

"With my busy schedule, I can't say I have seen that show. I've heard of it though." John added.

He's put his arms back down and gone back to leaning on the table.

"Yet you've made the time and effort to see me?" Alex said, in question.

John broke out into yet another smile. This guy never stopped.

"Indeed, I did." He says to Alex.

Then Alex asks, "You work long hours?"

"Mm" said John. "I do, yeah. Really long, but, kinda expected you see, when you're the company president and all." John's voice went fairly meek as he finished his words. Alex's eyes were like planets.

"You're joking -"

John shook his head. "I wouldn't lie to you" He sounded serious.

So, Alex took his word.

Alex needed a moment to process all of that. He didn't ask too much about it since he suspected it may be too touchy to start probing John about everything business related.

So Alex asked another question, "Damn, uh, that's amazing. Really. It is." He said, then says, "- So I kinda remember you told me about your family" John peaks up and he's biting his lip as Alex speaks. " What's the deal exactly, you super rich or something?"

John snorted at that. "Uh, yeah, well. I won't lie and say I come from the average family, sweetheart." Alex's heart skipped again at yet another pet name. Ugh, he loved it. Alex felt his cheeks burn at it. "But we're pretty comfortable"

Alex nods. That confirmed everything.

"Now this is just from what I remember but having a huge, spacious, bed, that photo you sent me of the balcony view and the decking, nice clothes -" John ran a hand over his nape, he isn't nervous but laughed awkwardly. "A 15,500 square-foot apartment -"

John's eyes almost fell out of his head. "It isn't that big!"

"You get the picture" Alex said.

A small sigh came from John and Alex hoped he hadn't pushed his boundaries. Alex babbled like a gold fish spurting with, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound too condescending or anything."

"No, no. You weren't." John told him, Alex thinks, thank god. "Not at all, I mean you're not too far off from the truth there. Since my father is a CEO, does a lot of political stuff here and there. Runs companies, I inherited one of them -" John then moved forward, smiling gently. Alex hummed in response.

"As for my mother, she, uh -"

Alex nodded again and his eyes grew big intensified by everything with this beauty of a man.

"She was a doll maker." He ended.

Well, Alex couldn't help it.

_Pfft._

Alex didn't mean to snort. But he did, it just came out and he sees the way John's smile faltered. The gleam in John's eyes went out. Alex could tell he was a little offended.

Immediately Alex realised what he had done, he holds his hands up waving them around. "Shit, sorry. That's, um, that's different!" Alex rambled on. "Fuck - I didn't mean to be rude -"

But John wafted him off, chuckling as he did. Alex wondered if it was for show. "No, no. I got it a lot growing up, friends, family, other people I know said it was weird. Even my mother thought her profession was strange, but she loved it."

"Interesting profession" Alex commented.

John leans into his palm, Alex watches as John's attention drifts to outside the window. Hazel eyes meeting the sky line with all the glittering lights against them. Alex was in awe as he observed him. Still so shocked how he had managed to bag a guy like John for a date.

"Me and my sister, we would always play with what she made. They were these pot dolls, victorian themed clothing. My mother sewed them herself, amazing they were." John says, softness in his voice, Alex assumed mostly because of memories that were hitting home to him. Although, John's happiness soon faded and the smile turned numb.

"I just wish my father had liked them, even just a bit. He didn't like me messing around with the dolls." John huffed. His eyes still pinned on the evening sky, now pitch black with stars and no longer a deep milky blue on the horizon of sleep.

"Why?"

It was a dumb question to ask, really. It was. Alex wanted to slap himself.

John snickered, he's giving Alex a look. "Alexander, love. C'mon now. Ain't it obvious?"

"Hey!" cried Alex.

And John sighs, a lopsided smile on his face, "Honestly"

"Yeah, but, why should it matter if you want to play with dolls?" Alex asks almost snippily. John laughed at Alex's stress over the matter. It was sweet to see him worked up. "Who cares! I mean, it doesn't matter what gender you are! The fuck?"

John look touched from such concern.

"While I completely agree with that statement, it just wasn't allowed I'm afraid. Whole different era and living in the south, from the family I come from. Just ain't gonna happen." John shrugged at him. Alex can tell the matter is no doubt sensitive, he could see something more behind John's laughter and those eyes. Something happened. But Alex left it at that though."

As they talk more about John's life and other things. John quickly changes the record and asks, "So, I remember you telling me a bit about your childhood." Alex leant back and let out a small 'here we go' as John giggled. "You said something about an island and you being in the system?"

Alex nodded. "Yeah, I lost my mom when I was twelve. Dad walked out when I was a baby. I think I have one half brother called James, he's god knows where. Somewhere in Philly I heard. But yeah, I was born in Nevis."

"That's in or near the Caribbean, right?" John asks, scarcely.

So he knew.

"Yeah" Alex's smile went wider, glad John even knew where he was from. Not many people always knew. "Yeah, it's in there yeah"

Another sign Alex thought. Connection, connection. A connection was happening here!

"It's a tiny island, my parents had a fishing trade out there. Then things kinda fucked up after this hurricane, dad had an affair. My folks argued and he walked out on us. My mom got sick, uh, and she uh, passed away when we moved here and I got put into care really."

John's face dropped into a state of devastation. His brow all screwed up and his face soft. He genuinely looked moved by Alex's story. From many a time the people Alex had told about his past, dates, friends, people. They always gave a 'aw' or 'that's so terrible' but none of it ever felt like it mattered. It was forced concerned but with John.

Alex could see it. Feel it. There opposite him in John's eyes. John had this aura, this way that Alex felt like he could be safe with him. Just the overall general connection was nice. Sparks were flying and Alex was indeed, soaring.

"Jesus, Alex. That's - I'm so sorry." John quietly says. Alex twists his mouth, John brushes his leg alongside Alex's. Alex can feel his heart race again, oh god. Oh god. "Sounds like you've been through the wars, huh?"

"Guess so" Alex said, sounding a tad awkward. "I mean, you can't say I'm a boring date, though, can you?" Alex went back to his usual teasing smile.

And then John caught on, he leant forward against the table further. His gaze his fiery, he's smiling and it's making Alex feel queasy. All mish-mash and upsy turnies in his belly.

It was then that Alex felt a hand clasp his knee underneath the table. Alex's eyes widened and he sees John's smile do the same. For a second the whole restaurant, the whole world around them meant nothing. The music had tuned out in Alex's ears, all the people laughing was silent, his head empty for a moment. John was the only thing in his sight, the only thing that mattered. This gorgeous specimen of a man.

And good god, Alex wanted to get to know him properly. All of him, inside and out. He wanted to wake up with this man, the same one that responded to his trillions of texts. Alex receiving huge love messages of back, deep, affectionate nuggets of hope that the world wasn't all rotten. That it wasn't all shitty, cold, depressing and full of uncaring people.

There was some good in it. John.

While Alex knew he had wrote John palaces out of paragraphs, John wrote him cathedrals back. Smitten he was.

John squeezed his knee and huskily, whispered, "And I can't say this will be our last, either, baby doll." and he smiles once more at Alex. It's sexy, sinful even. Oh.

Alex bit his lip.

He liked that.

Just as Alex was about to say something back and place his hand on John's which he did for a split second, John's eyes going like saucers when he did back. Their food had already arrived and a new batch of drinks to boot. Everything was sizzling, it smelt amazing, the meaty juices made Alex's mouth water and John rubbed his hands together in glee.

The waiter was already dishing everything out infront of them. Alex shuffled back, allowing them to put it down and John smoothly withdrew himself.

But between the fumbling pair of arms in their way, dishes going down, glasses and bottles being put down, one by one. Both Alex and John did not once break the sizzling eye contact between them.

Like John had told Alex, there was many things yet to come.

* * *

Alex thought he was going mad.

Today, John had left him with only kids movies to watch and Alex thought if he were to endure another episode of My Little Pony or Barbie Dream house Adventures - which was rather ironic really.

Alas, Alex had experience of living in a said 'dream house' and in contrast to the notorious blonde bombshell, Malibu Barbie, it was a god damn joke.

It was like the heavens were out to play a good prank on him. The place was more of a horror house than anything.

Since it was from what Alex assumed to be Saturday, only because John had work the day before and today he was off. Alex had heard him loiter around the apartment. He could hear the vacuum outside earlier, sounds of mopping and a buffering machine. John's footsteps back and forth outside his room.

He always had a good clean up on a Saturday.

Alex relied on him cleaning on Saturdays.

Sometimes it wasn't easy to keep track of the days. Alex tried so hard to, he could usually start from the weekends when John was home and count on from there. But Alex's mind usually fogged up with despair, misery and he would forget.

Sighing, Alex sat up and he's looking at his thin thighs. John had dressed him in these weird pyjama leggings, pink with glittery purple hearts all over them and a frilly peplum pink night shirt. Surprisingly, though, they were actually pretty comfortable and warm.

Especially with it being as chilly as it was right now. But it was all such a difference to his old ways, throwing on a pair of boxers for bed or nothing at all.

John demanded all his pyjamas had to be cute or feminine. Alex had no choice but to wear them either.

There wasn't much to do. Again.

Alex got bored so easily being stuck in this room. TV, colouring books, countless amounts of stuffed animals and dolls scattered around the room. A big doll house stuck in the corner. His very own little tea table and chairs.

He lay back down, closed his eyes and sighed again. "Fuck" Alex mumbled aloud. "Fuck, fucking fuck."

Not very doll-like. But he didn't care.

John wasn't here.

Screw it.

"How the fuck..." He sadly muttered, Alex then slumped a arm over his eyes.

"What do I even do..." He felt so hopeless these days. Alex just didn't know what to do.

He had tried everything.

Alex panted, he clutched his head for a moment and took deep breaths. He had to get it together. It wasn't easy, he felt like he was going crazier by the day. Each and every day.

From planning his escapes, trying them and only failing them in return. It was no good - when Alex thought about it. He didn't know the apartment well enough. When him and John had dated, John had only ever really showed Alex the living room and kitchen. When they got rough and hot it had only ever been at Alex's old dorm.

John had never invited him back for sex.

Alex had been in John's room once or twice. Not for long until he was pulled back out of there. The other doors up there were forbidden. Alex guessed it was full of either personal belongings John didn't want him seeing or a crazed up sex dungeon he had built for when the time was right.

God, Alex shuddered at the thought of that. Fucking someone in a toddler dress, a pair of pigtails and Peppa Pig socks just wasn't up Alex's street. At all.

The more Alex toyed with the idea of venturing around the 'dream house' more. He wondered if he could at least find the code or something that could help him to escape. A way to hack into John's phone - anything.

Yet Alex wanted to explore the upstairs for any remains of John's past. Of course, John had told him the basics when they met. He told Alex all about his life growing up in South Carolina. His siblings, his controlling father and mother.

There had to be more of a reason why John ended up as deranged as he was. Alex knew he shouldn't care about how or why but he really did want to know more about John's background. John never told him whenever Alex asked. He always brushed it off. It only made Alex more nosey though.

Just then, the door jittered and its lock was being turned.

Alex immediately snapped out of his bubble of self pity and sprang upright there in bed. He's eyeing the doorway and as usual, his stomach churns when John appears.

Yep, it was Saturday.

John wasn't even dressed yet.

It's a shame really, John really was attractive. It was such a waste for someone like him.

Alex cursed it all.

Trust him to end up meeting a psychopath online.

While Alex was a grumpy mess, sat there with a face like a slapped behind. John was his usual bright-eyed self. Each and every morning he looked fairly cheerful. Whether it was an act or not, Alex had no clue.

"Morning Pumpkin" John chirps all happily.

It's all normal in John's world. This, the pink, the dolly outfits, the toys. It never ceased to amaze Alex still at times.

He's folding some clean laundry there in his arms. A few of the skirts, shirts and dresses were piled high. Alex glares as he's watching John put them neatly into his dresser. One by one, all folded, neat and perfect.

All ready for another day of misery.

"Honey?" John called out again.

Sighing, Alex had to reply.

So he muttered out, "Morning" and turns away from John. He tries to keep his attention on the TV instead. John was humming away some tune, sticking the last of the laundry into the drawers before closing them.

His back was turned to Alex and Alex had wandering eyes. He kept peaking at John's toned, broad back. Tanned, freckled and toned. Alex's mouth twisted and he's annoyed with himself for looking.

But he couldn't stop.

"Shit" He eventually said out loud. It was quiet but John still looked over his shoulder at him.

He gave Alex a look of confusion. Alex quickly placed his gaze back to the TV.

It was a pain how Alex had nothing sharp or anything useful to sneak up on John there. He could knock him out or stab him before bouncing out of here. But it was no good doing that, he still didn't have the damn front door code.

John turns to him smiling pleasantly. He's strolling over to Alex and Alex stares at him as he does. John takes a seat there on the edge of his bed.

Hefelt the mattress dip as John sat. Alex pulled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He rested his chin on top of his knees and glared at John.

John continued smiled at him, like he always did. Alex eyed him, he didn't know what John was planning.

He was perched up there in his grey sweatpants, also he's topless, his glorious abs there on show and stunning freckled toned arms. Once upon a time, Alex enjoyed those arms wrapped around him as they would kiss and fool around. They had made him feel so safe at the time.

Little did he know.

"Ready for breakfast, princess?"

A nod from Alex.

He just wanted to get eating over with and for John to leave him alone.

"Good, your oatmeal is cooling. But I'll make sure it isn't too hot for you to eat." John assured him.

Alex drifted his gaze over to the TV playing another episode of Barbie. It was as if John did it on purpose, but he's shifting slightly to block Alex's view. Alex looked back up at him again and frowned.

John's smile widened.

He looked too pleased with himself. Alex wondered what the catch was this time.

"So, sweetie. I've got to run out later once I've got you fed and dressed." John tells him. Alex wondered just what John would be putting on him today. Probably something utterly ridiculous. Glitter, ribbons, thigh highs.

The usual.

Alex found it ridiculous that he even had to still question it.

"Which means I'll have to put you back in here. But, I just want to know if you need anymore books or crayons to colour with? I can pick them up while I'm out."

Alex balled his eyes at John and then actually smirked back at John. Alex had an idea and John's interested perked too.

"What about an actual book with words?" Alex said to him, his sarcastic smile grows when he sees John's falter. "I'm twenty-two, John. I don't need kids books to tell me how a dog can bark and that an orange is - well, orange."

Then John is shifting slightly. He looked displeased. "Baby doll, we've spoken about this."

"I want a proper book" Alex stressed and he sighs. "Why can't I just have something normal to read if you're that intent on keeping me prisoner here for the rest of my days?"

John sighed aloud. "Little one, you speak too much. All these toys, games, look - you've got plenty to play with -" He gestured at the plushies on the shelves and dolls on the shelves. "And you've got a TV full of cartoons playing. Isn't that enough?"

Alex glared at John.

"Look around" John gestured to it all. "You have more than what most have"

Alex scowled at him. He hated being made to feel like the bad guy.

The plushies, the toys, the vanity table there in the corner, the TV, the games, the creep fucking dolls staring down at them all. Alex hated it, hated it.

"I'm fucking sick to death of cartoons!" Alex shouted.

John raised a brow at him.

And so Alex snorts. "What? You want to get the most of your Disney plus membership or something? You don't have to play that bullshit for me. I never asked you to!"

That's when Alex spots it. Uh oh.

He's doing the thing.

John's fingers were in tapping motion there on the bed.

One, two, three, four, five.

Alex swallowed, thickly and silently 'gulped' fearfully.

He knew what this meant, he was close to getting a smack or time out which consisted of nothing, a dark room, no TV playing and he probably would go without breakfast. Meaning he would yet again starve.

When it had been the beginning of this mayhem Alex hadn't paid much attention to those fingers. He had shrugged them off when he would see John tap them.

Then when he pushed too far once before, running his mouth, that very same hand struck him right across the face. Leaving Alex with a nose bleed. But John had been there to clean him up, a dab of his nose and him pleading Alex not to make Daddy mad again.

Therefore, he was currently testing John's patience.

Enough was enough.

John soon went back to his gentle smile, he squats down and he's reaching a hand out to cup Alex's. He squeezes Alex's hand and then knee as he did. "Shall we fill you up then, hm?"

"For fuck sake" Alex rolled his eyes and as he did, John clasped him that bit tighter.

Another warning for his attitude.

But Alex wanted to push it and just to see if he could change John's mind. "I mean, okay. Sure, I'm ready for breakfast and all but -"

John stared at him intently, waiting for the rest.

His hand still grasping him tightly. Alex could feel his heart pace run a mile, he hated it when John looked at him like that. It was as if he was trying to decode him somehow.

Then Alex thought of something from a long time ago. A memory of his foster father and him walking hand in hand along the cold streets of New York. Alex had been a scrappy little child, gleeful with tons of energy despite being an orphan.

It had snowed heavily that day, Christmas was nearing. So all the fancy decorations caught Alex's eye, all lit up, luminous and vibrant in a rainbow of colours. Alex had been there beaming in his little poof-ball hat and pointed with his gloved finger at the toy store.

Alex was taken inside and he could recall all the wonders of amazing new toys. From planes, control trains, soldiers and firetrucks that made plenty of noise. Alex did remember some of the dolls there on display. He had gave them a brief look but his interest towards them soon died down when a control plane caught his attention instead.

Suddenly Alex perked up and he blurts out, "You know dolls, us dolls, we all come differently. Some dolls read books, I've seen them! When I was a kid in a toy store, dolls in dollhouses, dolls that were doctors, nurses, dentists - some dolls were reading. All kinds of books!"

Alex tells him. John's mouth upturns and he's still glaring at Alex. "I mean, wouldn't it be good to give it a try? I'd be happy, you'd be happy. I'd be a different kind of doll. Some dolls are smart - like me."

John didn't look like fell for it at all.

So when Alex got no answer right away he budged close to John. He never really liked being up close to John often since his capture. It made Alex feel more than uncomfortable. Alex mooched closer, slowly and he's keeping eye contact, steadily with John.

He shakily reaches a hand out to John and places softly on John's forearm. Thick, warm, silky skin and Alex relished it deep down. He hates himself for it.

John went a little bit stiff when he did. Alex wondered if this was okay - even so. He had to try.

"Please" Alex pressed. "Daddy"

He pouts too.

And John bites the corner of his lip and he's heaving heavily out his nose.

"Daddy, please. Please." Alex chimed, he tried to sound all cute. Alex hated how child-like he sounded. It was so cringeworthy.

Hazel burnt through brown eyes and then John is the one taking Alex's arm. He tugged on Alex, yanking him forwards roughly and John leans in. Alex yelped as he did this, worried, scared of what may happen next.

"Don't think that I don't know what you're trying to do" John said to him, his voice deeper.

Alex furrowed his brow at his words, confused as ever. John huffed at him. "If you think this little act of yours if going to fool me, once again. You're wrong."

"No!" Alex cries. "That isn't it, all I want is something new to read!"

John shook his head. "You're a doll, baby. You're my baby doll, you're not supposed to read anything other than what suits you. I can't have you -" John stops for a moment, he's staring over Alex.

Then John's fingers are running through Alex's loose locks, he's ruffling them and Alex wore an expression of defeat. He just couldn't get through John at all.

"Although I appreciate you being a good boy for me. I often have to wonder, just what your intentions are." John tells Alex.

Uh oh.

John was seeing through his facade. This wasn't good.

"I like you being a good boy, it pleases me, you know that. But, when you're being a little... too good. It makes Daddy want to know, just what you're thinking up there in your little mind." John said. Alex frowns at him, he didn't have a 'little mind'.

He hated when John often implied that he wasn't as clever as him or how Alex was younger with less life experience. He wasn't some empty marionette with no brain. When it was bad enough, Alex had been through a ride since the day his mother died. His life had been a mess since then.

But that was one thing, John enjoyed, he loved, belittling Alex.

And for good measure, John pokes the enter of Alex's forehead. John tilts his head at him and he's still glaring. It was starting to give Alex goosebumps. "Whatever you're intending to do, kitten, stop."

Alex felt his insides drop.

"It won't work. It never works, it hasn't before and it won't again. Understood, princess?"

"But I'm not!" Alex griped. "You're always complaining how you want be to be obedient, now I am!"

John flicks his gaze away from Alex, it was like he didn't want to hear what he had to say.

"I'm not up to anything!" Alex tries again.

This time however John hushes him with a finger to the lips. It sends Alex crosseyed and he looks directly back to John, scowling at being shushed.

John shakes his head at him and then he leant it to one side for a moment. Staring Alex down.

Alex felt himself quaking.

"I know all your games, every single one of them. Baby, we've been through this before. Remember? You, trying to run away and that's not nice."

"Daddy, I'm not going to do anything." Alex mutters. "Just trust me"

A dangerous look in John's eyes emerged.

Alex squirmed.

"You wanted to leave Daddy. You tried to call the police when all I do is take care of you, night and day. You wanted to leave Daddy all on his own, you know how much Daddy needs you, sweetness."

John's fingers massaged his scalp.

"And you need Daddy. You do. And you know what else, hm, sweetheart? You have no one else. No one, you're a lost doll with no family, no friends and no one is looking for you. Remember that. You try and neglect your nearest and dearest, for what? A world that doesn't want you? No. You only have me, you have _me_ and after that little escape shenanigan, dangling off the balcony and almost dropping to your death. I can't have that." John told him firmly.

Alex's heart broke that much more. He felt tears start to gather.

"So now, I'm overprotective of you. I'm vigilant, I have to be because god knows what else you'll try and do baby doll. Just be a good boy. You've got so much to be happy for."

Alex felt his existence become that little bit more transparent.

"You are so loved, so loved. You don't need anyone else but Daddy."

This what was John always did. Reminded him that he needed him. Every, single, time.

John came closer to Alex and he's wrapping his arms around Alex slowly. Alex sat there letting John pull him into this embrace. Hatred swarming down in the deep pits of Alex's soul for what this man has done to him, what he's made him become. Nothing but a lifeless, limp, weak man - doll.

Fingers continued to patter around Alex's hair and John rocked them gently. "We need each other" John reminded him. He pats Alex back as they sway. "So no more tricks"

These big toned arms curled around him, Alex wondered how much harm John could cause him with these arms. He notices John squeezes him, gradually, it isn't too tight. But Alex sees it as a warning.

Alex switches his eyes back and forth at each tricep. Manically glancing at them, John can easily hurt him, he knows this. At the same time, the very same time, Alex was strangely content.

After everything.

John still made him feel, so, helpless.

He shook that feeling off and Alex returned the hug. His arms quaked as he slipped them around John's chest. It must've lifted John's mood up because instantly he made a sound that sounded like a moan and a laugh. He hugged Alex that bit tighter and Alex felt John peck the top of his head.

"I promise, no more tricks. Daddy." Alex said to him.

But even he didn't sound so certain about that and he was sure, John wasn't either.

For now, Alex hoped.

* * *

After breakfast and a quick bath, John had dressed him up in a pink skirt, loose white sweater, accompanied with thigh high white socks and today Alex had a pony-tail. A pink kitten scrunchy in it to boot. Alex sighed when he saw himself in the mirror after he was done up, he looked a wreck. John, however, said he looked perfect.

Well, at least someone was pleased.

John left Alex back alone in his room while he went out into the city. It was another afternoon of Alex surviving a Saturday alone bored. Until John came back from wherever he'd been and Alex had begged John during dinner to allow him to sit through a movie together. Any movie even if it was really shit, Alex didn't care.

That room was driving him mental.

Alex complained, pleaded, whined how he was bored to tears and in the end John, shockingly, gave in.

"Okay, fine. But if you're naughty, even just the once. You're back in here." John warned him there at the table. "For the night, got it?"

With a curt nod, Alex perked up when John pulled him up off the bed.

Later they're sat there watching television.

It was some PG rated movie and Alex is sat on the floor there where John had laid out a baby blanket. John was sat above on the sofa behind him, where he could keep his eye on Alex.

Every so often though Alex would take sneaky glances at John. Most of the time John was lay there, leg on the other seat and his other hung off. The sofa was enough for six people, it was long and cushy.

But John had ordered Alex to be seated on the ground. Alex frowned to himself since it was mostly a superiority thing. John looking down on Alex, keeping him in line, showing him who ruled the roost and how very move was being monitored. Oh, Alex hated it. The control, often he could feel John's eyes on him and they'd venture away back to the TV.

Also John often loved to toy with Alex's ponytail. Turn, tousle it and play with it.

Not knowing that Alex was baring daggers at the TV.

However whenever Alex did peak up at him, John was dilly-dallying around on his phone. Smirking at whatever had popped up or a low chuckle before typing back. Alex's stomach would drop. He missed owning a phone, social media and he found it sad how he didn't even recognise John's model. It must be new from Apple.

Then again, Alex had no business with the outside world anymore. He didn't know what was new or not anymore.

Alex remembered his beat up IPhone 7 and how John had smashed it up in front of him to prove a point at the start of this hell. It had been an emotional rollercoaster of a day because Alex had his hands tied behind him. Whist John hammered his phone to pieces and told him that this was now his life.

No more contact with other people, the outside world now long gone to him. While slowly breaking Alex's heart because he thought of his friends, his family. Everyone he knew and loved gone. Then John had ended with, dolls don't own phones. Any talk about even Barbie and ten year olds these days owning cell phones didn't get him anywhere either.

Before today, though, Alex had asked John if anyone was looking for him and John never gave him an answer. Alex presumed they had and he suspected John may have led them into another direction of their investigation.

John simply wasn't having it.

Jealously bubbled inside of Alex. John and his phone.

And anger at the memory of John breaking his.

Unfair.

Alex could easily act up, scream, kick and shout. Try to pry the phone off John and hide away then contact the authorities. But John would win, he'd win, tell them it was a mistake and Alex would definitely be in trouble.

The movie they were watching was boring trash. Some childish garbage Alex tried so hard to pay attention watching but his eyes always wondered back to John.

Alex looked around the room. There wasn't anything he could do to escape and even if he tried to knock John out, harm John, Alex would be locked inside here. He didn't have the code to get out.

"Daddy" Alex sang.

John looked over his phone at him. "What's up princess?"

"Can I get up there with you?" Alex asks, trying to be all sweet.

Ugh.

At this request, John arched a brow at him and then snorted out a small breathy laugh. "What?"

Alex pouted. Of course John heard him. "I want to sit with you"

And John is tilting his head, he's smirking at Alex and it turns into a somewhat more affectionate look. "Aw, baby. You're very needy, lately, aren't you?"

"I just want Daddy, that's all. I'm cold." Alex lied.

Then John generally looked concerned. "Do you want me to put on the thermostat? You're right, actually, it's not that warm." Alex shakes his head. John sits up a little as he's adjusting himself. "Then again, it has been snowing none stop."

Alex raised his brow.

Snow.

Outside.

That meant it was winter.

"Snowing?" Alex blinked. "What month is it?"

John waved him off. "It doesn't matter, baby. Sure, you hop up here, come. Sit next to Daddy."

As Alex climbed up beside him, John shifted so Alex could budge next to him. "Is it almost christmas?" asked Alex.

His question has John narrowing his eyes a tad. "And how would you know that?"

Alex crawls up next to John so that he's by his side, close and Alex can smell John's musky, almond, cologne. Once that smell sent Alex wild. Now, god, it made him want to hurl. A shrug from Alex and John obviously didn't want to let it go.

"Tell me"

Sighing, Alex looked up at John and said, "Does it matter?"

"It does" John said and pointblank goes, "You're my little doll. How do you know?"

Alex shrugged, "Dunno, just, one of the dumb kids shows had a christmas episode?" and this information must've irked John because his mouth twists into annoyance.

He mustn't have remembered kids shows did occasion episodes. John was trying his best to practically erase life from Alex. All the things that made up the days in the year, months and the seasons.

Alex knew that in John's world, Alex was no longer part of that.

He was his.

And his alone.

"I just need Daddy, hug me." Alex whined, changing the subject. He was trying to sound cute, it always felt so off when he acted this way. Alex squirmed up to John, hid his face and held his shoulders hunched as he did. Alex grimaced as he did. "Hug me!"

Having John hold him like this brought back pained memories. Alex liked to be held by John once, he didn't mind his touch once, he loved it when John had soothed him, kissed him and everything.

John had been his muse. But now, Alex's mind was trying to fixate on the perfect escape plan. How to get away before he gave up altogether and before - well Alex didn't know what John was planning to do with him exactly.

Surely, they weren't living the rest of their days here, like this.

"Kiss, me, again. Please, Daddy?"

"No" said John.

"Why?"

"Because I said so"

Alex cocked his head at him, he's trying to be cute. Whether it was working or not - well. "Why?" He pushed. John gave him a look. He gently swats Alex on his backside, Alex notes how John's hand keeps in place there.

He doesn't move it. Alex bites his lip as he does and slowly goes back to meeting John's eyes.

John's attention however went back to the TV.

"Daddy" Alex muttered, in a stressed soft tone. John simply hummed, his hand still planted there just on the space between Alex's cheek and hip. He continued to keep his eyes on the screen.

"Kisses" He said again, Alex kept his frustration at bay. He needed to keep it calm, steady and his temper with John at a rest. If only he could speed up this whole humiliating process of trying to win John over.

But he was still being ignored.

So Alex did one better, he frowned and then lifted himself up so he could crane his neck, quickly peck John on the lips and it caught John off guard because he jilts in surprise.

When Alex pulled away he's eyeing John and John stared back at him in awe. Alex wanted to laugh because John had looked startled, scared for a second. "Baby, what are you doing?!" John gasped.

Alex couldn't help but splutter out a coarse cackle.

"Princess, what did I say?" John scolded.

"I wanted a kiss, Daddy. You ignored me."

"Because I said no, listen, sweetness. I don't want this escalating and turning into a regular thing" John sighed, he shakes his head at Alex and frowns. "No more"

"I thought you wanted me to be affectionate" Alex whined. "And I am!"

John nods along.

"Isn't it what you want?"

Because, wasn't it? Alex had no idea what to even do.

"It is, baby. It is. But you're so pushy, honestly. What am I going to do with you." John says, softly, he's leaning down and Alex sees the small ghost of a smile on his lips. So he tilts his head back up and meets John's lips. It's only a quick little kiss, nothing major. Still, though, the effect John's lips had on him really struck Alex.

This was bad.

Alex felt his belly burn and he pushed away any desire to further the kiss. He had to keep this simple, lure John in. Get him to trust him. Alex knew he shouldn't buy into this lifestyle, John's lies and delusion. Alex knew from this moment he was slowly getting tangled in John's mess of a web.

He needed to get out of his hell hole - soon as.

John caressed Alex's cheek as he pulled away, smiling right against his lips and then pecked Alex's forehead for good measure. Alex felt himself burn up from the wool touch. John breathed out dreamily, he's resting his chin on top of Alex's head then and tousling the back of the ponytail he's given Alex today.

"Such a good boy" John cooed, quietly.

Alex cuddled up into John's chest, he overlaps a leg over John's hip and it always annoyed Alex just how much taller John was. Alex wished he was bigger, maybe if he was then this whole crazy mess wouldn't have started. Perhaps John wouldn't have ever forced him into this knowing Alex could take him down.

But being smaller, thinner, more petite. It was a no win.

"You'll be so perfect for Daddy, you will, this time." John says under his breath, almost huskily even.

It made Alex's skin crawl.

Alex is certain he isn't meant to hear this, John's gone back to watching the TV and Alex is looking up at him with a confused face. John never notices though, thankfully, because Alex is trying to work him out. John had a mind of a battlefield at times.

Alex assumed John let it out subconsciously. He didn't realise that Alex was infact listening, still, it baffled him. He couldn't understand by what John meant.

Suddenly the light pattering of fingers caught Alex's attention. He darts his eyes over to his thigh, half the god awful pink pleated skirt he had been forced to wear had rode up his thigh. However it was John's fingers, slowly in running motion were going up the curve of his thigh which had caught his attention.

Alex looked over to John. "Daddy?" He asked in question.

That was when Alex noticed John was staring at the large scar there on the side of his thigh. Alex watched John's face and saw the soft, sad smile on his lips. John's fingers remained there on the jagged pink scar and he's drifting his fingers around it in a slow motion.

"Daddy?" Alex repeated, a bit louder this time.

John let out a small 'mm' in response and Alex says, "What're you doing?"

And John's fingers pattered on the scar. "Nothing, baby. You go back to watching the movie." John then patted his thigh full on and smiled properly at Alex. "It's all fine"

"But you're staring at my scar?" Alex tells him.

John nodded. "Mm, I am. But, not to worry. Daddy's head is just in the clouds."

Alex snorts to himself.

Nothing new there then, John was always in fucking dream world.

John must've caught on to that, Alex could feel the slight grit of John's nails in Alex's skin. Only for a second though before his hand relaxes and goes back to being soothing.

Alex bit his lip on the inside, he had to keep it together. He needed to be good, for now. But trying not to piss John off wasn't easy. Alex always wanted to misbehave and push his limits. Just to remind John how much he hated his guts and to tell him that he was a shitty human being. It'd become one of Alex's favourite pass times.

"Why though?" Alex asks, he is curious though. He wanted to know what John was darkly conjuring up that messed up head of his. There had to be something.

John removed his hand off of Alex's thigh altogether and went back to running circles on his back instead. He cradled Alex closer to him as they lay there. The movie almost coming to an end and neither of them were really paying that much attention to it.

"Because I can, munchkin -" Alex cringed, closed his eyes for a split second at that pet name. "I'm your Daddy, I care about you and your body. Not to mention it's right there on display and seeing your scar makes Daddy feel sad."

Oh.

Yeah.

Alex scowls into the front of John's white shirt. It had been all his fault after all. But just being reminded about it, the memory of it - Alex tried to push it far, far back as possible. "You made me mad" Alex mutters, he hoped John hadn't heard.

He had though. John lightly swats his backside.

"Because you were being _bad_ " John tells him, firmly. "You misbehaved and yet you wonder why Daddy doesn't trust you to be out of your room, when he's at work. Hm? I don't want to have to sew my baby doll back together again." He ended bitterly. "We're not going through that ever again. Do you hear?"

Alex's face is crumpled. He remembered that day alright, it had been a nightmare. One of the worst ones him and John ever had during his capture.

Alex only recalls blood, his blood, how his vision had blotched and his mind went black a few times. The bath water going crimson, it was like something out of a horror movie - only except it was real.

Sadly, strangely, luckily, Alex had lived.

Whether or not him cheating death somehow had been worth it was still questionable. Alex often thought he was being pranked instead. Being made to live like this.

"Alexander"

John swats him again and Alex nodded into his chest. "Yeah"

"It's 'yes', yes what?"

Alex gritted his teeth together in annoyance before cutely replying, "Yes, Daddy"

And then John went back to the sweet circles rubbed on Alex's back. "That's my sweet boy, my good baby." Alex had to admit all this loving, it did feel nice. "Gorgeous you are, all mine. I'm so happy, you know that?"

With the outside being absent from him and John being his only source of interaction Alex had no choice. None at all and for John to show this side to him, the gentleness, the care, the love. Alex craved it - god, he knew he did.

"Huh?" went Alex.

He could feel his head go heavy, Alex felt so drowsy. John was amazing at lulling him to sleep.

John leans his head against Alex's once more, their foreheads touching. Their breaths tickling one another's faces, Alex sees John's faint smile there right upfront. Then it's gone when John's pecking his forehead. "I'm so glad you're letting Daddy kiss you again, I knew you would."

Not that Alex had much opportunity to kiss anyone else these days.

"Now you're being affectionate, a loving baby boy. That just... makes me so pleased. You don't even know how much either." John says, sighing as he did, dreamily and he's brushing his thumb on Alex's thigh for a second. Alex watches John hand there, John had gone back over to his scar and he's rubbing it lovingly. Round and round in small circles.

All that soothing was actually causing Alex to fall asleep. It felt so nice.

"Perfect, you're going to be perfect."

Alex felt his eyes drift shut for a moment until fully falling into the trap of sleep.

John's voice became hollow and sleepier too.

And the very last thing Alex recalled hearing was, "All mine, forever."


	3. Can't take it anymore, Sing you a lullaby where you die at the end

After a good few dates things were bound to heat up between the two.

From light touches it turned into hugs, then kisses goodnight. Not before long those kisses turned into full blown tongue wars and steamy make out sessions. Nothing more though. Not yet anyway.

John and Alex were comfortable with each other enough to start doing sleepovers. Although Alex had noticed just one thing, John was always staying over at his dorm. Alex had been to John's place once or twice but never stayed over. He just hadn't and John had never offered either which he noticed.

But Alex assumed when the time was right John would invite him back. John was very private, there were things Alex told John that when he asked him, John would always brush it off or never give a proper answer. But Alex, to be respectful, never pushed.

For now, Alex was just glad to have John in his life. He was gorgeous and lovely.

John had recently just turned thirty one too. He looked amazing for thirty one and Alex didn't mind their ten year age difference. John said he didn't mind either. He admired his maturity, said Alex may only just be twenty one but his mind was older. But other than that John didn't care at all and he was everything Alex wanted in someone.

Kind, charming, funny, held a lot wit, could handle a really offensive, yet filthy joke, didn't mind getting roughed up, sure John was loaded, but honestly, Alex liked him for him.

Not to mention, John had a really big heart and told Alex about all the charitable work he does on the side with his company. Dragged Alex to a nearby pet shop one Sunday and told Alex he wanted to adopt so many animals. Take care of them all, John was like a child on christmas morning.

He liked childish things Alex noticed.

They could be having a good conversation about something when they were having a bite to eat. If John saw an advert pass by on a bus or a trailer on a big screen for anything Marvel, something related to comics or anything of the sort, John turned to putty. Got all hyped up and pointing to whatever it was.

Alex found it cute though to say the least. John always found a way to fascinate him.

Then one Friday night in late October, Alex asked John over for pizza and some drinks. They watch netflix, they chill and John stays over. That's what usually would happen, this time though when they're lazing on the sofa together, half dressed and sleepy. Alex decides to do it.

It was now or never.

Now Alex was nervous.

Usually he oozed confidence, Mr Independent at his finest. But right now, all of that dribbled out of him. John made him that weak.

"I'll just ask you, outright, I think it's time and uh, I really hope, you'll say yes"

As he was resting there on Alex's lap. John made a soft hum and asked, "And what's that?"

Alex swallowed thickly, shakily, he pops the question, "Will you go out with me?"

He can feel John shift beneath him and Alex drops his gaze to meet two wide hazel eyes staring up at him in surprise. John's quiet for a moment and Alex panics inside. His stomach ties in knots.

"You're serious?"

He nodded at John, a little sweet smile which soon turned into a toothy goofy grin "After six months of dating, you practically know everything about me, I feel something with you, I do, this warmth like it'll never die out and I just -" Alex halted, John's waiting for the next batch of pretty words. His eyes glistening at Alex, lovingly, both their hearts brimmed with love. "It just feels so right, Jack."

John grinned at him, he sits up for a second beside Alex and John moves a strand from his face. Alex felt his cheek burn, he knew he was going red and it wasn't like Alex to be so shy. But with John, it was different. Having him just say 'yes' and knowing John wanted him back for real. It would mean the world to Alex.

He wanted John to be his and to belong to John.

"Alright, then. I will." John slowly says, his smile makes Alex turn to mush. And John is leaning forward, he's taking Alex by the cheeks and Alex melt under his hands. He moves towards John, he's meeting his lips and they kiss passionately.

"Hi boyfriend" John goes.

Alex's heart flipped.

"Hey, boyfriend" Alex said back, grinning.

Then they meet for another sweet kiss.

* * *

Sometimes Alex wished John would just die in his sleep.

Or maybe, get hit by a bus.

Jump off the subway.

Stabbed.

Get shot.

He didn't care, as long as the guy was gone, Alex didn't care at all.

Because, right now, John was testing him.

"Oh, baby, don't be shy" John cooed. "Give me another pose, love seeing you like this. Gorgeous."

Alex felt like a piece of meat.

Like an idiot.

Stood here infront of John trying a pile of ugly dresses on.

He frowned as he gave a small pose, feeling like an absolute idiot in the process. He wondered if John got off on this, whether it aroused him or not. Alex could never tell. John always seemed so chill.

Alex presumed it was an ownership thing, possessing something, playing with it.

"Again, baby, again"

So Alex did it for him again.

"For fucks sake..." Alex muttered as he did. John cast him a sharp look, despite his smile, Alex knew it would not go ignored.

Good.

"Okay" Alex then says, raising his voice and he's doing it again for John.

Alex's patience wore thin.

Then John moves forward there on the edge of the bed. He goes to tug at the corset's ribbon and swishes his thumb around its silkiness. Relishing it and he's smiling to himself, obviously in some kind of weird haze.

Alex pulled a face as he watched John. Then it reverted back to its usual blank lifeless state when John flickered his eyes up at him. That gorgeous dimpled smile of his, it always unhinged Alex. Always, no matter how much he wanted John to vanish off the face of the earth. That smile did the worst to him.

John had such a spell over him.

"Aw, it looks gorgeous on you. Baby doll, give Daddy another twirl." John tells Alex and waddles his finger in a circular motion as he did. Alex glared at him.

This was truly awful.

John had bought Alex yet another haul of ridiculousness. More pink, more frills, dresses.

"I look stupid" Alex hisses. He scowls at himself there in the mirror, this dress, it was hideous. Even girls nowadays wouldn't want to wear anything like this. It was so colonial, so old fashioned and creepy. Something a little dead girl in a horror movie would wear.

But John could only laugh at him. He's shaking his head as he does, never taking Alex serious. "Don't be silly, you look like a dream. Alright, you can take that one off and try on this now" John says, he eyes Alex up and down like a snack.

Alex has no idea how this all gets John off whatsoever. Then he remembered, John had never really told him why dolls were such an obsession for him.

He knew his mother used to make dolls but Alex wasn't sure that was the reason for this.

John then grabs another dress from the opened package. It was this huge big brown cardboard box just full of dresses and other accessories. Just heaps and heaps of useless shit.

Alex sighs softly, there really was no point in arguing anymore. The new dress he's given is light blue, it's a pretty colour, Alex had admit he liked the colour. It had a corset detail at the front in a lighter hue and some silky underskirt. Alex swirls it on its hanger for a better look and John is sat there infront of him, hearts in his eyes and dying in anticipation like an overgrown child.

"Try it" John urges. "You're going to look so pretty in this one, sweetie. It's Daddy's favourite."

So with a sigh, Alex slips off the current dress he's wearing, John helps Alex pull it over his head. Alex always hated being half naked infront of John now that they weren't an item anymore. Since his capture, he hated showing his body to John. He always critisied it and stared at him too much. It made Alex feel so on edge.

John had never been as picky when they were dating.

He never commented on Alex's body, but he never complimented it much either. John didn't seem to really care much about Alex's extra belly pudge or his lack of muscles and scrawniness. Alex had always been into writing, studying, he didn't care about working out. All of his friends, those guys were into lifting and sweating out on the daily at the gym. Alex, not so much.

When they first started going out John had asked if Alex was into any activities, any at all and Alex explained that he wasn't. He walked more if anything, Alex walked it everywhere if he could just for the exercise. But in terms of sports, nothing. John hadn't said much on the matter, he had only been curious. He gave Alex enough love and that had been fine.

But as soon as John refused to let Alex go, to walk away from him after that encounter between them. That was when John's true colours revealed and he hurled all sorts at Alex. Stating how his 'babydoll was eating too much. Also saying how he was going to sort that out right away because 'Alex was never seeing the outside world again and that he wanted Alex for himself, looking the best he could be'.

Alex had been mortified, upset and extremely scared. John was bigger than him, heftier and could easily hurt him. So escaping had failed on Alex's part and the new lifestyle that John had him adapt to, it caused Alex to lose so much weight. He hadn't any choice in the matter either.

Little portions, low calorie meals and Alex's rebellion only earned him weeks without food. Naturally, he went smaller and Alex was the skinniest he'd ever been in his entire life.

He felt weak on a daily basis. Cold and past the stage of hunger.

It seemed John preferred him like this. He loved seeing Alex beautifully broken, fragile, defenceless.

The way he looked at Alex, his eyes held this dreamy tint and the way he would move his hands all over is body. Feeling the bony crevasses, his lithe figure and John loved to man handle Alex whenever he could.

Alex hated it.

He hated it all.

"Where do you even buy these from? Shops don't even sell this type of shit" Alex muttered.

He feels John lightly swat him on the backside, Alex frowned when John did.

"Baby doll" John scolded, tone soft.

Alex rolled his eyes. So he decided to just go ahead with it and climbed into the dress, he ignored John's intense staring as he did. Lapping him with his those eyes, enjoying this clearly as he was dressing.

Alex felt so disgusting.

It was like he was John's very own personal concubine or a stripper.

John leaned back on his elbows, smiling as he continued to eye Alex up.

Alex slipped the dress up, he's putting his scrawny arms into the sleeves, puffy they were with little tints of glitter on the baby blue tulle. Alex looked down, he saw the dress hit him just by the knees and left enough to show the tips of his bony thighs.

"Well, since you want to know, I buy them online, specially handmade and they're expensive. So look after them. Daddy thinks you should have the best." John told him and then he's sitting back up again, giving his arms a stretch out.

Then Alex jokingly snorted, "You couldn't have ordered me some jeans and maybe a few tops from Target or something?"

John shakes his head at him.

"No" He said, bluntly.

Alex rolls his eyes again.

"Daddy likes you in these and you can stop rolling your eyes at me. Baby, I got you new things. Be grateful."

The guilt tactic, yet again. Alex tried to keep his attitude on a low level this time. He didn't say anything and just held up the dress to John. Alex pulled a face and asked him, "Well?"

John bit his lip, smiling and he's ushering for Alex to come closer with his finger. "Mm, yes" John hummed, happily. Alex wanted to gag because christ. John looked him over, he gestured for Alex to turn around and John pulled at the skirt's back, tugging it down and he turned Alex so he was facing him again.

"Yes" John purred. "You look beautiful, love you like this"

Alex flickered his gaze to elsewhere in the room and he's trying to ignoring John's hands running up his sides.

"You look so pretty" John cooed. "My beautiful baby boy"

Ugh.

Alex grimaced.

"What's that face for?" John asks him, his tone concerned and a little hurt.

Alex was seething deep down, his blood boiling. This was humiliating. "Baby, baby look at me" John tells him, he pats Alex on the side and Alex looks back to him. John's brow crumpled and those hazel eyes looked concerned.

"You don't look happy?"

Well, no.

"I don't like being dressed like this" Alex spits. "I hate it"

Now it was John's turn to frown. "I don't understand?"

Alex scoffed at him, he holds up sides of the dress, looking down at it in disgust and back at John. "I look like a joke! John, I'm twenty-two! I'm not a baby, I'm not -" Alex groaned, throws his hands up to pull at his hair as he lets the skirt part of the dress fall back to his knees. "Jesus, you don't get it"

John couldn't stop frowning, he looked more confused than anything. As if this all made sense and Alex didn't get it. "What is there to get exactly?" John asks Alex.

"God! You really don't comprehend shit all!" Alex barked.

Then John reached out to him, clasping Alex's hand and surprisingly ignoring his outburst.

"You're getting stressed, now come on, sh, stop. Take a deep breath, calm down. Stop pulling your pretty hair and don't be ridiculous, baby. You're stunning."

"It's embarrassing!"

John laughed at him like he was stupid. "How? It's only me, you know I love you in your dresses, princess. It makes Daddy happy."

Of course, it was always about John. John's satisfaction and happiness. Never Alex's. Alex's eye twitched and he muttered out,"But I'm not happy, John."

"Oh, c'mon now -" John sighed. "How can you not be?"

"Because I'm a man!"

John laughed again and Alex found it so insulting. He had to laugh back at John, sarcastically and shook his head. John went forward and took Alex's wrists. He squeezed them lightly.

"No, honey, you're my doll. My lovely little doll. Don't say things like that." John tells him firmly. "Now, I know you've found it tough adapting to your new life. I get that. It isn't easy and you're doing so well. Daddy is proud of you. Can't you continue to keep Daddy happy?"

Selfish bastard.

Alex didn't want to argue with him, instead he just nods and looks away, narrowing his eyes.

"Good" John says, smiling. "So, could you try on another dress, perhaps?"

Wearily Alex looks back at John, tired, unimpressed. But those twinkling hazel eyes refrained him from saying no.

"I think the pink one will suit you just fine"

Another sigh.

Great.

"What ever you say, Daddy"

* * *

Alex was awoken.

He stirred and shifted on his back when he heard the sound of laughter, someone else's laughter. There was another voice or two, Alex didn't recognise them though. There were footsteps walking past his bedroom, he could hear John's voice too and him laughing.

Alex wondered if he should shout and scream. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and Alex was finding the energy to get up. He sat up from the sheets and hopped off the bed. Slowly Alex padded his way over to the door and he's stiff still as he ducks down to the bottom of the door, he gets on his knees and he's looking underneath the door. He could feel the cold draft seep through but other than that. Alex couldn't see much just the shadows that passed the hallway light, which glimmered from underneath the door into the darkness of his room.

He couldn't see anything so Alex got up on his feet again and he's listening against the door. Clear as day Alex could hear two other voices and John's talking away at the bottom of the hall. It didn't last too long though because Alex could hear them walk off and them saying goodbye.

Alex frowned to himself. He wondered who they were. Not that he should care, Alex hit the side of his head and groaned aloud. He should've called for help and screamed his heart out. But Alex couldn't do that, he just couldn't find his voice. There was always the worry of what could happen. What John could do not just to him but whoever those people were.

For the next few minutes Alex waited by the door listening and drowned in his own thoughts. He could hear his heart thundering in his chest like a drum. That was when Alex could hear footsteps, John. He could hear John singing some tune to himself and Alex immediately shot from the door and bounded over to his bed. He launched himself on there and as he did he heard the rustling of the door's lock.

Alex tossed on his sheet and as the door opened, Alex closed his eyes, nuzzled into his pillow and he could hear John come into the room.

As Alex pretended to sleep, him gripping his pillow, cover over him and his leg hanging off the bed. He could hear and sense John shift around him. He heard John's soft breathing, his piercing eyes on him even in the dark. Alex hears a soft stifle of a laugh and a little 'aw'.

The next thing Alex knows is that John is pressing a soft kiss on his cheek.

So John was just coming to check on him then.

Delightful.

Alex then feels John move his cover around, tucking it properly around him and a little tousle of his locks. "Sweet dreams" He hears him say.

Another kiss on his cheek and John lingered for a couple of seconds, which felt like ages. It felt nostaglic for a moment. Alex could feel his eyes on him, John's breath tickling his face and he's tracing his finger around Alex's lips.

Alex wondered if John was going to kiss him.

He doesn't.

Instead he quietly ends with "Alex" in a small whisper.

Alex's heart dropped.

That moment, it killed Alex. Silently he was dying. It had been so long since he had ever heard that name.

Alex couldn't let it get to him.

With that, Alex listened to his padded footsteps and for the door to close. The latch slipping into the lock was the very last thing he heard. Alex reopened his eyes and he's looking around. He's in darkness again and he can smell the linger scent of drink in the air.

Alcohol.

So John had been throwing himself a little get together. Well, how nice of him to invite Alex.

Not.

Alex frowned at the door and muttered "Mean bastard" under his breath before laying back down again. He grimaced when he felt the dampness on his cheek from the kisses. Alex used the back of his hand to wipe them away, they even smelled like drink too. It was disgusting.

Then again, Alex hadn't had a drink in so long. It was foreign to even smell alcohol now. Infact, it actually made his gut turn.

Still.

Alex had to smile though. Mostly at the memories, the old life he had.

He missed the good times.

It was as if everything Alex had experienced was now a dream. As if it never happened, John had taken away his freedom and every memory, it felt so far away. Too far away to even say they were memories. His entire life felt like a lie at this point.

Stripped from everything he knew.

And it killed him.

Alex recalled going riot at parties when he was in college, he used to love going out to bars and getting off his face, wasted. But now, his life was such a different tale. It made him so sad to remember all he good, fun, times. His friends and his foster parents.

Alex hoped they were still looking for him. They couldn't give up, Alex knew they would be. His foster father Washington wouldn't give up at the click of his fingers, Martha his mother would be worrying, Alex knew what they'd be like, the terrible state they'd be in.

His best friends, his girls, Eliza, Angelica and Pegz. They wouldn't give up on him either. He knew that, they had been looking. Deep in his heart, Alex knew.

Slowly Alex fell into another sweet, yet, hellish refuge of sleep.

* * *

"Who were they?" Alex asked sleepily.

They were back in Alex's bedroom now.

Alex was full from his oatmeal at least. He had actually enjoyed it today.

John put strawberries in it for a change. Although it was a small difference, appreciated it all while hating it at the same time. John being nice.

But John wasn't nice.

John sat down beside Alex on the bed, he's fluttering his fingers through Alex's locks sweetly. "Hm?"

"I could hear voices" Alex told him.

"Ah, oh, Daddy had some company over" John tells him. Alex went wide-eyed for a moment.

Surely no.

John wouldn't have anyone else over in that sense. Not when he was doing this to him and being as doting as he was.

Then again, Alex frowned to himself at his own curiosity. He hated how it bothered him if John did have another guy over for a night of passion. He shouldn't care and should be more focused on leaving John, not thinking about who got inside his pants.

"Company? Uh, you mean like -"

John blinked at him.

"Company, company?"

Instantly, it sunk in.

John knew exactly what Alex meant by just his tone alone, he hurriedly cuts in with, "No, baby. No, not that type of company. My little doll shouldn't know about things like that -" John mumbled. But he went back to his cheery facade. "Nah, no. Just a couple of Daddy's friends, not that they're coming back any time soon." John said the last bit a bit too sternly for Alex's liking.

Alex got the memo, he couldn't shout for help.

Then John smiled, a little too sweetly at him. His eyes glimmered and Alex sensed that John was figuring him out.

"Anyway, lets get you in the bathroom. I'm only going to give you a quick shower over this morning, I've got to be at a very important meeting." John tells Alex and he's looking at the time of his phone quickly before pocketing it in his sweatpants.

"Right at seven o'clock, on the dot too." John muttered under his breath in annoyance. Alex still heard anyway.

It must be extremely early then.

Alex always held on to things like this, the time, the weather, certain scents from the day John came home with. It gave Alex a taste of the outside world, a glimmer of that there could still be some hope in all of this mayhem. It kept him sane in a strange, sad, sad, way.

John turns to him with a soft yet sleepy smile.

"Tonight, however, we can spend more time together! Just you and me -"

Oh great, Alex thought. He stared at John miserably.

"You can have a nice long bubble bath. I'll even stop by the drugstore and get you some of those bath bombs you like, not the glittery ones though." John says, he yawned right after.

Alex scowls at him. He didn't care, he really didn't. "They're always so difficult to scrub off and all the gutter never goes down the drain properly..."

As John stood up and turns for a slight moment to grab Alex's folded towel off his cabinet drawers. Alex darts his eyes at John's phone there lodged at the back of his sweats, peaking out at him in the pocket. Alex's eyes lit up for a second and he wondered if he would be able to snag that somehow.

Before John left for work.

"Daddy, aren't you going to shower too?" Alex asked. He tried not to sound too eager because John would realise, he was up to something.

And John always caught on.

John turns, he looks over at Alex there still sat up in bed and he shakes his head. "No, sweetie. I'll shower at the gym. I need to get you dressed and do my morning work out before hitting the office."

Alex nods slowly. Then narrowed his eyes at John when he wasn't looking.

Alex bet John would probably grab himself something nice to eat on the way from the gym too. One of those top salami or meaty lettuce smothered in mayo bagels too. While Alex had to slave away trying to survive on soup or salads. It was messed up.

But other than that, this meant John was keeping the sweats on and not getting into his work clothes.

Perfect.

"Come on, time to get you up"

John hooked his arms under Alex's armpit and he's gently hoisting him upwards. Alex follows suite and lets John manhandle him since he's got his eyes on the prize, that being John's phone.

Effortlessly John threw Alex over his sturdy shoulder. Alex hated being picked up like this, he hated John's hand there holding him up against his ass and feeling like an overgrown child. It was humiliating.

Usually Alex would retaliate and demand to walk to the bathroom. But John being John, he enjoyed doing things an actual father would do for their toddler. He loved to just dote on him, hand and foot. But it wasn't cute, it wasn't nice or loving. It was constantly John being in power, controlling him.

They're in the bathroom and Alex is slipping off his pink night dress. Although John did offer, Alex declined, because, surely to god he could get a dress off of himself.

John is getting the shower warm enough and Alex feels his face flush when he's stopping his hands at his underwear. Lilac little panties with a pink bow at the front.

At first Alex had hated wearing panties, his cock and balls would slip and slide all over the show. But over time, he's grown so used to them. Even so, Alex wouldn't object to briefs or boxers like he used to wear. These were the best too - Victorias Secret.

Not that it mattered to him though.

But Alex didn't like stripping down fully naked infront of John, not at all.

John was there waiting and as much as Alex wanted to protest, he didn't. Usually with the baths it was better since John couldn't see his junk but, showers though. Too much was revealed.

With the heat seeping from the steaming shower into the room, it still wasn't enough for John not to be able to see Alex's cock and balls. The room was getting heavier by the minute, the big mirror steaming up and Alex felt his heart race.

He wondered if he should be bold and do this.

Lure John in somehow.

The whole thought of it made Alex want to die on the spot. But the longer he was taking to get a move on, the more John was taking notice of his non-movement. John arched a brow at him.

Alex avoided John's firm stare or covered himself.

"You ready?" John asks him.

Alex felt his cheeks glow a tinge darker. Oh god.

John's eyeing him up and down. Not in a perverted way, but more worried incase something was up. "Baby? What's wrong?"

However this time Alex decided to be bold and let his guard down. He swallowed thickly, took a deep foggy breath and to hell with it, Alex clambered into the bath. He tried not to let it bother him that John was staring. John watched him a few seconds longer with those beady hazel eyes.

He tilts his head before reaching over to take Alex by the cheek. Softly brushing his thumb against Alex's scratchy skin. He must be in need of a shave soon because John rubbed it again and his brow knit, almost grumpily. But Alex was grown, what did John expect.

"Nothing" Alex told him, quietly. John stared back at him. Alex shook his head, blinked his eyes and made them purposely bigger. "Daddy?"

John raised his brow in question.

"Why're you staring at me like that?" Alex asked.

Then John goes into a smile. He pulls his hand away and he's grabbing a bottle of shower gel. "Oh, it's okay. I was just thinking there, sweetie, we'll have to shave you again soon. You're getting hairy again, all your peach fuzz back."

Alex tried so hard not to roll his eyes. He hated it when John did that, tried to make it sound cute.

That's what John called it rather than say he had facial hair. Anyway to sugar coat what Alex actually was and even then, John did it for him. Then usually went to do Alex's legs, arm pits, thighs and stomach hair. Anywhere with heaps of hair to remind Alex what he was now.

Alex watches him hatefully as he's busy squirting out some candy floss scented pink abomination on his hand. John's putting the bottle down, rubbing his hands together before roaming them over Alex's back, arms and his knees. As John's running his hands on Alex's knees they go to his thighs and Alex can feel then slightly creep down his inner thighs.

No.

Hell no.

Alex hunched them up to his stomach closer, hiding his dignity away from John and edged backwards from him shyly.

John notices this and pulls a confused look, he then asks, "Baby, what're you doing?"

"I want to clean myself" Alex huffed and he's avoiding eye contact. "I do have hands"

Then John tilts his head, as if he's considering it.

"But I'm here to help you" John sings, smiling as he did. John's got that gleam in his eye, he's clearly not having it.

He then moves forward to Alex, grabbing one of Alex's pigtails and gently tugging the hair tie out of his scruffy hair. "That's what Daddy is for, I'm not here to hurt you or make you scared"

Alex wanted to laugh.

The irony though.

Alex kept his head down as John was tugging out the next pigtail. He snarled as this happened.

"We get to spent quality time together, I get to wash you, talk to you, be with you and I enjoy looking after you." John tells him, wholeheartedly. He's putting the glittery hair ties down on the edge of the bath. John then grabs the shower head and slips the faucet back on.

Out came pouring warm water.

John gave no warning either for Alex as he's whooshing it over his head. Alex snorts out a nose full of water and coughs as he did. John's running a hand through Alex's hair and the next thing Alex can hear is the popping of bottles. He assumed they were the shampoo and conditioner.

Strawberry scents filled the room. Alex knew probably smelt like a walking bakery by now. He couldn't wait for John's hands to get the fuck off him.

"You're such a good boy, staying still for daddy." John says, sweetly. "There we go, all clean now, fresh and you smell amazing. Good."

Alex remained sitting there with his arms around his legs until John finished. The shower went off and John's trying to pick Alex up from out the bath. But Alex wasn't having it. He frowns at John and pushes him away at his chest.

"No -" Alex muttered. "I can get out myself"

John twists his mouth and he's watching Alex shakily stand or try to. The heat had made Alex feel all woozy, hot water always made him slightly lethargic.

As Alex is getting up, John puts a hand on his arm to help steady him. Alex didn't even realise it but he's not paid any attention to his genitals just there on show. He forgot he was fully naked. Alex sees John staring and immediately Alex covered them up with his free hand.

"Shit" Alex murmured to himself.

He's dying inside.

As he did this, John's giving Alex a look. "Oh, please, sweetheart. I don't know why you're so shy, I've seen all of you. We're both boys, you don't have to hide away from Daddy. Don't hide your body." But even the softness of his voice sounded like a threat in some way.

And deep, deep down, it petrified Alex. He had no choice but to ever submit.

"I love that little body of yours, you're so cute."

Alex paid him no mind though. He scowls and turns his head away quickly, his wet locks flick around as he did. Alex could feel just how long his hair was getting too. He could feel it right down his back.

Even in the steamy fogged mirror there on the wall Alex could make himself out and caught sight of just how pitiful he looked. His hair this length, seeing his spine visible out his back and the very nape of his neck. His thighs had never been any thinner, they were like knots on cotton and his arms were lacking any muscle.

He looked so frail, almost like a little teenage boy, so young. Alex lowered his eyes, sadly and felt a pang of misery fulfil him. He didn't know what he was anymore.

It was messing with his head big time.

For a second Alex's eye sight blurred with a cluster of tears. Although Alex wiped them away, ridding and passing them off as water from his dripping locks. Alex sniffled as John was busy putting the shower head back up on the stand.

John's grabbing a fresh fluffy towel off the cabinet drawers and he's wrapping it around Alex. "There we go! Let's get you dried, come on."

As John's drying him, he's shuffling Alex along into the bedroom this time and as they emerge back in there. Alex ends up plonking down on the edge of the bed. John's busy drying his hair while Alex sits there naked.

"I'll get you dressed in a moment, honey, wait. The thermostat is on anyway, so it'll warm you up."

Alex began to shiver. But hey, at least the heat was on.

While John faffed around with him, passing Alex lotion for his skin so he didn't dry up and putting towels away, grabbing some clothes for Alex in the process out of his wardrobe. Alex sat there just in awe, lifeless and his head was banging away with a coming headache. The hot water must've caused this but Alex knew it was more than that.

He wanted to break down.

Every time he saw himself for what he was, he felt worse and weaker. He was running out of time, very slowly, but surely and worried that in the end, Alex would just give up on ever getting out of here. Completely.

Alex's brow knit as he stared down at his bony knees. He couldn't give up, he couldn't give this bastard the satisfaction of winning and playing god.

Then Alex lifted his eyes up as he watched John pick out a few dresses. He drew daggers at him, cutting his eyes like crystals against a throat. He was going to get back at John, some way or another.

One day.

John swivels around with a sickening smile and he's got an armful of dresses. Ugly, frilly, newly bought dresses he'd made him try on the other day. Alex released a sad small breath, here they go again.

When John saw Alex's glum expression, John pouted. Almost sarcastically.

"Oh, do try and smile, anyone would think you're the one going to work overtime tonight." John chuckled, it was meant to be a joke.

Alex knew it wasn't.

It was John's warning for him to suck it up and cheer the fuck up.

So Alex straightened himself out and he sat up. All while trying to keep his hands covering his crotch in the process.

John's smile widened when he saw the dull look on Alex's face vanish a little. Alex tried to just appear wide eyed at best and keep a default expression.

"Okay, baby doll. I've got you a fresh pair of panties -" John's plopping these baby blue frilly knickers there on his lap. They had little pink hearts on too with a small ribbon and a diamond little stud just underneath.

Alex examined them, they must be new too. He hadn't wore these ones before.

John also had a thing for buying him underwear, yet, he didn't study him as much in them compared to the dresses. Alex assumed John knew how uncomfortable it made him feel being in his underwear, maybe that's why he didn't force him.

Well.

Yet.

Give it time.

"You just slip those on now" John threw out in a low voice, he's busy shaking out one of the dresses and eyeing it. "Right, I think we'll have you in this blue dress today." He adds.

Alex snorted. He assumed it's because it would match his skimpy little panties. John was like that, perverted in a subtle sense. He was transparent as a window, Alex saw through him.

John flickered his eyes down on him. Alex looked elsewhere quickly.

"Something wrong?" John asks. "Hm?"

Yes, everything was wrong.

Alex's whole life at this point was wrong.

"Uh, um, why blue?" Alex questioned, random, he had to change the topic though. The last thing Alex needed was to be telling John he's all sorts, getting starved and in trouble with him today. Even though John looked so gleeful, he looked tired beneath it all.

Hence why Alex wondered just how long John could keep this whole crazy jig up.

John's concern turns to a smile. "Ah, well, not only does it look amazing on you. But I think we need a little cheerfulness here, don't you agree?" Alex sees it in John's eyes.

That sheer warning, he wanted Alex to stop being so down. Smile for him, make him feel better.

It was either that or the weather outside was terrible and John needed cheering up. Alex wasn't fully sure.

"Baby?" John pressed.

Alex nodded. "Yeah, I guess."

He could never be happy here.

John's grin widened. "Great, okay. Slip your panties on -" John's eyes darted to them there still on Alex's lap and Alex is shifting, not looking at John, he's turning around there on the bed. Alex didn't care if John saw his ass but it was horrible being scrutinised.

He could hear John's muffled laugh. "Oh, god. Sweetheart, stoppit. You don't have to hide, I've told you this." John sighed. Alex stiffened as he listens. Heart racing, he wondered what John was about to do. "I love your little body, please, don't hide from me."

Alex scowled at this. Yeah, he liked him thin and helpless. Bastard.

"I'm not -" Alex muttered.

"Yes, you are. You keep turning away. It's only me." John reasoned.

"Why'd you have to keep staring" Alex muttered.

"Well, why not?"

Alex ignored him and he's grabbing the panties, lifting a leg to get one in the hole. It wasn't easy getting them on whilst kneeling with his back to John on the bed. As Alex put one leg through and went to do the other -

"Baby, it's easier if you just stand. My god." John mumbles. "Stand up, put them on properly, look, do you want me to help?"

"No" Alex immediately snapped. "I can do it on my own"

Then as Alex went to put his leg in the other hole now that he had one leg through them. Alex toppled, lost his balance and fell on his side. Instantly he hears John laugh at him and Alex's cheeks are luminously buzzing bright red.

For gods sake.

"It's not funny!" Alex cried, shyly covering whatever sanity he had left away from John.

But John as he's trying to rid off his laughter, he's moving closer and effortlessly, he's flipping Alex on his front. "My, my, you do make me laugh, little one. You're so funny at times. Cutest, funniest, baby boy. Geez, you've made my morning."

Angry and in alarm, Alex thrashes around as John is manhandling his panties.

What?

No, no!

"Hey -" Alex said, worriedly, slightly scared too. "No, wait, wait!"

"Just a sec -" John says.

Alex kicked around more, his heart was about to pop out of his heart. God, no. This was it, this was it. He was going to be raped, he knew it. He just knew it.

John's arching a brow at his antics there. "What even... Princess, hey, hey, it's okay!"

"No! Stop! Stoppit!" Alex whined and he's trying to pry John's hand off him. "Don't! John, don't!"

John's brow knit for a moment. He starts to move the panties up so they cover Alex's ass. "Huh?" said John. "I'm only pulling them up? What's gotten into you?"

Alex didn't like the way John just bounded over and starting toying with his underwear like that. He had thought the absolute worst. Although it had never happened, Alex had to be on his guard. He suspected one of these days, John would lose it and attack him.

He feels a hand on his lower back rubbing in circles. Alex turns to look up at John, frowning. While John's nothing but shocked.

"I don't get you sometimes" John tells him, he sounded fairly saddened by this.

Yet all Alex could feel was guilt drip inside him.

He shouldn't feel any remorse for John at all. But he did.

John must have caught on to Alex's thinking.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Alexander." John huffed and he removes his eyes from Alex's.

Alex's shoulders slumped.

He felt his heart squeeze at the hurt way John looked back at him just then.

Offended. That's the word.

It was times like this when John would say his name. Although he didn't use it often much anymore unless he was angry or worried.

But it always made Alex remember when they were dating, how John would say his name, the way it rolled off his tongue so perfect. Beautifully in that gorgeous southern twang he had that he always tried to cover up now that he lived in New york.

But then Alex would see he human in John. He had his moments. The times where he felt sadness, guilt, some type of hurt.

John says he wasn't trying to hurt him but he did, each and every day.

"Okay, right. Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?" John tells him, tone chirpier. Obviously trying to forget what just happened.

He's gone back to his cheerful facade now and he's taking the blue dress of its pink blush hanger. Alex was still lay there on his side looking defensive as ever. Watching John peel the dress off and he's holding it up to Alex with that same, old, chilling smile. Sweet but sickening.

"Now, lets get you dressed"

Alex wanted to whine, loudly.

He hated this part.

John's already putting the dress over him. It took over a good ten minutes too, John having Alex sit at his vanity table while he did the corset up his back perfectly. John always took getting Alex done for the day, very, seriously. It was an art form of its own. Dress on, knees up for his thigh high socks, then there was the decision on what necklace or rings he wanted Alex in to match the dress.

It was such a crock.

When John had him in the blue dress he loved so much on Alex, some pretty white thigh highs, this silver heart locket and a few little pink diamond rings with green ones. John started on Alex's hair and it was fixed up into his usual pig tails, this time with little blue ribbons tied on each.

Alex looked at himself in the mirror as this happened. John's finishing up on one of the ribbons. Humming to himself happily, in a world of his own.

"Haven't you got to get to work?" Alex asked, bluntly. "Uh, it's been, some time. You've got a meeting?"

John nodded as he kept on smiling and humming away.

"Um, Daddy?" Alex asked, sheepishly.

Then John lets out a small sigh. He meets Alex's eyes there in the big wide mirror. John there towering behind him and Alex is wondering what will happen next.

He watches the way John's lithe fingers twiddle with the ribbon, looping it around into a perfect knot. He took so much pride into doing all of this, Alex felt bad in a sense, since his efforts didn't go appreciated much.

"Yes, Princess. I've got work, I'll go when I've got you looking presentable for the day. You shouldn't worry." John tells him. "Let Daddy do the worrying, okay?"

Alex slowly nodded and goes back to looking at himself instead.

"But I think we're just about done anyway now" John says, wearily.

Alex chewed the inside of his cheek before finding it in him to ask, "You sound tired?"

Then all of a sudden John stiffened and it caused Alex to as well.

They never spoke much about general things.

John usually chatted away and Alex listened but there was never a proper conversation between them. Usually just shouting, bickering, complaints on Alex's part and John humouring him or trying to calm him down.

So this was a step.

John's staring down at him, his fingers still on Alex's ribbon and then he's smoothing out on of the pigtails. He's then grabbing the can of hair spray and getting the brush. John never liked to use heat on Alex's hair and he didn't have time to do the twirly pigtails properly.

Instead John's spraying it on one of them while he's twisting the brush around the end of the pigtail. Mostly to give it a bit of a glistened wavy look.

Alex watched as he did.

"I am a little" John tells him after what felt like forever in a small voice.

Alex presumed John must feel the awkward tension too. He wasn't used to this either. Then again, they could never be on level. No matter how much Alex submitted to him, it'd never be like they once were.

He's applying more hairspray and Alex gave a cough. "Oh, oh gosh, I'm sorry -"

"No, it's fine." Alex says and he's wafting a hand around to rid the spray.

John's watching him clear his chest before quickly applying more to the next pigtail, then returns the can of spray back on the vanity table.

"Why're you so tired?" Alex asked him, he could breathe again now.

After smoothing out the last pigtail, it's glimmering away there against the bedroom light and John's gone to tight the ribbon knot at the top. John shrugged and then sighs, "Just am"

"Is it work?" Alex asks and bites his bottom lip. It feels weird asking John questions about how he felt for a change. Usually it was the other way around.

Alex can feel that long, hard, stare on him there in the mirror. Silently Alex is screaming, he's worried.

"Mm, you could say that. But work is work, it can't be helped." John said again, tiredly.

He's twirling his fingers around the ends of each pigtail and admiring them in the mirror, right there, behind Alex.

Alex felt so tiny.

His heart was pounding.

He wondered if John was mad about him asking.

"Will you be home late again?" Alex asked yet another question.

Was this allowed?

John's continuously twisting, turning and swirling his forefingers around the tips. Mostly dragging it out while he's listening to Alex ask him things.

"Mostly likely" John replied, blankly.

Alex twiddles with a stray piece of thread there on the edge of his tele underskirt. He's pulling at it nervously, wondering what to ask next because the silence is suffocating. It's boring him to death and subconsciously Alex tugs at it, it's stretching away and unraveling a piece of the hem.

Immediately Alex stops, he's realised what he's done and covered his arm over the undone stitching. He hopes John doesn't notice.

"Do you still like your job?" Alex asks. "I know, you've said, you hate it sometimes, wasn't it because of your dad? I've asked before, I know but -"

He stopped right there.

Shit.

Alex cursed himself mentally.

Him and his mindless rambling.

Maybe it was too much to bring their past up.

It's a question Alex has asked John once before when they were dating. Alex always asking about what it was like for John being the president of his company, the hours, the privileges, the money. All sorts. John was very skittish his answers. Alex could tell John left a lot out. But this one was just a mere innocent question. It wasn't being too nosey but it took Alex back.

He knew it did the same for John too.

They meet each others eyes once more in their reflection.

Just then Alex caught sight of a simpler time with them both.

It felt like so long ago.

He reminded back to another time.

Rewind.

John locking his long, sturdy arms around him and kissing at Alex's neck. Rocking them back and forth there on the sofa, a friday night with the wine glasses out on the table, the TV blaring some movie. Alex laughing aloud at the way John's kisses tickled. Them looking at each other in the eyes, Alex caught sight of something he had longer for most of his life whenever he did. Love.

Then it's over.

That past vision is shattered in shards that peel away from the vanity and there they were in the present.

Alex no longer in his hoody, jeans and old grey socks. He's sat there glum, frail and sad. Dressed like a freakish toy in a child's dress and John there behind him, locking eyes with him in a whole different way. Not love, no warmth remained in them anymore. They were nothing.

John's fingers leave Alex's pigtails, they flop and he places his hands on Alex's shoulders.

Alex tenses from his cold touch.

"What's with all these questions, baby doll?" John finally asks.

Alex shrugged and he's looking down back at his lap.

"Hmmmm?" went John.

He shouldn't have brought it up. Alex felt his hands go all clammy.

John tilts his head, he twists his face into a slight look of frustration for a second before it went into a soft expression.

"You don't have to be scared to ask me things" John told him, sternly and he's moving his hands in rotation there on Alex's shoulders. "Honestly, it's fine."

Alex had to admit it felt nice but he still didn't trust them hands. They've struck him many times before for stepping out of line.

"I just -" Alex croaked.

John's glaring at him to continue.

"I felt like asking, that's all." Alex says.

Slowly John's lips moved into small smile. He's giving Alex's shoulders a squeeze. Even though it was supposed to be comforting with John looming over him like this Alex couldn't shake off that feeling of being dominated.

"You're trying to make conversation with me, for once. Right?" John asked.

Alex nods. "Guess so"

"But you feel as if it's too awkward?"

John could read him like a book.

"Yeah" Alex says, defeated.

He's squeezing his thighs together, the thigh high socks had glitter in them. Alex had barely even noticed until now. Pretty.

"God, you're adorable." John chuckled and he's moving his hands to Alex's cheeks.

He hitches Alex head up so that Alex was gently urged to look back into the mirror. Alex does and his gaze married John's once more.

Hazel eyes burrowed into brown.

"I want that" John tells him.

Alex looked confused.

He gives Alex's cheeks a light squeeze. Like a loving mother pinching her baby's chubby cheeks.

"That's all I want, Princess. Daddy wants you to engage more, be open, talk. It's allowed." John says to him. His smile grew, it appeared more affectionate and it's gorgeous. Alex saw those dimples come out to play and his heart does a backflip.

Alex hates himself for it too.

"I know you're not shy" There's a mischievous spark there in John's eyes. It's as if John's referring to Alex's past self. Did he want Alex to be more like he used to be? Yet play up to this lifestyle at the same time? Alex wasn't sure. " So don't be shy. Not with me, understood?"

Alex gave a slow nod.

John squeezed him again.

"You were never shy before... so just... Yeah. Just be you."

He does.

Alex gets it now.

John wanted his cake and he wanted to eat it. It was his way or no way. But if this was what John wanted from Alex, then Alex may have to consider being his old, usual self. Perhaps it might just lead him to freedom. If he played his cards right, maybe, he could get away.

It was such a risk.

He had been going about this all wrong.

Alex knew it probably wasn't easy for John. Trying to keep this whole facade going, everyday, keep the police off his back and head low. Force someone into being to stay with them.

John wanted a relationship with him, a proper one, where they spoke, laughed, company. Alex figured that John may just be truly lonely since his plan keeping Alex hostage and forcing him to be what he wanted wasn't working. He missed that connection between them, he wanted that.

And all the trying to come on to John randomly, raising suspicion, since he had done that before. Right at the start of this shit and Alex tried tricking John but it had back fired. Going back to normal and being himself in someway, it seemed like his only option. To make John fall for him again, deeply, then escape.

Yet Alex didn't want to be close to John again like that. He didn't deserve it but -

He had to regain that proper trust.

Alex took a deep breath.

He had to do this realistically, he couldn't be too nice, too sweet and cute. He had to just be him, take it slow.

"Okay" Alex said back. "I'll try not to be"

John hummed.

"I will" Alex shot. "It's just not easy for me" Well, it was the truth.

John could only give Alex a little smile. He understood then.

"Right, well, I need to get to work now." John says, rapidly changing the subject. "Do you need anything picking up on my way home?"

Normally Alex would shoot out something sarcastic, ignore him or say he wanted things that weren't doll-like. But he didn't.

Alex assumed this was a test of some sort.

He went along with whatever John's little scheme was.

"No" Alex told him. "Nothing"

John's watching him, carefully, Alex does see those eyes narrow a little. He wondered what John is thinking. He goes back to smiling.

"Okay"

Then John is grabbing the remote and flicking on some cartoon on the baby channel. Alex looked away as he rolled his eyes, another day of Pet Patrol. But he didn't complain, he kept his misery to himself.

John gave him a once over there from above as Alex was still sat there on the small vanity table stool. He looked pleased with his work, John's doing the weird thing of tipping his head, side to side to approve of him. Usually he'd ask Alex to get up or pose. But not today.

"Mm, cute as a button, as always." John cooed.

Alex kept his insults held back.

Freak, was all Alex had running through his mind.

"Alright beautiful, I am going to have to get off now. Daddy will be home later tonight." John says and then lifts a finger up to Alex's nose, gently prodding the end of it. John's smile was too cute, it shouldn't be cute. Fuck. "Kay?"

Alex's heart skipped.

No.

No.

This was something John used to do when they were together.

He always prodded and booped Alex's nose for a joke or whenever they finished kissing. Alex would always go cross-eyed and laugh.

Fuck no.

Alex didn't like this.

John's smiling fondly at him, almost sadly. "You be good"

And he's turning his head away, those hazel eyes lingered as he did and Alex's breaking inside. His feelings were scambled up and this was confusing the life out of him. He couldn't get caught up over something so small, so stupid.

As John turns, Alex spots John's phone there at the back of his sweats.

Alex's eyes sprang open.

Now was his chance, he had to and as John's about to walk away. Alex goes to reach for it, his arm is out, John doesn't see and yet Alex doesn't.

He finds himself unmoving, still sat there.

John's already out the door now.

Alex is left there at his vanity, in shock at himself while the cartoons play in the background and the sound of the lock churning from outside.

He couldn't do it.

He just could not do it.

And he didn't even know why.


	4. If I am just a piece of cake, Then, you're just a piece of meat

Alex giggled as John kissed up the crook of his neck, lips tingling every inch of his skin and they grazed just over his adams apple. Alex squealed when John located the tender spot and gnawed at it playfully.

Well Alex was wailing and crying in laughter as John roughed him up there on his sofa. Alex kicking out his legs with John on top leaving ridiculous amounts of hickies and Alex grabbed one of the cushions, thumping John over the back with it.

"John!" Alex screamed. "Stop! Stop, you monster! Ah!"

"Nope" John snorted as he kissed Alex more. "You taste good"

"You're a menace" Alex giggled, staring into John's eyes deeply. "Seriously?!"

"You love it" John purred.

Alex leaned in close to him, their noses practically touching.

"True" Alex ended, softly, he's closing his eyes and moving to capture John's lips one more time. John kisses him full on, both smiling into it.

As they carry on kissing, tongues in each others throats practically. Alex trails an adventurous hand right down John's front, along his side and on to his thigh. It was all innocent touches until now and quite frankly, Alex was sick of it.

So he inched that hand right down to the close of John's inner thigh, warmth radiated through Alex's finger tips at the feel of firm muscle.

He tip toped those fingers right to John's crotch, perverse ideas flew around Alex's mind and he was slowly getting excited over what they may end up doing later on. As his hand ventured further that was also when the kissing on John's part slowed down and eventually John pulled away altogether.

Alex's face sank into a look of confusion. He didn't get it, John had been so into their little romp. But if John didn't want it then Alex wasn't going to push him into it.

"You good?" Alex asked, concern etching his voice. He gave John's thigh a little squeeze and removed his hand since he didn't want to make his older boyfriend too uncomfortable.

John leans back, he nods and just smiles. "Yeah, that was pretty intense"

Alex licked his lips devilishly and he nudges John's knee with his own. Then Alex leans back, he turns to face John and perks up his elbow on the back of the sofa. Resting the side of his head into his hand.

"Sure you're alright?" Alex asked again. He had to be sure, it couldn't just be him on board with all this.

John nods once more before saying, "Alexander, I'm fine. Honestly, baby."

"Just wondered if I put you off" Alex shrugged.

He's searching into John's eyes again. The TV in the background was now on to yet another commercial, that annoying theme song to some stupid greek yogurt was driving Alex mad.

"No, course not. How could you ever -" John shook his head and sighed at Alex's expression. He chuckles and leans forward, he quickly pecks Alex on his lips once more and moves back again. "Put me off"

Alex arches a brow. "Serious?"

John looks over to the TV for a second and he's flicking over the channel to some action movie. "Yes"

Sighing, Alex grumbles and he moves closer to John. This brings back John's attention, Alex needed to be wanted. He loved to be wanted by his partners and hated being ignored.

"You gonna look at me and talk" Alex said.

John turns to him again. "I am"

"You're not!" Alex whined.

"I am" John laughed.

"No, you're watching the TV. Babe, fuck Dwayne Johnson's big mountain ass and Kevin Hart's sun dried raisin face. Look at me. Baby, look at me" Alex tells him and it has John laughing.

"Alexander" John giggles. "You're so cheeky"

"Don't ignore me, I want you, all to myself." Alex moved on in again, taking John's face in his hands. Playfully pulling his dimpled cheeks and kissing him. "All to myself"

As he said this, Alex saw a gleam in John's eye. It was questionable to say the least. Alex moved back after kissing his face off again and John's jaw line.

Instead now Alex puts a hand on John's knee. He wondered if John was nervous if they went any further. There were times when Alex had tried to push his limits with John, hoping to get into John's pants and end up waking in John's bed. But that never happened. He never got anywhere and it did make Alex curious, bit worried if John found him attractive at all in a sexual way.

John's composure wasn't unbalanced though. He didn't come across as unconfident or even bothered by Alex's attempts to get laid. Alex had tried before and got nowhere. Which is what weirded Alex out. Alex eyed his boyfriend up and down, he thought to hell with it and decided just to ask by this point.

"Jack, look. I gotta ask and this is in all seriousness now." Alex says, slowly. John's eyes were wild and lustful.

"Oh yeah? What about?"

"Are we ever gonna, uh, y'know?" Alex squeaked.

John's lips curled into a cheeky grin. He knew where this was going.

"Are we ever going to?" John pushed. "To?"

"You're really gonna drag this on, huh?" Alex scoffed.

"Well you brought it up" John laughed. "C'mon, finish what you were saying"

"You already know what I'm referring to" Alex rolled his eyes, snickering.

"You're talking about sex?" John asks. "You want to?"

Alex glides his gaze elsewhere. "Well, um, if you want to. I've kinda been trying to get you into it but you always shove me off. But yeah, I'm talking about sex. I want to have sex with you."

"Well... I'd like to" John told him. "Eventually"

Alex's brow creased a little. "Huh?"

"Maybe not tonight, look. I hope this is okay, sweet. But I don't want to rush things. Alright?"

"Sure" Alex says, sounding a bit surprised.

"Now" John begins, he drops his gaze for a moment, he looked lost in a world of his own and was tapping his fingers on the arm of the sofa. "Can I ask something?"

"Yeah?" Alex replied.

"Are you a virgin?"

Alex almost laughed. "Er, no? I hopped off that train a long ass time ago. You think at this age I'm till carrying the cherry card?"

John's smile remained but it died a little. Something was up. "Oh"

"Is that... bad?" Surely John didn't expect him to be a virgin at twenty two. If defloration was how John got off then he was very sorrily mistake.

"No" John says, shaking his head. "No, no. I mean it's normal now for people to loose it way sooner these days."

"Yeah" Alex shrugged.

"I mean, it would have been pretty romantic if you were. But that doesn't matter too much, you'll do fine."

What did that mean though. John met Alex's eyes again and smiled. It was all very questionable to say the least.

Alex arched a brow. "Uh huh"

"But I just do not want to rush what we have, sex will happen when it happens. I want what we have to be pure, Alex. This relationship, it means so much to me. You have no idea."

Well Alex's face melted like better. "Aw"

"I'm being serious, Alex. This is the happiest relationship I've ever had" John tells him with big eyes. "I can be myself with you, you make me happy and I never want to lose that."

"Jack" Alex cooed. "That's sweet, jesus. Me neither."

Then Alex pulls John in, he shuffles over to his boyfriend a bit more and wraps his arms around John's chest. Lying his head against it and Alex nuzzled into him. John drapes a hand through his hair and tousles his scalp.

To hell with it, Alex thinks. He shifts slightly and looks up at John with bedroom eyes. He had to know, it was bothering him. John notices Alex's staring and darts his eyes to his.

"So, you got any kinks? You into anything?" Alex asked, cheekily. Alex was certain he could hear John inhale that bit sharper. He didn't know whether that was a good thing or a bad thing. It sounded more irritated than anything.

"I can tell you mine?" Alex adds, hoping it would lighten the mood here.

John raised his brow. "Oh? And what's that?"

Alex leans upwards to him, closely, he whispers into his ear, "I love, love, being spanked. Especially when I'm riding the fuck out of a guy. It makes me feel hella sexy."

"Yeah?" said John.

"And I'm a slut for cum, right over my ass and face. All over my lips." Alex purrs.

John nods slowly. His face blank but then he smirks. His eyes glitter too. Alex can feel himself harden when he sees.

"I see"

"Yep, so, you gonna do that to me? Someday?" Alex asks, laughing a little.

John leans back as he's staring into Alex's eyes. He looked as if he were thinking hard and long about all of this.

"Maybe" John teases, although he didn't sound one bit interested.

Alex pouts. That answer though. He didn't get John, still, proceeded to ask anyway.

"What're you into then? Spill"

John then becomes uneasy. Alex wonders if he's drawn a line here. John moves around a little and Alex sits up.

"Sorry, um, yeah. Um, I gotta be forward and ask. Do you not like talking about sex?" Alex asked.

"It isn't that" John replied. "I just kinda, well, get on with it. Never usually talk or discuss it." He said shrugging.

"You just look uncomfortable?" Alex states. Because, honestly. John did. "I don't want to make you feel like that, sex is supposed to be good. It should make us want to do it, not make shit, so, awkward."

John shook his head. "It's not that, hun. No, no." And John's eyes fire back to the TV. He had that distant look about him again, John was there by his side but not actually there. Alex felt his insides crush. John had never had an issue with his brazenness before.

"Then, what?" Alex deadpanned, his voice going quiet.

A small sigh escaped John and Alex saw John's fingers start to tap again on the sofa's arm.

"Real talk here, Alexander. What I'm into, you might not approve." John confessed.

"I might?" Alex asks.

"Most people aren't" John told him.

"Trust me, I'm open minded. Babe, tell me. C'mon, I won't make fun of you or whatever." Alex sang, nudging John a bit. "You know I wouldn't do that"

"It's nothing related to what you are into" John admitted. "I'm warning you now"

"I promise, I will be chill about it. Honest." Alex plead.

John gave him a sullen look. Alex felt himself go colder, he didn't know why. Silence took place for a second, Alex looked to the TV when he sensed things get weird between them. John however, he was still staring. Scanning Alex over.

As another commercial played, John finally found his voice. Slowly asking. "If I tell you... you won't... push me away, right?"

"No?"

"Do you promise, Alex?"

"I do, just tell me!"

"I trust you with this and I just hope you understand." John said, tone softer.

Alex nods. "Alright, so, what is it?"

John stared at him intensely for a moment, Alex's brow creased and he's about to ask what was wrong but didn't. John drops his gaze, he chews his lip and then shuffles forwards and sat up from the sofa.

As John got up to go through the hallway, Alex sat there alone and confused. He didn't get what that look was for.

John had looked anxious. Terrified even. Just how severe was his 'kink', Alex wondered.

So Alex sat back and he's running a hand through his locks. He looks back to the doorway, waiting for John and Alex hoped he's okay. He didn't know why but he felt obliged to apologise to him. Even though he hadn't done anything wrong, it all just felt as if he had been intrusive in some aspect. As if John hadn't wanted to go this far but Alex was a sexual person.

He loved sex, like any other man. But John had shown little signs of interest in it. Which he found odd, John had the look of a sex expert. He had that dominant look about him, as if he could throw Alex around like a rag doll and screw him unless he was unconscious. It was all bizarre. Infact, John Laurens was the most unusual man Alex had ever dated.

Good looking, he was charming, very kind, but strange.

He just was.

And Alex couldn't really pin a reason down why, John just had this aura about him. Despite being in such a powerful position, one he never really spoke too much about, since work life was quite private. Mostly due to confidentially and all. John carried himself in such a questionable way for a man of thirty one. Adult in one sense and then he operated like someone younger in another way.

Alex couldn't work it out. He tried to ignore it though, best as he could.

But he did wonder.

While he waited, Alex gazed into space and his thoughts were all over the place. He debated on whether or not if he should just shout John back in, tell him he's sorry and that they leave it at that.

It had been nearly over twenty minutes when Alex heard the footsteps. He was endorsed in the new Spiderman movie that was on. The animation was gorgeous, Alex finished off his beer and nicked a couple of John's chips out of the half eaten bag just there on the coffee table while he waited.

But once the tipper tapper of socked feet trudged nearer, Alex turns back to the doorway and there John was. He looked hollow, a tad shaken if Alex was honest. Alex had also noticed John had changed too. He was in an old lounge t-shirt now and flannel pyjama sweats. All cosy, with his hair down over his shoulder, damp.

So that's what had been doing, showering.

Alex arched a brow at his boyfriend and gestured to come over. "You good babe?"

John had something there behind his back. Alex felt his heart suddenly race, maybe it was sex toys. John might be into all that dark stuff. Perhaps he liked being a dom, tying up guys and whipping them in leather. Maybe he was into something messy, Alex prayed it wasn't scat or gas. He would be able to bear anything that heavy, blood either, piss was drawing the line.

"Yeah, sorry. I just hopped in the shower for a sec. Thought perhaps, if I show you what I am interested in. We could start tonight and go from there." John hummed, playfully and he's grinning. He looked more coy than nervous now.

Alex eyed John up. He looked gorgeous, his beautiful dark curls just glistening in the TV's light. Alex always adored John's hair and when it was wet like that, Alex wondered what his man looked like nude.

Imagining John just pull out from some glorious blue lagoon in a jungle far away, pecs and arms out. Dick out, freckles brazen from the sun on his lovely golden skin. Oh the thought of it had Alex woozy.

God, he was lucky.

"What you got there?" Alex sang. He sits up properly now, he's grinning from ear to ear.

John comes in from the doorway. "Showing you what I'm about" 

Alex's balls ache seeing John give him that sinister, sexy look. That smirk, damn. 

"Oh?" Alex giggles, fire is in his eyes and he's trying to get a proper look at what it is but John turns. "Is it a dildo?"

"No" John snickered. "I don't do dildos"

"Aw" Alex whined. "It's been a while for me but never mind. A whip? Cockring? Latex suit? Chocolate flavoured condoms?"

John's smile died slowly. Alex's did too when he saw that look of seriousness.

"No, no. It isn't any of that" John tells him. "It's a little more... it's not exactly common"

"Then show me" Alex sighed. "Come on, baby. Just show me, I don't care what it is, trust"

So John pulls a face of defeat. He sighs, shoulders drop and he goes to shift his arms. "Alright, you win."

As he's pulling whatever it is around him, Alex's eagerness comes to a halt when he sees. It was there now in plain sight.

And Alex's face fell grave.

"What's that?"

John holds it up.

"Just a dress"

A dress.

It was a very small one. All pink with a peter pan collar, little white trim on the hems and puffed sleeves. Alex felt himself go cold at it and he narrows his eyes. He didn't understand.

John seemed jolly. He tosses the dress over his shoulder and holds up something else. He comes closer to Alex and stands infront of him.

"What do you think?" John asks.

Alex gave a weirded out look. "A kid dress? Damn, it's small and short as fuck. What? Wait, are those diapers?"

Because honestly, Alex hadn't expected this. John acted like it was all normal. He's staring at Alex with this brightness in his eyes and his dimples were on display.

"They're bloomers, Alex." John stated. "They're like what victorian dolls wear"

"They're diapers" Alex laughed crudely.

John's form stiffened and he watched Alex sharply.

"Bloomers" John corrected, his tone held a bit more bite in it. Alex looked taken aback.

"Well, whatever they are. Those are fucking straight up freaky, damn. Where they from? Haunted house? A corpse?"

"Alexander" John scolded. "Look, I told you to be respectful, I asked you to promise me. And you did and now you're making remarks like that!"

"Sorry, sorry. Baby, I didn't know you were into dress up though! Wait, you're fucking with me, right?"

John did not look like he were joking.

"Right?" Alex repeated, smile dying, his eyes widening when he realised this was not a game.

Silence.

Alex's stomach sank.

"So, you're into, uh, age play?" Alex asks.

"Partly" John said, unbothered. "It's more than that though. It isn't dress up either. Age play is nowhere near what I have my mind on. No, this is serious. This is more than a kink, it's a way of life for me. I love this type of stuff, I want to relive a fantasy and I want you to be a part of that. It's something we could both benefit from and connect with on a closer level."

"But is it anything to do with sex?"

John frowns again. "No"

Alex's mood dropped. Great.

"Then why... What is it you want me to do?"

Because what on earth did John want him to do, it didn't make sense. 

"I want you to be my doll" John states.

Alex didn't think he was serious.

"And that is?"

"I take care of you, I dress you, I feed you, I hold you and just love you. I never got to when I was..." John trailed off and he looks to the floor. He had that look about him again, this forlorn, lost look. As if John were recollecting a memory.

Alex didn't get it.

"So you collect shit like that?" asked Alex.

And truthfully, he didn't want to know.

"It's not 'shit' and yeah, I do." John defended, scoffing as he spoke. Alex nodded along, trying to grasp this odd fantasy. "I've got tons of dolls, I uh, I collect them. I keep them upstairs, in my room. Some people think they're creepy but they're art pieces. Oh and I still have a few that were my mothers, but I buy whatever ones I can find and I rework them. Repaint them, put them back together again. Because just so many people -" John glared at Alex.

It was the way John held his gaze. Burning right through him, desire shone over John's eyes and Alex found himself not so comfortable with the way he was speaking either. There was something hidden in his voice, in his eyes.

Something dark.

As if John was glancing into his soul.

Alex felt his skin chill over.

John walked closer. "They throw dolls away, you know? So I just take them in, help them, because so many are lost. They should be taken in, given a second chance. They're a lot like people. They all deserve, love."

Alex's whole body went numb. His stomach was churning uneasily.

Well that confirmed everything Alex needed to know.

He decided their evening together was finally an end and Alex nodded one last time. He gave John somewhat of a smile, John was playing with the lace trim on the dress and he's watching Alex. Waiting for him to speak up.

"Cool, um, yeah. I didn't know that was one of your hobbies, babe. But that's nice. Different though." Alex chuckles, falsely and he's moving to stand up.

As Alex tried to get up, John pushed him back down by the shoulder. Alex looked up at John, clearly shaken up and very confused. He hadn't expected that.

John flips his hair around his shoulder and he's putting the dress up against Alex. "You'd work this, pretty well" John says, smirking. There in the living room's darkness, with only the TV and kitchen's light, John looked different from above Alex's level. He was bigger, broader. Scary.

"Wanna try it on?"

Alex's eyes went wide, his stomach tied once more and his mouth drops.

Hell no.

"Nah, hun. I'm good, I just wanna get up -" Alex laughs it off and he tries to get up again.

But once more, John shoves him down. It isn't as forceful this time, but he makes it clear he wants Alex to stay.

"You wanted to do this" John tells him, it's all a game to John. He's laughing and what annoys Alex is that John tries tugging at his top. "C'mon, get this off. Let's try, okay? You might enjoy yourself. I just want to see."

"Why?" Alex mutters, he's getting up and manages to stand this time.

"Because you'll be cute as fuck. That little body in this, mmm." John tells him. Alex's eye twitched, that didn't sound right.

"You wanted to do something, a little more, sensual. On a deeper level. So, c'mon, baby, strip off your top and let me dress you. It's only role play."

Alex's brow furrows. "How is this sensual? The fuck"

John tosses down the clothes on the sofa and he's going for the hem of Alex's shirt.

"What're you doing? Get off!"

"You wanted to do something new" John said, he's pulling the top up just above Alex's nipples. "You want to, you want this."

He didn't.

"Take it off, sweetie. Let me fix you up" John urged, flirtatiously pulling up the top higher. Alex felt his heart race which wasn't like him. But the aura right now, the mood just wasn't there.

"No, hey, John -" Alex grumbled.

But John wouldn't listen. "Do it" He hissed. "Do it"

"Nah, no" Alex said back and he's trying to stop his boyfriend from tearing off his top. Anxiety rose in Alex, for the first time ever, he just did not feel safe with this man.

Then John couldn't have rolled his eyes any harder.

Clearly, it wasn't that big of a deal to him. And Alex was starting to see red.

"Just take the top off" John sang. "You wanted this, you've been bothering me to do this with you for ages. Now get into it"

"Nah" Alex said again, turning to turn away.

Suddenly, John takes Alex's chin with his hand and it's in a solid grip. John tried to come across as if he were joking but from the way Alex saw it, he was just being too outright domineering. 

"Get in it" John said, he licks his bottom lip, teeth showing and laughed. "Baby, get in the damn dress"

"No" Alex mumbled, his eyes lowering and Alex's cheeks felt hot. "Stop"

"Don't tell me 'no', you hear?" John chuckled. "You want this, me being like this. So, I'll do it." 

Not like this, Alex thought.

Fear stirred in his and he's trying to fight off John's hands.

But it was then, when John leaned down, he's hovering right over him, he arched his neck down against Alex's ear, his hot peppermint breath sent tingles all over Alex's body as John spoke. "I'll finger you, if you wear the dress."

Alex glowered.

That wasn't the worst thing. It was when John looked down at him, he had this mocking pout and bites his lip. Alex remained glaring at John and he couldn't find it in him when John leans in closer.

Alex felt John's hands go to his waist. They slide right down to the back of his ass and he squeezes his cheeks. Alex goes numb and he can't speak. He can't breathe or function.

"Or maybe, we should start with these first" John says, slowly. "C'mere"

Alex's throat hitches as he's pulled in more and John carries on feeling his ass up.

"I don't usually make exceptions when it comes to play, but I can, for you. Since you want something more from me." John huskily whispers.

But when Alex felt those fingers dip through the elastic of his boxers, driving him crazy, slowly making their way down and then one hand goes to his zipper. That's when Alex couldn't bare it anymore.

"Want your Daddy to fuck you?"

Just no.

Enough.

"Fuck off" Alex mumbled.

Alex huffed and barged past John.

Leaving John in shock, it had his boyfriend blink and hold out his arms, blank but guilty look on his face. Alex rolled his eyes at John. He wasn't doing anything he didn't want to do. Alex wasn't letting John get away with it and push him to extremes. No meant no.

The silence thickened between them. Alex figured he best leave in a second.

"And that was for?" John says, eyes slightly squinting. His flops his arms back down and gave a sarcastic laugh. He sounded as if he hadn't done anything wrong.

Alex couldn't look at him. "Sorry, John. No, right. I gotta head off, the last train is due soon."

John's mouth twisted. He looked annoyed. "Yours runs until morning?"

"They're changing it up" Alex lied.

"When has New York ever 'changed up' the subway hours?"

"Just has" Alex told him. Obviously, they always ran. But John had the ever going luxury of getting around by taxi and car. He never used the subway.

"It runs every single day of the year" John commented. "For the past god knows how many decades"

"Oh, christ. It just has! Leave it, I'll be fine getting home." Alex snapped.

They're in silence again. The TV played yet another commercial and it sounded like a helicopter was flying over the complex outside. After a few minutes, John cleared out his throat and tucked his hands into his sweats. He turns to Alex again.

"You know you're always welcome to stay" John said, looking and sounding defeated. "Honey, stay."

Alex turns to look away. This just felt so awkward now. John was glaring, his gaze like acid and Alex felt his heart pound at a ridiculous rate. He wondered, worried what may happen if he did take up John's offer.

"You've never offered before, then suddenly you whip out your freaky as fuck secret and don't mind" Alex scoffed. "Nah, alright, I'm good, I'm great. So, yeah. I'll grab an uber and -"

John eyed him, cutting Alex off. "Okay, that's fine. Wait a minute, I'll grab my car keys, throw on some sneakers and a jacket, I can drop you home. But then again, it's late. Look, I can always come with you, order an uber and I'll pay for it?"

Alex didn't want John stepping foot in his his place. Let alone spending the night.

"No" Alex replied, a little too quickly. John yawns.

"It's not safe out there, it's late" John sighs. "Just stay over, you can always sleep in the spare room"

Alex shook his head. "No, I'll be fine. Trust me"

"But Alex -"

"No" Alex said snappily, he was getting agitated now. Alex was kicking his sneakers from under the coffee table where they'd rolled under and he's wedging a foot in one. "I don't want to stay over, leave it"

"What's wrong?" John asked. "You were okay earlier, I don't get it. Now you're all attitude. Alex. Talk to me."

Then Alex is groaning when the sneaker wouldn't get on. He puts his foot on the edge of the coffee table. John frowns at this, he hated his things getting ruined and the respect Alex was showing him right now just worsened his mood.

"Because you just wouldn't back off, pressuring me into something I don't want to do" Alex groans.

John crosses his arms and his brow rose up. "Um, you wanted to try something new?" John reminded him.

"You asked me my preferences, I showed you, I told you, and so you vowed to respect that -" John pushed so much emphasis on his last words as Alex was tying his shoe lace on his table. "Then when I offered, you rejected me and proceeded to be rude!"

"Well, it's weird!" Alex cried.

"How?" John defends. "It isn't harming anyone else, it's only us. It's unusual, sure, but it can be enjoyed. Plenty of people out there role play. Honestly, I thought you were open minded."

"And I am! But, John, not many guys I know pull out a creepy dress and a pair of Pilgrim panties! This is some Childs Play type of shit. Nah, I'm not into that stuff." Alex then swapped to shove on his next sneaker.

John snorts at Alex and shakes his head, clearly seething. "You're horrible, you ought to grow up."

"I am, but what's 'horrible' John, is pressuring - No, infact, oh fuck it -" Alex muttered.

He didn't get it. There was no point even explaining to John. Alex knew, he now knew this relationship was going to be too much for him. If John was this type of guy, there was no chance for them.

Many guys have made Alex feel inferior over the years. Alex knew he was short for a man, standing at five seven. He had been pushed around by older, bigger guys in care and in school. Taken advantage of, intimidated by his foster fathers. 

Alex couldn't deal with another abuser. Not after his rotten foster father he had as a child. He didn't need that or this. It hurt and it was such a shame. Alex felt mostly numbness now. He wanted to believe that hadn't just happened with John. But it had.

Maybe these were his true colours.

"What?" John asks, crossly.

Alex shook his head, he wasn't even going to bother. John could work it out for himself.

"Nothing" Alex said. He felt so tired. "Leave it, it doesn't matter."

And if this was what John deemed as normal, brushing off the way he had just treated Alex. Then Alex, he could do better than this.

John sighs again, he goes to grab the TV remote and sits back down. "Fine"

And he sat back, arms crossed once more and bared daggers at the screen. Ignoring Alex completely. Alex stood there and he watched John. The idiot.

"Yeah, well. Alright, I think I'm gonna bounce" Alex says, trying to sound nonchalant. "You have a good night"

But nothing from John. He carried on watching TV and then grabbed his phone from the table. That apparently was more of a top priority.

No apology or anything.

"Night?" Alex called once more.

Nothing.

"Mm" Was all that came out of John.

Childish.

So Alex turns his heels, he goes over to the other chair where his coat was and swings it over his shoulders as he goes over to the door. With a turn of the handle, he was out.

Never to see the way John's eyes narrowed that bit tighter or to hear the harsh thump of the remote against the door after he had left.

* * *

Another sneeze came.

"How are we feeling?" John asks.

"Like shit" Alex mutters.

John sighed, Alex's bluntness never got the better of him. No matter how many times John told him off, Alex refused to give up cursing. It was the only bit of freedom Alex had these days. John couldn't stop that. So John could shake his head and give the stink eye all he wanted.

Alex didn't care.

"Baby, tsk" John goes, then he's reaching over to the nightstand where a clear grocery bag was placed. Alex's eyes dart to the bag. "After work, Daddy went on over to the store and grabbed you some things."

Alex lay there in bed, nose red raw and glared at John. "Oh, goodie. Do tell."

Strangely, Alex was down with a bad cold. He hadn't been out, that was the oddest part. Not even on the veranda since he was banned from it. Then again, it could only be John, of course. His nut job ex-boyfriend was the virus, obviously.

John was busying himself there rummaging in the bag. He looked nice today, Alex would never tell him that. But he did. Work shirt was still on, it looked new. His tie half done, hanging down now.

John smelled great too, Alex assumed John had been in and out of meetings all day. Usually he got polished up whenever he was at events or conferences. John never told him but Alex picked up on it. All the small changes, the smells, the weather just by how windstruck John was or his curls damp and just how pale John goes in the winter.

Alex was learning.

"Right, so, we've got you some medicine for your cold, plenty of tissues, some hot flu drinks for your throat -" John said as he looked through. Alex lay there with a look of boredom. "A few lozenges packs, some soup -"

Alex had to cut him off. "Got a gun in there? Be easier to just kill me now."

It had just slipped out, really. But Alex was sick, tired and he didn't want John's company.

John closed his eyes for a second, pretending he hadn't heard that. "Don't be ridiculous, baby doll, don't talk about horrible things. We must never talk about guns."

"Why?" Alex pushes.

Then John bares Alex a look. As if to say.

"Because they're dangerous" He sighs.

Well, yeah.

"Where's yours?" Alex joked, coughing as he laughed.

John didn't appear pleased. He frowns. "Honestly" He huffed to himself quietly.

Alex shuffled deeper down the sheets. He rudely nudged John in the side under the covers with his foot. "Got any chocolate in there, at least? If you're going to keep me here, let me have chocolate, hersheys, a nutterbutter or something" Alex says, he cheekily cranes his head up higher to see into the bag.

"You don't need chocolate, it's bad for you. Dolls don't eat chocolate." John mutters. "Especially when they're ill"

"This doll likes it" Alex says.

"And Daddy says no"

"I bet Daddy eats it, I bet Daddy eats lots of things I can't" Alex said snippily, sniffling and coughing as he did. "Obviously"

John glares at Alex. Well, John couldn't have looked any more offended. Alex feels himself gradually dip lower into his bed. He didn't know if a smack was due or not for that.

"Actually, no. Daddy keeps to a strict diet, baby, you know this." John tells him. "Now stop being cheeky, you're unbelievably rude today. Please, stop."

"I'm just stating the truth" Alex mutters back. "You haven't missed a single damn meal and I'm here festering away in dead pioneer girl clothes."

"Enough" John says, his voice rising. "Hush, now. Sh."

So Alex did. He frowns and turns away from John, seething. It wasn't fair.

"You know I'm right" Alex murmured.

John thumped a hand down on bed between them both. It made Alex jump, he looks back to him and John's not pleased.

Alex suspected John wasn't in the best mood to begin with. He looked exhausted, nice, but tired. Not that Alex cared. But John being irritable today, that was rare. John hated letting down that bright, happy facade.

"Do you want me to take everything away? Hm?" John threatened, angrily clutching the medicine bottle in his hand. "Because if you carry on, I will do. Trust me, doll, I will leave you in here days straight with no TV, no food and you can suffer your flu out."

Alex rolled his eyes so hard. "You do it often enough anyway, a few days without fucking cartoons? Damn, oh dear. What will I do! Oh christ, just go away, stop acting like you care. The only thing you care about is this stupid fantasy."

John's mouth fell.

"Don't start" John snapped and he dabbed his finger at Alex. Like a parent could do to a naughty child.

Because that's what this was. Nothing but constant belittlement. Alex playing his part in John's silly fake world.

"Do not start running your mouth with me tonight, don't!" John hissed. "Now stoppit"

"Then get out" Alex told him. "Leave if you can't handle the truth. You're living a lie, Laurens."

That had been a first. Alex never used John's last name and even that stunned the both of them. John remained staring at him, a broken but cut look and he's shaking his head. John rakes his hand through his hair, messing up his bun more and he makes an exasperated noise.

"What has gotten into you? I know you're sick, but the attitude is uncalled for. Totally, totally uncalled for." John lectured.

John stresses out a hand, carrying on his rant. While Alex turns away from his on his side, facing the wall. As he did, a hand shoves him in the back. He can hear John mutter 'seriously' under his breath.

"I'm taking care of you, it isn't as if I don't care, because I do. I think of you every single day, every waking hour, when Daddy is working himself to death, working long hours, for you! When Daddy is home, cooking, washing, for you! If only it was easier, you would be able to do it yourself. But I can't I can let you out alone because you try and run away!" John ranted.

"Can you look at me when I'm speaking to you?"

Alex bit down on his tongue. He didn't have the energy for a verbal war. Alex closes his eyes instead.

"Look at me" John orders.

He tugs on Alex's shoulder and tries to pull Alex over on his back. But Alex mooches further towards the wall and curls into a small ball. John got the message.

"You're so ungrateful at times" John huffs. "After everything I do for you, this is what I get? I work my backside off and -"

Oh, enough with this.

"Well, maybe this virus I got will kill me off quicker, save us both the worry of me escaping." Alex spat out.

John went stiff.

"And another thing, you're wrong. The only sick one here is you" Alex finished, bitterly.

John said nothing.

Alex felt John's heavy weight lift from the mattress and an angered heavy breath. John didn't even grab the medicine or the bag, he just got up and left. Closing the door with a bang, the key locked as usual.

He was alone, good.

Alex lay there, his head throbbing from a banging headache and all the arguing with John had only worsened it.

"God damn it" Alex sighed and he moved on to his back, since John had now gone. Staring at the ceiling, hazily and Alex's lips trembled.

He shouldn't have done that. Now he had to start all over again. Getting back into John's good books was going to take a while now and Alex needed out of here, quick. Because as the days pass, the more Alex felt himself giving in and succumbing to this lifestyle.

Alex had to make it up to him. He couldn't seduce John, it never worked. Alex was sick of trying, even when they dated that hadn't worked.

"Gotta try" Alex murmurs. "I can't rot here" 

Throwing a hand over his face, Alex let out a small little sob.

He was going to have to play up to the role. Give John what he wanted, properly now. Alex wiped a small tear in the corner of his eye and sniffled. If this didn't work then nothing would, he had to go along with it.

Pretend to be John's doll. No fighting, no arguing, no seduction.

Alex only feared of one thing and that was becoming too attached during the process of it all. Because John held a spell, one that had the key to Alex's heart and once it was inside, singing to him like a siren. Lulling Alex back to John. Alex knew he would never get away otherwise.

All the mental plotting was truly wearing Alex out.

In the end, Alex's eyes flickered shut. Slowly, bit by bit.

Eventually he mellowed, into a daze of ephemeral reverie of what once was between him and John. Memories flickered through his mind as he slowly drifted into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... so that is kinda how it stirred between these two. Creepy, huh?
> 
> And, yes! It's been a hot minute or two since I've posted. I'm sorry!
> 
> Thank you for reading the story so far. I never commented on the last three chapters as they're just reuploads. But this is one I have been working over this past week in-between everything going on.
> 
> Right now, I hope everyone is doing okay. Honestly, I truly do. This is a worrying time right now and I pray we all make it out safe. Hopefully, we do.
> 
> Stay safe everyone, remember to clean, keep clean, stay inside and try not to panic. Keep the chill and stay positive. Spread the love.
> 
> Thank you and thank you all for the support on both my stories, it means a lot.
> 
> PP XO
> 
> My tumblr: http://littlepinkphoenix.tumblr.com (If anyone is up for talking)


	5. Eenie meenie, miny mo, grab him by the toes. If he screams, don't let him go. Tag, you're it.

Alex really didn't want to see John.

He didn't know why but something just didn't feel right since that night. It was as if a whole new side of John was unleashed. Not even the forcefulness of John's behaviour or the freaky stuff he was into either.

That night had such an impact on their relationship and it didn't feel the same for Alex. The way John came across, so domineering and John had always held such sweet character. A loving nature and now Alex was thinking on it all. If John had just been putting on an act and that side of him Alex saw was his true self.

If that was the case then Alex didn't want to be with him. He didn't need that. After a traumatic time in care and being abused by one of his foster fathers when he was seven. Alex couldn't bare being in the clutches of abuse, never again.

But still Alex just wasn't sure yet. Did he or didn't he. He didn't know what to do.

He had fallen for John, hard. So Alex was at a loss.

Alex lay there on his bed, he's whacked out from his shift at Starbucks. Fed up from losing his subway pass, Barnes and Noble didn't have the new book he wanted in stock. His feet hurt, he was hungry and Alex hadn't felt like grocery shopping. He didn't get paid until the end of the week either so it was ramen or left over chicken patties from the bodega until then.

With a sigh, Alex squirmed and caught a whiff of himself when he did. He pulled the armpit of his top to his nose and sniffed it.

"Christ" Alex mutters, scrunching up his nose.

He needed to shower bad. The day had been so long though, extra shifts and all his essays just wore him down these days. Ever since he put his relationship on hold, Alex figured it was a good distraction to just keep busy working.

All of a sudden Alex's stomach rumbled, god. Now he was starving. Alex hadn't eaten since morning and it was late now. He just hadn't had the time to grab anything, his break was filled with coffee and Alex was too worn off his feet to grab anything when he finally managed to sit down. The day had just been non stop.

Alex grabbed his remote, flicked on some TV and just laid there for a few minutes watching whatever was on. He needed five minutes before anything else.

With the chatter of Ross and Rachel on his screen, the background laughter, Alex found himself nodding off. Just as he did he was immediately woken by the buzzing of his phone.

"Hm?" said Alex.

He sat up, blurry eyed and he's looking around for his phone. "Where the hell did I put it?"

Then he remembered it was actually still in his jacket pocket. Sighing, Alex gets up, sluggishly pulling his feet, gets his jacket off the back of the door and pulls his phone out.

Alex clears the sleep from his eyes, he yawns a bit and he looks to see who it is through squinted eyes.

It was John.

Again.

"For fuck sake" Alex mutters.

It had got to be the fifth or sixth time that day John had tried calling him. His boyfriend worked long hours, never usually did he call him as often until Alex stopped. Alex assumed he wouldn't since John was such a busy man. Now this.

Bracing himself before pressing the accept button. Alex let out a long groan and rolled his eyes. Here goes nothing, he went over to the edge of his bed and flopped down.

"Alex" John gruffed down the line.

Alex's brow rose in shock. Because how very fucking dare John be the one mad at him. If it was going to be like that then Alex was about to cut him off. He was tired, hungry and not in the mood for John's bitchiness.

"Alex, why do you keep ignoring me?"

Creasing his forehead, Alex frowned.

"John" Alex hissed down the line. "Stop calling me, it's becoming stalkerish. Please, please, stop."

"What have I done?!" John asks him. "You won't pick up my calls, you never reply to my texts. You blocked me on WhatsApp! What for?! What did I do? I'm sorry if I've offended you or hurt you in any way shape or form. Please, just tell me."

Alex fell silent for a minute. He wanted to tell John what the problem was which was him, he was the issue. What he had done to him.

"I stopped by your place earlier, no one answered. Your neighbour said you were out. You told me you don't work Thursdays? When did that change?" John questioned.

Alex scoffed down the line. No way had John came here, oh god. That was going a step too far, too intrusive if Alex was certain and asking his neighbours things. His whereas, what he was up to.

Too much.

This was turning into some serious shit.

"John" Alex inhales sharply. "You had no right demanding where I was, I've got my own shit. I don't have to tell you where I am twenty four seven!"

John went quiet.

Alex bites his lips, he stares at the ceiling. Waiting.

"You need to give me space" Alex added, his voice now softer.

John still said nothing. Alex checked his screen to see if John had put the phone down. Nope, he was still there and the seconds rolled by.

"John?" Alex calls.

"I don't understand, you just blank me for days on end. Two weeks. Alexander, do you know how worried I was? Thinking something may have happened to you?"

Alex closed his eyes. He heaves in and out slowly. Irritation slowly rising.

"Are you seeing someone else? Behind my back? Because if you are, I'll find out -"

Well shit.

"What?! No! I wouldn't do that!" Alex shouts, he's in total disbelief. "You're paranoid, oh my god. I would never cheat on you John!"

"Something is going on -" John adds.

"John -" Alex tries but John cuts right over him.

Alex clenches a fist and grits his teeth. Jesus christ.

"I was worried to death, Alex. Worried, scared, my god! And you're wondering why I'm freaking out? I was fucking worried, okay? Spare me the backlash, darlin', I don't need it. Sorry for caring." John snaps, his southern accent shining through every word that came out. He was getting riled up himself, it only ever came out when John was ranting.

"It isn't that John, this, shit you're doing. Calling me, three in the morning some nights. Babe, seriously?" Alex snorts. "Are you serious?" He repeated, angrily.

John sighed down the line.

"It's too much" Alex told him, firmly. "It's scary, you're possessive and it isn't normal. John, I know it's your knocking on my door. Five times last week, after nine. You should be focussing on your work, the company. Not me."

"If you knew then why didn't you open the door?" John said, gasping. "And another thing, I'm the head. The boss. The owner, Alex. I can do, whatever I want."

Alex rolls his eyes at that, he didn't care. "Sure. And I wanted you to get the hint! I want to be left alone!" Alex shouts.

"Why?!" John shouted back.

"You -" Alex stopped, gathering himself and his lips tremble. "You scare me!"

Then John shut up.

"What?"

Alex suddenly felt shaky. He could only imagine John's face, especially his eyes. They always spoke volumes with that stare.

"Why do I scare you?" John asks again. "Hun, how? What? You gotta talk to me here, we can fix this."

Alex shakes his head to himself. Letting out a shuddering breath and he's re-closing his eyes.

"Talk to me" John ushers, quietly. "Hey"

Alex bit his tongue. He felt like just turning in.

"Hey?" John calls again. "Alex, tell me"

Finally Alex finds his voice.

"It's just the way you are" Alex admits. "Forcing me to wear stuff I don't want, I don't do dresses, I tell you and you don't listen, pushing me around, threatening me -"

"Whoa, whoa, back up. No, no. When have I ever threatened you?" John asks, sounding serious.

"You kinda shown it, the way you acting, pulling off my clothes" Alex says, glumly. "You were, John"

"I was trying to get you in the mood. Jesus christ." John said. "If that is the case, you should've told me. I never meant to make you uncomfortable. Baby, baby I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well, it's done with" Alex mutters. "And I _did_ tell you

A sigh came from John. Alex's heart dropped.

John needed a reality check for his self preservation. Avoiding what he had done, always skipping around his faults and bringing it back on to Alex. It wasn't fair.

"Do you want me to come over?" John offered. "I can pick us some dinner up. I'm guessing you haven't eaten yet, you never eat when you have long shifts. I know you, baby. And I know you won't cook, it's no good. Not when you're between shifts and your studies. Anyway, it's late but we need to get you fed. I'll take care of you."

"You have work in the morning" Alex hissed. John still didn't get it. "You live across town, I'm here in Brooklyn and - no John. Just leave it for tonight."

"Doesn't matter, not when it comes to you. You know this. I can bring my work gear with me, park up down the block. It's fine." John reassured.

"And have that fancy ass car of yours busted?" Alex joked, sarcastically.

John's prized possession.

"Like I said, it is fine. Chill." John groaned.

Alex flopped down on his bed.

"John" Alex tries. "Stay home, just have an early night"

"No, I think it's you who needs it more than me, by the sounds of it."

Another pause came from John, then a sigh.

"Let me come, we could cuddle. I miss holding you, Alex."

John was trying to be cute. Alex frowns.

"I miss you"

He always gave in to this fucker.

"I miss kissing you, touching you. Your smell."

No.

"John, I'm sorry"

John makes a 'tsk' instead.

"How long is this going to go on for?" John asks, bitterly.

"Look, I don't want a fight. John, leave it. Fucking leave it." Alex growls and rubbed his eyes.

What did it take for this man to get it through his head. Alex just wanted to be left alone.

"I'm trying to make up and you're acting up. _Again_."

Alex's mouth dropped. Oh, he did not.

"Goodnight" Alex snaps.

He ends the call. Alex didn't even get a chance to put the phone down because John was ringing him again.

And Alex knew, it wasn't going to end. Just before anything else, John sends him a quick text.

"My god" Alex says to himself. "Is he for real?"

**From: Babe**

ANSWER

As soon as Alex reads the text, it must've checked as 'read' and John was calling again.

"Oh my fucking god" Alex gasps.

John wasn't going to stop either, Alex had no choice but to answer. He couldn't block John because he would probably drive over. And the thought of that was worrying alone.

So he had to.

Alex's shoulders drop and he just takes a deep breath.

"John" Alex hisses. "Stoppit!"

"I wasn't finished" John tells him, angrily. "Do _not_ put the phone down on me again"

Alex's mouth opened, then closed and he's just lost on what to say. John's tone, Alex had never heard it so icy. So, demanding. Enraged even.

"Don't you dare" John hissed back.

"I don't care if you weren't finished! You're pissing me off!" Alex barked.

"This isn't on, at all, Alexander. Now listen, lets try and sort this out like the adults we are. Properly, okay? You shouldn't have to ignore me over something so minor. You're the one who suggested spicing things up, I tried and you rejected it. That is not my fault. But to be so cold when all I have ever tried to be is loving?"

Alex hung his head and his face crumpled.

That was so not fair.

"You don't get it" He mumbles, now having enough of this completely. "I just need some space, that's all I ask."

"Space?" John questions. He made it sound like it were a crime.

Alex stared blankly at him.

"Yeah, look. I need space or we're done. John, I can't breathe without you down my neck. I gotta live my life, chill and you should do the same"

"What have I actually done though, for you to even _need_ space?"

Alex's eyes watered. He hated that his boyfriend didn't understand that he had hurt him.

"Nothing" Alex says, voice hushed. Brokenly. "You've not done anything, I just think we're better off away from each other for a while."

"Why?"

"Because"

"Because, what?"

"I know, but I just -" Alex sighed. "I need space. Please"

"If you want to break up with me, Alexander. Then you should have done it properly, face to face. But it's quite evident you don't have an ounce of decorum in your body to even bother." John bitched.

"It ain't that"

"Then, what?"

Alex's voice wasn't there. He couldn't give John anything, nothing. Feeling defeated, Alex closed his eyes. Sighing.

"Goodnight, John"

"Alex, no, wait -"

Then Alex finally sees red.

"Call me one more time John, knock on my door or show up in my grocery store again and I am calling the police for borderline harassment. You got that?"

With that, John ends the call.

* * *

From then on Alex hadn't heard a word from John. Not a peep and he found it fairly suspicious.

John's absence could only mean he was getting ready to come back. It would not surprise Alex since John's previous attempts at getting his attention had been relentless. 

But Alex had to threaten him with the police, it was the only way to get John to end his mad mania. It worked, luckily enough. 

Alex recalled that day way back at the start of John's harassment where he turned up at Alex's job. Alex saw John come through the doors, thankfully the shop had been busy, bustling with students. Alex had asked to go on his break early and luckily his manager had allowed it. Even if it meant staying behind for fifteen minutes more at the end of his shift.

He remembered how John had rang up his phone when Alex was hiding in the back. Calling, calling. Then one of his colleagues came back and told Alex how John had been asking for him. To make it worse Alex wished he hadn't looked so worried when telling them to lie to John and say it was his day off.

Then the knocking on his door late at night, Alex having to keep the TV on low just incase John heard and Alex knew John was no doubt listening up against the door. It was only until Alex heard them footsteps move, Alex turned the lights off just to see John's shadow under his door go and then Alex would sneakily look through his blinds to see John leave. But John would always sit in his car for a good ten minutes on his phone either text or trying to call Alex.

Once Alex got caught by John, he stared right up at Alex's window there on the fourth floor. Alex hated thinking about how he felt. The chills that went up his arms, goosebumps, him freaking out inside and he felt terrified. John hadn't stayed and he hadn't called him back either for the rest of that night.

And from then on Alex became wary and on guard in public. His behaviour changed. He went from being a loud chatter box to quiet, jittery and people had noticed. All Alex ever got at work or in class and off his friends was if he was okay or not. It became tiresome.

So tiring of being a nervous wreck 24/7.

The stalking lessened after that phone call they had though when Alex finally decided to talk to him. Even though John had piped down, there was a storm coming. Alex just knew it.

Until then Alex had tried just getting on with life. Working, school, going out with friends. He did his best to gain normality back into his life.

He didn't want anymore pester off people about how things were off.

It was Tuesday afternoon, during his law class Alex had chatted to one of his closest friends, Angelica Schuyler and her sister, also his ex girlfriend. They always pressed for information about who Alex was dating and Alex told them some things.

He had shown them a picture of John but never gave them his name, age or details. They hadn't been too pleased but John wanted to keep his discretion. Apparently he had it in big with names all over the city and didn't like being too overly open about his relationships. Alex had respected that and so come forth, he said nothing.

But there came one day, it was a friday evening and Alex had decided to leave the library in favour of working back home. His shift had ended earlier that day since there had been no classes. But extra studies and extra credit were always on the agenda.

Alex had made it back to his dorm, he's grabbed himself a shower. He's feeling exhausted but Alex told him he had to do some extra reading before any napping. For now, he's flicking on the TV, tossing out his books and ready to crack on with one of his essays.

Just then his phone buzzes.

Without even looking at the caller ID, Alex just grabs it, presses 'accept' and flops down on his bed.

"Hello" Alex says with a yawn. His eyes scanning his papers.

Then his stomach drops immediately.

"Hey baby"

It's John.

Just out of the blue like this.

"Hi" Alex deadpanned.

Oh god, Alex thinks. He sits up and he's thinking of what to say. But John beats him to it.

"It's been some time now. Hm? So, how are you?" John asked him. He sounded chilled. Hopefully palming John off might come easier if he's in a better mood than he was last time.

Alex bites his lip then says. "Not bad, I guess" Alex grabs out a few of his marker pens, he's starting to circles important bits out of his assignment. "You?"

In the background Alex could hear the sounds of honking and a siren pass John. So he was in his car. Alex prayed he wasn't coming over.

"You know me, sweetheart. Busy, busy. Nothing new."

Alex waddled his foot out of nerves. It felt awful to hear back from John since their drama. But at the very same time...

"Cool" Alex replies, coldly. He still wanted John to know that he wasn't a soft touch. Alex was still annoyed, he hadn't forget. Yet keeping this up, Alex had to admit, he was soft with John. Too forgiving.

"Up to much right now?" John questioned.

Alex taps the page with his pen. He's just in thought. "Just studying, I got exams coming up. Important ones."

John hums down the line. Whether he was interested or not in that, Alex didn't know. He heard John making a turn and suddenly it's quieter in the background. He figures John is pulling up. He must be because he goes off the line for a few seconds.

Alex listens.

"Ah, sorry about that. Just parking. Yeah, so. I just wanted to ask, would you like to come over this friday night? I'll make dinner. We can catch up and then -" John pauses, Alex heard him sigh. "We can see where we go from there. I'm aware things are still weird between us, but I want to make up. Please."

"John" Alex mumbles. He clenches the bridge of his nose.

He knew it. Alex knew this would happen.

"After everything? You want us to act like nothing happened?" Alex asks, scoffing. Because like hell, he was not going to pretend it didn't while John did. This wasn't even Alex's fault.

"No, that's not what I'm saying. I want to see you, in person, properly Alexander. Talk everything through, no shouting, no fighting. Just talking and to have everything out in the open over a bite to eat." John tells him, he sounds honest, that's even more annoying.

Alex squints his eyes at his papers. Frowning.

"You don't know how much you've hurt me, John." Alex croaked. Because John had upset him, big time. The first guy Alex had ever been happy with and it backfired vastly. It broke his heart.

There was a moment of silence between them. Alex wondered how John looked after he had said that and was he as worked up as Alex was. It crossed his mind whether John had any true conscience over his actions at all though.

And whether or not Alex should forgive him. Should Alex even take him back. His head was jumbled, emotions were running through him and Alex shoves his essay aside. He couldn't be dealing with that right now.

"I know I hurt you" John said, softly. "And I'm sorry."

Alex nods to himself, taking it in. John apologised, finally.

"I thought about what happened and it's been on my mind. I was out of order and you have every right to be angry with me." John confessed. "Alex, I'm really sorry. I never wanted to make you feel, so small. I came across intimidating and that is not how it was supposed to be."

Good. That was progress, they were getting somewhere. But Alex still felt irritated by everything. It was going to take some time but if John was man enough to apologise then there was hope for them after all it seemed.

"I'm trying here, hun. Please, for us. Just come for dinner, no funny business. Alright?" John asks once more.

Alex's eyes meets his lap and he's twiddling with the loose fray on the knee of his jeans. He isn't sure.

"One step at a time" Alex finally says. "Got that?"

"Yes" John replied.

"Good" Alex said. "And I mean that, John. If this happens again I really don't think I can put up with it"

"It won't, baby. It won't. I promise. I will never hurt you again." John plead.

Alex found himself smiling. Only a shy one though. Things were still tender and Alex needed John to prove himself from now on.

"Okay" Alex says. "Right, so, friday, we're at your place?"

"Yeah, I'll cook. So if you please will and bring your pretty little self over. I would very much appreciate that and we can even have desert. How about it?" John tells him.

Sounds good, Alex figured. Eliza and Peggy had already asked Alex if he wanted to hang out downtown friday evening though. But he could just fill them in with an excuse. No harm done.

"Sure" Alex said. "What time?"

"Around seven, that okay? I got a few things I need to sort friday afternoon with work actually. Can we call it eight? Just so I can get home on time and start getting things ready. That alright?" John asks.

Alex shrugs, he grabs his papers back. "Yeah, that's fine. Want me to bring anything?"

"Great and nope, just you." Then John pauses, Alex looking around and he's wondering why John went quiet. "I hope you're as excited as I am. I am really, really happy you're coming over. It's been a while since we last saw each other and I just want everything to be perfect."

Drumming his marker pen, Alex thinks back to when John spotted him looking down at him outside his dorm. Oh they had seen each other since. Alex decided not to bring that up though, leave it be. Let it go.

"I'm -" Alex thought about his choice of words. He didn't want to sound too off or unappreciative but at the same time he didn't know how to react. "I can't wait" He didn't sound it and Alex was always amazing with words. But this time, he just didn't have them.

"Okay. You stop by at eight" John says. "Friday?"

"Friday" Alex confirms.

With that, their call ended. Alex sat there on his bed staring into space, tapping his pen on his knee and he thought about their date for friday. This could either go good or bad. But until then Alex was just going to have to wait for it.

* * *

Alex's breath caught in his throat as he looked up at the condo complex.

It was a cold chilly night, the wind rushed past his face and any hair falling tickled his cheeks. Alex hoped he looked okay, the subway had left him slightly disheveled. John offered to pay for Alex's taxi since he lived across town there in Manhattan.

But from Fort Greene, it was still a bit of a stretch. Alex told John it was quicker and cheaper on the subway.

Alex looked over himself, he was decent. Just some slim black jeans, his best kicks, a jacket and scarf. He had looked much sharper before leaving but with his hair the way it was Alex felt a little self conscious.

He always wanted to look his best for John. Especially when John constantly looked so prim and perfect. Like he were out of a magazine. John had the expenses to afford his vanity.

Sauna and spa at the gym, pedicures, skin treatment at the most exclusive dermatologists in the city and overpriced hair care products. He could afford running back and forth to Whole Foods, spending a week of what Alex would make just on one pile of shopping, which usually consisted of expensive fruits, shakes or protein bars.

Sometimes dating John always felt much for Alex. Despite everything else that had happened. But Alex couldn't let go, not over one silly fight and John promised he wouldn't act up again. So all Alex could do, was trust him.

Ridding his insecurities, Alex took a deep breath and went on inside the condo cmplex. It always required a code, Alex didn't have it and so he buzzed for John to let him in. The place was big, riddled with security cameras and was well maintained. The type of place that had killer service fees and occupied ridiculous airheads.

Not that John was one but Alex had noticed the type of people who lived there too. It wasn't a busy block, Alex had only seen at least five or six of John's neighbours. None of them had kids either. A lot of them were noticeably East Asian, designer bags, brief and luggage cases that looked as if they alone cost a good grand or two.

And although Alex loved John's apartment, his condo. Alex always felt out of place. Each and every time.

"Hello?" John answered through the buzzer.

Alex put his hands in his pockets, swaying on his feet. "It's me"

"Oh, Alex. You came." John said.

Pulling a face at the monitor, Alex didn't get why John would sound so surprised. He knew he was coming. And Alex was certain John had watched him through the home security camera make that face too.

But never mind.

"Yeah, it's me. You gonna let me in?" Alex asks.

John didn't reply. He presses the button for Alex to come through, it made a soft buzz and Alex while shrugging to himself, he went through the two double doors.

The foyer was always well kept, the odd leaf or bit of New York grime on the posh marble flooring. But that was usually it. Tonight they were immaculate, Alex saw the 'Wet Floor' sign ahead and made sure to slow down his paces.

It was late and the janitors were around. One of them saw Alex, an old Puerto Rican woman by the looks of it. Pretty woman for her age, salt and pepper threads in her once dark locks tied up. She looked exhausted, withered and Alex saw the hunched form of her back. Probably from years of working as a cleaner, Alex assumed.

She smiled pleasantly at Alex.

Alex could only smile back at her, nodding and he told her "You have a good one"

This woman only replied "Ah, si, si" to him and chuckled. Grabbing her mop and bucket before hurrying off through the double doors into the next room.

Alex pressed for the elevator and looked back at the woman, watching her leave. She struggled with the heavy door and bucket for a second. Alex was about to hop on over to hold it open for her but she managed.

He drops his head for a second and then looked back over to where he had entered. He hoped he hadn't made a mess, it didn't look like it thankfully.

But it did get to him how such people worked long hours, poor jobs and yet places like this existed who housed people on top money. And Alex could tell that woman had been working most of her life too. It was a shame.

Alex looks around the entrance hall and it's so well done up. Marble flooring, fresh plants near the doors, glass doors glimmering to perfection and this fancy ceiling light that looked like old industrial bulbs. Very swerve.

The only downside was that nauseating fragrance that filled the room. Every time Alex had come here it smelled like sage and chai. Alex looked up and noticed the vents, they were huge. He figured it probably came from there.

The elevator gave a 'ping' capturing back his attention and Alex entered it. Thankfully, it was vacant. Alex always hated the awkward elevator silence.

Alex turns, he looks back at himself there in the tall mirror. Perfectly polished and he adjusts himself. Tucking loose strands behind his ears, Alex looks at his facial and his shave hadn't been too bad. Only a little graze here and there. He clears his throat, turns back and assumes he looks fine. He'll have to do.

He got to John's floor and it was high up, very high up. And god forbid Alex for thinking it, but he wondered how John would take it if this place ever suffered an earth quake. The entire building would sway like a game of Jenga.

John had laughed when Alex expressed his worry. Claims that it would never happen.

Once he left the elevator and left for John's apartment. Alex's stomach dipped, he felt something and it was not excitement. His palms felt clammy, his brow sweaty and his heart boomed.

It was as if his soul was screaming at him. Dread, pure and utter dread filled him. But Alex's mind put it off, this was just like any other visit. He had to ignore how he felt and just roll with it.

When he arrived at the door and giving it a quick three knocks. He heard the patter of feet behind it and then the door making the oddest of beeps. Alex's brow arched at the noise. That was new.

Then the door opened.

It had felt like it were years since they had last seen once another. When really it had been two months. Alex felt almost shy when John opens the door. Something smelled good, heat wafted out hitting Alex in the face. John was stood there, grinning away and he looked ecstatic to see Alex. Those hazel eyes lit up and his smile was blinding.

But all at the same time, he had missed those pretty freckles, them dimples and that shade of glimmering hazel. Alex always got lost in those eyes, too lost.

And so easily.

"Hey you" John greets.

Alex's smile yet awkward smile was enough and a quick "Hi" before John opened the door wider to let him pass.

It felt strange to be back. Given the circumstances from last time and all. Alex assumed John no doubt remembered too. Alex bared his eyes around the apartment and took in the environment. The condo was as still just as lavish. It never ceased to amaze Alex every time he went there. Tall windows, a high ceiling and he couldn't believe John even had an upstairs. lush light linen flooring and dark wood.

Lights were on low, candles burning on the coffee table and some latin music playing softly. John let the door close and a little beep went off.

Alex turned at its noise. John watched as he did.

He figured Alex probably wondered what it was. "I got a security unit installed recently. I had an issue with a break in a week ago, so I had to take precaution. Little assholes." John chuckled.

"In a place like this? This high up?" Alex questioned. "This secure?"

John nods. "It happens, some kids, all in disguise. Pretending to be maintenance. There are a few gangs going around the city trying to rob places at the moment. Pretty nineties if I'm honest, it's shit, but what can you do." John shrugs.

"Fancy" Alex says, eyeing up the code pad glowing there green.

"Mhm" went John. "So, you want something to drink? I got some Corona in, we have wine, some Sam Adams"

"I'll have a wine" Alex hadn't had any in ages and it sounded good.

"Come" John said and gestures for Alex to follow.

Alex is behind John, following him into the kitchen. Alex looked over his should back at the new security unit. John had even got outside CCTV footage installed door including on his floor along the hall. Alex knew John was the only tenant on this floor. But something felt unsettling about the whole new set up.

"You cooked steak" Alex says, looking around. Candles were lit. Perfect.

Alex was always in awe with John's apartment. He had only ever seen the living room, kitchen and been in John's guest bathroom though. Never anywhere else. John was overly private. Alex wanted too see more eventually if it was allowed.

"I did and I want to apologise for everything, honey. I know I said I was sorry, I really am." John told him. "But still, I just wanted to make your favourite, I remember you loved that peppercorn steak we had that time down in Soho. Thought why not."

Another took a seat. "It's cool, I'm over it and John?"

John meets Alex's eyes.

Alex gives him a bright smile. "Thank you"

He said nothing, John just grinned back and he's diving off to the countertop, grabbing a bottle of red. Some fancy Italian drink that John had been gifted. Alex recalled John always being given countless amounts of gifts from colleagues. Other big dog colleagues and CEO owners. The wolves of society.

That meant John was a wolf too when Alex really thought about it. He did the same wheeling and dealings as they did. So, yeah. He was.

John grabbed out two posh glasses and poured Alex a drink. He passes it over and Alex takes it.

"Thanks" Alex says. He downs half of the wine, his throat had been dry as the desert from his nerves. Seeing John again after their big blow had definitely caused Alex to feel on edge. "Mm, that's good"

"Perks of the job" John chuckles. "It's a nice bottle, they had this stuff at the work party I went to last week. Thought you would like to try it too"

"Yeah" Alex says, smiling and he drops his gaze. He didn't know what to talk about with John.

John was staring at Alex, clinking his fingernails against the glass to fill the dreaded silence.

"How's school? I remember you said you had a few tests coming up, how are they coming along?" John asked, he's taking a mouthful of his own wine and turning the gas down on the sizzling steak. Leaving them to simmer in their sauce.

"College" Alex corrected. "It's fine and yeah the exams are soon. I just hope I can get through the rest of this semester without ending up in hospital from exhaustion. It's just chaotic. With work and Peggy always wanting to go out. Like, sure we're students but I can't just abandon my work."

John laughs. "Aw honey. But you are getting enough sleep, though, right?"

"I'm trying" Alex sighed. "It's not easy"

"And you're eating well?" John questions again.

A nod. "Yeah, my diet isn't too bad. Not as awful as it used to be. Kinda cut down on a lot." Alex said.

It's then Alex notices John give him this distinct look. He's looking him up and down, Alex feels himself squirm a little inside. Discomfort brewed. He didn't know why, it was just the cut look John gave him.

It was almost quite, snobby.

"You're taking your health serious now, that's a good thing. Finally. I'm happy for you." John tells him.

Alex wanted to laugh at that. He wondered if John was deliberately trying to be sly with his words or was he just that oblivious to how hurtful he was truly being. Alex shook it off and tried to just push it at the back of his mind. It didn't matter. If John thought he was gross, he wouldn't be bothering with him.

"Well, here's to tonight, fuck the calories." John says, then he's going back over to the table with his glass and pushing it to Alex's. "Cheers"

"Cheers" Alex said, fake smiles all around.

Their glasses clinked.

"Did you tell your friends that you're here tonight? Anyone else know?" John questioned. He turns his back to churn the asparagus, onions and carrots in the wok. John adds in the pepper and the salt to them.

"Nah" Alex said. "And nope"

John turns to look at Alex over his shoulder with his brow raised. "No? Why not?"

"Well, it's private. They don't need to know everything." Alex laughs. "I got Angelica and Eliza already trying to gauge out infinite amounts of info about you on the daily."

"Oh yeah?" John said. "And you can sit down, sweet. Get yourself comfortable."

So Alex does, he sits down at the table while John sorts out their dinner.

"Yeah"

"What do they ask about me?" asked John.

Alex downs half the wine and licks his lips. He's still staring around the apartment. Alex notices the big vents are in the condos too. Also, he wondered why a guy like John even needed a chandelier hanging over them. Still, it was nice.

"They just wonder who you are, your name, what you do for a living, that kinda thing." Alex says with a brief yawn and he stretches.

John nods. "Did you tell them?" John asks, his voice lowered slightly.

It made Alex wonder if this bothered John.

"No, no. You said you like privacy so I didn't say anything and they would only be hassling you. I don't want that and Angelica is the worst for it. She's my ex girlfriend and she is super overprotective about who I date, it isn't any of her business and all -"

"Your ex?" John says.

"Yeah" Alex shrugged. "I've known her years to be honest, her and her sisters. One of her sisters, Eliza, I know she has a thing for me and always has but I was like yo I'm taken now. Should've seen her face when I told her." Alex giggled.

John turns his back.

"I didn't know you liked girls" John said.

Alex watched John. "Yeah? I'm bisexual"

"I never knew that"

"I'm sure I told you" Alex states. "When we first got talking? I had it on my profile at the time too"

"Oh" John says, he sounded distant.

"Does it bother you?" Alex asks. It seemed like it did.

Then John does turn to him, he puts the wok on low and the vegetables simmer. John comes over finally and takes the seat opposite Alex. He leans to the counter to grab his wine and shakes his head at Alex.

"No, of course not." John says.

Alex arched a brow. "I think it does?"

John met his eyes. He gave Alex a small smile and shook his head again. "It doesn't, I mean, it's your preference. Sweetie, it's your life. It's just that sometimes bisexual men think they like men and it turns out they're just after some fun. They just play with mens' emotions, mess around for the thrill and when things get really serious, they fail to commit. And end up going back to their secret wife or girlfriend. Gay men aren't play things, we love, cry and hurt too. Most of the time, we're just looking for someone who we think will be a great partner. We have emotions. It isn't just about sex."

And that is when Alex sees it there in John's eyes. He gets it.

John has been messed around before.

Alex's heart sank. He hoped to the gods this didn't make things worse for them.

"John, that isn't what I'm about. I would never mess around. I'm serious and I have had boyfriends before. Trust me." Alex tells him. John watched him intently. "And I would not dick around with your feelings, I ain't like that."

John then smiled. "I know"

It was now that Alex felt in the mood. He's staring into those eyes, that greeny brown abyss. Alex doesn't think twice, he gets up and he moves on over to kiss John on the lips. It's just a quick peck. Nothing heavy.

As they broke, John is staring back and he's smirking. "What was that?"

"A kiss" Alex grinned.

"Thought you didn't want to kiss me anymore" John says, stifling out a small laugh.

Alex pouts at him. "Maybe I do"

"Right, well. That settles it." John said.

John took a sip of wine and then he gets up himself. He's towering over Alex and he takes his cheeks, pulling him into a sweet kiss. John sits down as they're kissing and Alex sits on his lap as they kiss. It leaves them both completely breathless. Alex felt dazed when he broke from their lips. His heart thundering and his mind in a whirl.

Breaking away, John drops his forehead on Alex's shoulder and he nuzzling into the crook of his neck. Peppering a loving few kisses there. "I've missed this"

"Me too" Alex said.

"You" John pressed another kiss. "Us"

Alex pulls back for a second. "You meant it right?"

John's brow rose. "Hm?"

"That you're sorry for what happened here last time" Alex says, slowly. He's searching in John's eyes. "Right?"

John's expression remained sullen and he nods. But he looks away from Alex. "Of course"

Then John is urging for Alex to get up off him. So Alex does and he stands there while John goes back over to sort dinner out.

"Flick on the TV, it'll be a while still before everything is cooked. May as well get the most out of the TV." John tells him, he's lifting up a pan lid and steam comes flying out. John's stirring the peppercorn gravy.

"Whys that?" Alex asks, then picks up his drink.

"I barely watch it, I never have time between working and getting home at a normal hour." John sighed. "Flick it on while there's time"

"Sure, okay. It's almost half past anyway. I've been watching this crime show on Netflix recently, I'll link you a bit about it later. It's really good, the plot is such a twist. Who ever wrote it? Fucking genius" Alex says brightly. "Actually, do you want me to put on the first episode?"

John shook his head. "No, it's fine, sweet. I don't really like crime shows."

"Seriously?" Alex scoffs. "How?"

"Because enough bad things happen in reality, hun. Why would you find it amusing? I don't get that."

Alex slums a bit. John had a point. "Well, isn't it fun to find out who the scumbag culprit is? And sure, yeah reality is a pile of shit. But in shows, at least there can be happy endings and justice."

"You think justice solves everything?" John places a hand on his hip as he continued to stir.

"Yeah, I do. Sure it won't bring someone back who's been killed but hey, karma is a motherfucker." Alex shrugs.

"Don't be delusional" John laughed and he looks back at Alex. "Karma ain't real"

Alex's smile died. He didn't know what it was with John at times when it came to certain topics. He always had to pull Alex down with his beliefs.

"Course it is" Alex defended.

"Alright, if you say so." John sang. "If we had karma happening, lovely, we wouldn't have so many horrible things happen in the first place. We would live in a perfect world."

True.

Alex shrugged again. He downs the rest of his wine and places the glass down. "Guess so"

"If we could all just live in a place where nothing bad ever happened, that would be the answer to all our problems to be honest. No war, no murders, no diseases. Nothing bad, just total happiness. How awesome would it be though. You agree? Would you want that too?" John asks him, deadly serious.

John was weird at times.

"Sounds like a beautiful thing" Alex nods. "It would be nice, I guess babe."

And by agreeing, John's face was Christmas morning. He grinned and went back to the steak.

"Lemme just go flick that TV on real quick, I wanna check out your channels" Alex said.

"Sure, sure" John ushered.

So Alex did. He's sat on the arm of John's spacious long sofa and he's peddling his way through all the channels. John had mad amounts and a pile of new shows Alex had never come across before. He ends up sitting watching one of them for a while until John shouted him back over into the kitchen.

Alex enters back into the kitchen, John had been busy. The table was done up all nice with red place mats, some red heart confetti sprinkled on the table. A jug of water with sliced lemon placed there with some cups.

Their knives and forks at the ready wrapped in napkin holders. The lights were on lower, John was finishing serving dinner on some plates and more wine was already in their glasses.

And a gorgeous candle piece set of four there in the very centre. Gorgeous and it tugged at Alex's heart strings.

"What do you think?" John says, grinning.

Alex laughs, he couldn't believe it. Everything was lovely. "Aw, John. This is... thank you."

"No need to, sweetie. You deserve this after everything." John said, he's shuffling one of the steaks on the plate. "Now, you just sit down and I shall serve you some dinner."

"Smells amazing by the way, like I'm hella hungry. Damn Jack, where you learn to cook?" Alex jokes. "Got skills"

Although Alex didn't see since John was once again with his back to him. John's smile faded.

"My mother" He confirms, gently.

"Oh" Alex said, he felt the excitement die down. He knew about John's mother, only a few things. Not everything. But he knew John had loved the bones of her from the way he spoke of her. "Well, still. You live up to her expectations. I bet she was a great cook"

"She was" John responds. "Yeah, she was. Well, she cooked whenever she could. We had cleaners and maid service during my childhood so they did a a lot of the cooking. But she always taught me and my sister when there was a chance."

"And what about your dad?" asked Alex.

There was a sudden silence. Alex bit his tongue, he shouldn't have asked that. He didn't know why he did but he had. John wasn't fond of his father. But it had just slipped out.

"What about him?" John asks.

"He ever like, teach you?" said Alex.

John shook his head and said nothing else. Alex figured that they leave that topic alone. Discussion ended. Actions said more than words sometimes. Alex watched John's side profile as he's dishing on some vegetables and the sauce.

Alex could see John baring daggers at the food and he wonders if he should say anything else. Instead Alex didn't and he drank his wine instead.

"Alright, here." John says, he comes over and puts the dinner down on Alex's side and so Alex takes a seat. Shuffling his chair in, getting ready to eat and going for his drink first.

John tops up his wine and he's taking his own plate. Alex unfolds the cutlery and John is taking a seat opposite him.

"Everything is beautiful, I appreciate this. I really do." Alex tells him. He's trying to make light of it all. He really is.

John doesn't do anything but sip at this drink. He's eyeing Alex as he does.

"You're welcome, dig in." John tells him, nonchalantly.

Alex does, he wastes literally no time cutting up his steak and trying some of the mashed potato. "Mm" He says. "This is amazing, damn. You sure you ain't some secret chef?"

John snorts as he takes another drink. "I can assure you, I'm not."

"You should be, you'd have your own show and everything. Gordon Ramsey eat your fucking heart out!" Alex laughs, John only keeps his smile and stiff expression. Alex cuts up another bite of steak.

He's swirling the piece around the gravy. John's still watching him and Alex eventually picks up on this.

"You're not eating?" Alex asks, eyeing up John.

John holds up a hold. "To be honest, sweetie. I haven't long eaten, a few guys who I work with dragged me for a burrito and a beer earlier. I will eat shortly."

Alex frowns. Because, what on earth.

"I thought this was about us?" Alex asks.

"It is?" John says.

"Yeah but you cooked all this and yet you ate earlier. Like, what was the point if you're not hungry?" Alex mutters.

John taps his fingers along side the glass. "Well, I couldn't really say no to them. I just kind of went along with it in the heat of the moment and we were discussing work. So I had to." John tells him, giving Alex a sweet smile. "Don't worry about me, you eat up. I'm just glad you came over. It's been ages, I've missed you and I just had to."

Alex's shoulders droop.

John places down his glass, he leans forward with crossed arms on the table. His smile turns to mush and his eyes are glossy. Alex was swimming in them, seeing John there in the candle light and that expression torn all of Alex's barriers down. He weak at the knees for this man. Just like the first saw they had met.

Totally helpless.

John threw his hair over his shoulder and he bites his lip before saying, "I love you, Alex."

Wait.

Alex could've sworn he heard wrong.

He sits back, dropping down his knife and fork. Alex bats his eyes at John in sheer disbelief because surely that couldn't be right.

"You what?" Alex squeaked.

John chuckled. Alex's reaction had been cute to him.

"I love you" John sighs, still giggling.

"You do?"

John chuckles again. "Mm, I do. I do, I do. You didn't know?"

Alex remained quiet for a moment and he's looking down at his lap. Then to the dinner plate, unsure of what to even say. Because he wondered if he should confess. Was this the right time or not.

His heart sped up quicker and quicker. Ringing in his ears.

No one had ever said that before.

"You okay?" John asks, slightly now concerned.

Alex was too busy processing it all in to speak. So John reaches over, he goes to grab Alex's hand there on the table but the thing was that Alex removed it.

He wasn't sure if he loved John.

Not completely yet anyway.

Hurt filled in John's eyes and so he withdrew his hand away.

"Alex?" He calls out again, gently. "Listen, if that was too soon then I apologise. But I can't help the way I feel."

Alex shakes his head.

"No, no. It's okay." Alex laughs it off. "You love me, okay. Ha." But laughing it off only seemed to make John more sour.

John was the one casting daggers this time.

"Right" John said, sheepishly. "Okay then it is. You going to finish up?"

Alex's brow creases a little. John sounded really snappy. It felt as if John was just hoping Alex said he loved him back. It was just that this was too soon after everything. Love was more than fancy meals, candles, booze and music. So much more.

It was about trust.

And Alex wasn't even certain he fully trusted John yet.

Sighing, Alex moved back. He knew where this was going to go. John was pissed off and they were probably on the brink of a new series of arguments. Alex knew that tone of voice all too well now. Like a broken record, here they go again.

"What's wrong?" Alex asks, he tries not to sound too aggressive and keeps his tone low.

John shook his head. "Nothing"

"It's not nothing, what is it really?" Alex asked.

"I just told you" John mutters. He's getting up, the chair made a horrid scrape and he's grabbing his plate of dinner. Opening the microwave and putting it in there.

Alex winced at the harsh bang the microwave door made.

Oh there was something, very wrong.

"You're mad because I didn't say I loved you back. That's what it is, right?" Alex says.

John grits his jaw.

"Right?" Alex pushed again.

Turning on his heels, John glared at Alex. "Yes, alright. Yes. I am fucking mad."

Alex pulls a face at John. The change of demeanour like this was fascinating.

"I'm mad because I feel like no matter how hard I try with you, Alexander, you don't seem to ever want me back!" John cries. "I've tried, I've tried and tried. I do not know what it will take. I feel as if I've ruined what we had before and like you don't trust me -"

"No, John. Jack, wait. Listen, it isn't that. I came here tonight because I wanted to mellow shit over and put it right between us. Just like you said. It's just with you saying you love me, I've never had that. No one has ever told me they love me. Not the way you do and it just shocked me. I'm not used to it, okay?" Alex reasoned.

John listened.

"I'm a city kid, I grew up in different homes, passed around like a rag doll from family to family. Not one of them loved me." Alex then thought back to his abuser. He closed his eyes and wiped him out of his memories. "Not properly. I mean, I have friends who love me and a foster father. But with you, it's different. It will always be different."

"So what're you saying?" John says.

Alex shrugs. "I can learn to love you back, it will just take some time. I'm new to love, John. I never have it often."

"What do you mean 'learn' to? You should automatically love someone, it's either you do or don't Alex" John snaps.

Oh, Alex did not like his tone.

This time Alex frown at him. "Well, considering the past few weeks between us haven't exactly been a dream come true for one another. Have they?"

John put a hand on his hip as he leans against the counter. His face in awe. "What?"

"I mean, how can I put my full trust, love and devotion into someone who is _stalking_ me?" Alex threw out.

John's eyes widened.

"I know you were coming into my work, John. Asking for me, my manager got so sick of it and I got in trouble. Then there's college, I saw your car pull up numerous occasions. John, I know. You kept going to my grocery store, you kept standing out side my apartment door and listening. John, do you know how fucking creepy that is?! And then you even had the nerve to accuse me of cheating on you!" Alex shouts.

Scoffing, John shakes his head and he just smirks sarcastically. "Yet you didn't approach me once"

"I didn't want to!" Alex snapped. "Why should I? When you're acting like a psycho!"

John laughs and he points at his chest. "So, what, I'm a psycho now?!"

Alex went quiet. He leans back in his seat. He shrugs. They're glaring at each other and the tension is building.

"No comment" Alex mumbled.

John was hard to love.

It would be too difficult if they kept this up. Alex was wondering now if he should just break it off completely. This would be the best time since they couldn't see eye to eye. Regardless of the feelings Alex had, they just couldn't work.

Their relationship was a car crash waiting to happen.

Inbetween all this Alex felt a little lightheaded. All the arguing was stressing him out already.

John looks elsewhere, he's crossed his arms and Alex can hear his heavy breathing. He was about to burst.

"You know, I told my sister about you for the first time, last night actually. She couldn't believe I found happiness again, throughout all the hell I went -" John stops himself and he glared back at John.

"You said you want to trust me, but can I trust you?" John said.

Alex scowls. Because, what?

"You, running off. Pushing me away, avoiding me. It's not nice, Alex." John lectured.

Alex sighed aloud. He didn't have time for this. So he pushes himself from his chair but Alex had been sat down that long he didn't realise just how lead-like his legs had turned. They felt like jelly, all heavy and numb.

"Enough with it John, fuck this. I don't have to listen to this. Not again." Alex told him, he's pushing himself up and tries to stand up.

Then Alex suddenly began to feel light.

Very lightheaded.

John however stood by the countertop, watching. He reaches for his wine glass, he sips it as Alex is blinking and rubbing his head. Murmuring something to himself about not being able to stand.

"And it has to be dealt with, I can't have you doing that. You know, every time I get with a guy and they all do the same thing. The exact same bullshit. Push me away. Yet they tell me to be open, so I open up and they don't like what they get." John laughs.

Alex looks over at John and sneers.

"John, can you help me get up? I don't feel well" Alex asks, he's trying to stand again. "Fuck, what the fuck"

However John doesn't. He remains watching Alex in amusement. It was sadistic really but John didn't care.

"So, yes. I am well aware just how possessive I can get, baby. I know. I just can't help it though, I mean, I had a pretty hard childhood myself you see " Alex looks up at John, stunned, he had to hear this. But the more he listened and watched, the more Alex's sight and hearing churned.

"It isn't just you who had it rough. Infact, we're kind of a like, me and you. And yeah, I know, sure, you had no parents around. Mother necked it in when you were twelve, right?" John says, Alex glowered that this.

"Shut the fuck up about my mother!" Alex barked.

"And your dad, he left for some other woman. Yeah? that's how the tale goes? Oh and your cousin who killed themselves. Yeah, crazy. But it doesn't top my story, baby. Not by a long shot. You're lucky you had no parents. Let's leave it at that."

"John, help me!" Alex begged. Everything was swirling now, his mind felt fuzzy and boomed with pain.

But John didn't attempt to even budge from his spot. He just drank away. "We don't need parents anyway. Waste of time. Always wanting to mould us into something we're not. Change us. Destroy us." John stated slowly. 

"Some parents they just, don't understand their children. Not all girls or boys are the same. There is always that stereotype, that expectation to live up to. Toys, they belong to all kids. But there is only so much a kid can take. Y'know?" John scoffs. 

Alex looked wide eyed at John. He felt alarm rise within him. And so Alex finds strength in him to move, he stands but only for a few minutes and he's toppling over down on the cold kitchen floor.

"And when you don't comply, you get punished."

This time John casually strolls on over. Looking down at him with this eerie look.

"Our stories could change, right now, for the two of us." John said, he takes another mouthful. "What do you say, baby? You in for a new chapter?"

Alex continued to just stare up at him in total fear. "John, please, help me up"

"You think I'm about to let you run off again? Have me chase you all around the damn city like your little lap dog? I don't think so. You see, I let you go before, I gave you a chance and you pretended like I didn't exist. So, no, cutie pie. I am not letting you out of my sight." John grins.

"Fucking help me up and take me home! Stop being fucking weird and help me! John, I can't move!" Alex shouted, his strength was getting lower and lower.

Alex feels his whole body tingle. He realised that John had spiked him. This was all a trap.

Nothing but terror ignited in Alex's mind. He's worming around on the floor, trying to pull himself on his knees, enough to shuffle over to the door so he could leave.

"John, please" Alex begged, his eyes became watery. He felt so, so scared. "Please, please!"

John snickered at the way Alex was trying to get up. He tried using the edge of the table to pull himself up. But every time fell down.

"John! Seriously, please, help!" Alex cried, desperately and he had tears in his eyes.

He didn't know what was going to happen.

John was biting his bottom lip. Too busy watching his so-called boyfriend suffer.

"Why would you do this?! What are you getting out of this! There is no point to this! You twisted fuck! You said you were sorry, you said this was done with!" Alex screamed at him, crying now and he's even struggling now to keep hold of the table for support.

Because Alex is terrified if he lets go, that's it. John has him.

"I did, yes. You weren't comfortable with my actions, so I apologised to you. But you never asked me how I was feeling?" John rebuffed. Alex narrowed his eyes, he hated how smug John was being. Making it about him again, nothing new. 

"You never said sorry to me. Did you, Alexander?" John hissed. 

Alex blinked at John in shock. He was in another world. 

It was a mistake to come here tonight, a total mistake. A nightmare Alex didn't even know or think he was going to get out of. 

"I have nothing to be sorry about!" Alex barked. It took the life out of him, his head went woozier for shouting.

John waved a finger at him and then put it on his lips as if he was telling Alex to pipe down.

"Truthfully, sweetheart, I don't know how I feel about all this. I can't say I'm as forgiving either." John said.

Frowning, Alex swallowed and he pulled a look of confusion. "What do you mean?"

And John put the glass in his view of Alex here on the ground. He was looking at him through a world of pink.

Then removed it out of his sight.

Perfect.

Alex just looked at him like he was truly insane.

"Well, you just going around, doing whatever you like. You know? You never told me where you were, you shut me out completely and it -" He takes a long swig. Alex's eyes narrowed at him. Then John puts his drink back down. He smacks his lips and crosses his arms, eyeing Alex.

"Upset me" John finished. "You hurt me, you crushed me by leaving like that!"

"And you hurt me!" Alex shouted. 

John looked murderous. He clenched his wine glass, surprisingly it didnt shatter from the force.

"You hurt me more than you will ever know!" John roared. 

Alex could only stare at John, his mind hazed up but John truly amazed him. He really did. John was almost shaking.

"We both have our own lives" Alex told him. "I'm a student, you know this. You knew what you were getting yourself into when you started talking to me. I'm busy, I have friends, I have my own things going on." 

"And so do I" John adds. "But it's going to happen again, you pushing me away. Isn't it?"

"John" Alex shook his head and he sighs. 

His head swirling.

"It isn't good enough" John scolds.

"What do you mean?" Alex ask, his voice became shakier now too. Alex draped a hand over his face, everything was become less and less pristine in his vision. Things became blurred but Alex tried to fight it. "Whatever you think, John. I have the right to live my own life, that isn't up for you to decide. Oh, for fuck sake! Just let me go, John take me home, please. Please!"

"That is not how relationships work" John tells him. 

Alex's eyes narrowed at him. He was so tired of John belittling him.

"And controlling someone isn't how they work either" Alex answered back. "This won't work, what ever you're intending, John. Please."

John's glare cut right through Alex. He shrugs off Alex's words.

"Well, you've proved to me what your intentions are. I don't condone them, baby. So, it isn't as if you have a choice anymore. From now on, we do things, my way." John tells him, unbothered. "And no need to take you home, love. You're already here, home sweet home."

"John" Alex said, breathlessly. "My head..."

John stood there and watched carefully. Loving every moment.

Alex was swaying now, as he was sat there he was starting to kneel over on his side. Slowly losing all energy, like a decaying flower Alex eventually lay there on his back. He tried to make sense of the ceiling.

The candle light flickering against it was the only thing Alex saw until John's shadow loomed forth.

The last thing Alex saw was the muggy silhouette of John hovering above him. Even John's voice couldn't be heard properly anymore, it came out in just a muffle and even though he couldn't make it out, it still managed to scare Alex to death.

"Don't worry, little one. I'll take good care of you."

And with that, the small dribble of wine that seeped down the side of Alex's open mouth, his heartbeat growing wild, it was then at that minute when everything turned black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... so this is where things basically go crazy for them both.
> 
> But I hope everyone is staying sane and safe during this quarantine. I am trying guys and I am trying to keep up with these stories of mine. My other story will be updated next so if you read it please keep an eye out this week for an update.
> 
> It's just been so sunny and hot lately I haven't felt like writing. Plus this lockdown is draining and it has made me feel super lazy which is terrible.
> 
> But hopefully we get out of it soon together, healthy and safe.
> 
> Thank you for reading,
> 
> PP XO


	6. Grabbed my hand, pushed me down. Took the words right out my mouth. Tag, you're it, tag, tag, you're it

Everything was a blur when Alex awoke.

Slowly he blinked his eyes and as the darkness evened out in his vision, the world was spinning.

He wonders just how long he had been asleep.

And not to mention that his head was ringing, it took a few minutes for the headache to really kick in. Bang, bang, bang echoed all through his head. It was murderous and Alex made a soft whine from it.

Looking around at first Alex had no clue where he even was. He felt spaced out, lost and vulnerable. He sits up and he's whimpering from the aching pain. He's scratching at his temples and yawns. But even just yawning hurt.

The last thing he remembered was John, the wine he drank and the sudden nausea he felt when he couldn't move his body.

The realisation came in when Alex figured he his meal and drink had been spiked.

Dinner together had been a set up. Alex clasps at the bed sheets as he thinks back to the night before. It occurred to him, just why and what had John done that for. It made no sense.

Alex bit his lip. He knew he was going to have to head to the walk in center later, just to see if he had been sexually harassed. There was always that which may have happened.

"Oh god" He mumbles.

As Alex bent his head for a second as he clasped the aching back of it. That was when he noticed. His heart stopped dead at the sight of it all.

Alex slowly looked down at his lap and he notices what he's wearing.

A skirt.

A very frilly pink short skirt.

Alex's brow creased and panic overtakes him. He pulls the sheet right over from him and Alex gasps when he sees that he's got thigh high socks on. Pink shimmery ones with little bows.

"What in the fuck" Alex rasped. "No, oh, no nno. This can't be real, no"

It wasn't though. Alex played and tugged at the skirt he wore, then he sees the frilly white blouse on him with puff sleeves. He had pink sheer polka dot heart stockings on too, occupied with some soft pink fluffy socks.

Then Alex wonders one more thing. He's throat hitches and he's panicking. Alex pulled the elastic on his skirt and looked at his underwear. But even that was different, his striped briefs were gone. Replaced by lace lilac female panties instead.

Alex clasps his mouth.

The worst flew over his mind and it got him thinking, hard. "Oh my god. Oh my god, no he couldn't. He wouldn't" Alex rasps to himself, he's gritting his teeth and growling at it.

But John had really gone and done this. It wasn't even the skirt that made him angry, it was the betrayal.

"That sick prick" Alex mutters. "He really went there."

Alex shook his head and he's looking around for his clothes. He can't see them at all, nothing but plush toys and heart shaped cushions. Alex felt his blood rise and he realised just how dire his situation was becoming.

"The fuck" He says, he looks around at the room fully now. He sees it's pretty much fit for a child or a young girl.

This had to be a rotten dream.

"John" Alex says, raising his voice. He's glaring around at the room looking to see if John was in sight but nothing. He needed to chew his idiot ex out. Because no way were they going out now. Not a chance in hell.

Alex repeats himself again, but louder. "John!"

It took a few minutes for the handle to turn. Alex sat there waiting, seething. Then slowly the door opened, Alex's heart rate went through the roof nearly when he saw John's face revealed.

Alex's jaw bucked and he's ready to throw punches if needed be.

It was frustrating, to see John stood there with the brightest of smiles.

"Ah, you're awake." He says, grinning.

Alex gritted his teeth.

"Yeah I'm awake. John, what is this?" Alex says in disbelief, he grasps the white button puff sleeve shirt he was wearing. "What the fuck is this? I told you, I don't want to wear this weird costume shit!"

But John looked at him like it was nothing. He tilts his head at Alex, almost cluelessly. Alex's eyes squint at John because he couldn't believe this was really happening. After John had apologised too, he lied to Alex.

John pouts at him. "Aw, baby. Are you cranky?"

"Fucking right I am!" Alex shouted. "Call me a cab, I want to go home. Where is my phone? Fuck this. Infact, where are my clothes?! Jesus! This is the final straw, I cannot take anymore of this from you."

John's eyebrows shot up, clearly shocked. "Now, now. That's no way to talk to Daddy" John lectured.

Alex's mouth dropped for a second and he blinked cluelessly at him. Because that was the ultimate, most grotesque word John had ever referred to himself as.

"What? What the fuck did you just call yourself? said Alex.

Then John finally comes into the room, he comes towards Alex.

"You heard." John chided.

Alex's face of disgust still hadn't budged. He watches John trail closer.

"And, my gosh. I must say, you look very cute but stop pulling at your shirt like that. You'll rip the buttons off, it's new. I got it especially for you. Look after your clothes." John scolds. He reaches for Alex's hand to remove it from his shirt but Alex avoids his touch. John sees this and his quickly brows knit.

"John, talk normal. Stop acting weird." Alex mutters.

John quirked a brow. "I am"

"Forget this" Alex sighs.

He gets up off the bed, swinging his legs over the side and he shoots up. As he begins to take the first few steps, Alex's legs still feel like jelly. He stumbles a little but he keeps his balance. John watches him, Alex pays his beady gaze no mind. He has to leave.

As Alex walks past John and makes his way out into the hall, that was when John follows him and grabs Alex by the arm. His touch was light at first but it turned into firm when Alex struggled to shake John off.

"Get off me" Alex snaps. "I don't want you fucking touching me! You bastard!"

John's face turns to distraught and he gets Alex by the shoulders to put him in place. "Just hear me out"

"No" Alex hisses. "Never again, John. No. Never again! Get your hands off!"

John's fingers gritted a bit more into Alex and it hurt. Alex grimaces loudly.

"Listen" John says, softly. "Please hear me out"

"Why should I? You lied to me! You said you were sorry for what happened and now you do this? I said I wasn't comfortable with dressing up. What don't you get when someone tells you 'no', John?!"

"Baby, listen to me. I can explain what's happening if you just let me" John tries.

Alex scoffed at him and he finds the strength to pull away. He storms off into the kitchen and goes through to the living room. John stalls right behind.

"Alexander" John calls, his hands are out helplessly. "Hey, hey, listen!"

"I'm taking this shit off and burning it once I get out of here" Alex seethed.

He goes straight to the front door and Alex gets the shock of the life when he's turning the lock and tugging the handle trying to open it.

The door didn't budge.

With a frown, Alex glared at the door. So he tried again.

Nothing happened. And so turned it again, once more, the door didn't open.

Then again, panic rose in his gut so much it hurt. Nothing was working and Alex's heart pace sped up. His lips tremble as awell as his fingers.

Something was wrong.

"Alex" John says wearily as he watched. "Love, leave the door alone for a moment. Come over here. Sit please?"

Alex froze for a moment and he turns the handle again. He shakes his head when he finally processed John's words after a split moment.

So he tugs the door again, returns the lock just incase it was jammed and when it didn't open, Alex kneed the door. He thumps a hand on it and tugs the handle for dear life.

"Alex stop" John tells him. "The door isn't going to open"

Alex shook his head. He didn't want to believe him. He bangs the door again and kicks it this time. John makes a gasp at this and he's coming over to Alex this time. He tries to pull Alex away by the arm but Alex swats him away. So respectfully, John moves back a few.

"Sweetie, you're getting yourself worked up" John said softly. "Please, chill"

"No, I won't. Not until this opens and I'm getting stressed out because of you! Now open the door!" Alex shouts, turning to John, his eyes filled with rage. John looked taken aback by Alex's state.

John put up his hands at hand, while John's attempt at no harm done came across almost believable. Alex remained apprehensive. "Can you just sit down on the sofa? Please? I can explain everything to you."

"About how you drugged me?" Alex chokes, laughing sarcastically. He rummages a hand in his hair and ruffles it into a messy heap out of frustration. He didn't even know where to begin with this, all of it.

And it didn't help that Alex was feeling more scared now than angry. He didn't know what was happening, why John was keeping him here and what he wanted. Alex hated how he had walked into this trap so blindly.

John comes forth, only a couple of steps, enough to keep a little distance. Evidently not wanting to cause more trauma for Alex.

"I had to" John told him. "I know, when you look at it like that, sure, you're right. I did drug you, but I had to."

Alex narrows his eyes. "Why? Why did you? John, I was paralysed. I couldn't move!"

"I know" John says, sadly. His eyes lowering.

He was giving Alex that look. The cover model of someone in utter disgrace. But it wasn't going to work. "I thought I was going to die" Alex said croakily. "Everything went numb, my legs, my tongue, my arms and head. Jesus christ!"

"I know, baby. I know! It won't happen again. I promise." John assured him.

"It isn't going to, you're damn right. Because this -" Alex pointed at him and Alex. "It's finished"

Well that must have done it for John. He stands there with his arms flopping to his sides, he stares blankly at Alex and his mouth open a jar. It was as if a flame had been blown out of a dark room. Alex remained glaring at him, fire in eyes and his breathing frantic.

John looked more than hurt.

"I can't with you, the stalking, the weird fetish, talking down to me like I'm a child. You always try and dominate the situation for your own benefit. You don't care about me, you never have!" Alex rambles, then he slammed another loud pound against the door. "Now open this fucking door before I break it down! Hear that? Do it!"

John heard him.

Very loud and clear.

He tilts his head at Alex and his expression goes very quickly from betrayed to irritated. Alex is sure John may have just narrowed his eyes at him, only for a split second. Alex felt knots tie within him and he's keeping his fist clenched just incase he needed to dislocate John's chin.

"Baby, please do as you're told. Sit." John wasn't backing down.

Alex let out a loud pained whine. He kicks the door and punches it out of rage. He's furious, he didn't know what it was going to take for John to let him out. John makes a sharp "Enough" as Alex threw out another kick.

"That's it, no more" John drops his guard, he comes over this time and he's trying to manhandle Alex.

"Let me go!" Alex shouted.

"I don't think so, little one. You remain here now, Daddy will explain and go over the rules."

Alex's face scrunched up at him. He thrashed his arm out of John's grasp and roughly pushed John in the stomach away from him. Not that it did that much good because John stood his ground. He furrows his brow at Alex as if he couldn't believe he'd just shoved him.

"Now that was uncalled for" John mutters. "Right fine. I may as well just cut to it. Rule number one, in this house, we are nice to one another. The doll house is for good vibes. So, baby, I want positive energy. That means we don't _hurt_ each other, you don't hit Daddy, you are kind to Daddy and no swearing. Understood?"

Alex wanted to laugh. Instead he snorts right in John's face. "Oh, this is _so_ over, John. We are so done. Fuck you and let me out"

He turns back to the front door. Half of it's gorgeous dark oak wood was scuffed up and scratched already from Alex's doing. Not that he cared. "And you've got this thing installed too. John what's the code? I'm being serious now, no more games. I want to go home."

John however stands there with his hands in his pocket, watching Alex press at random numbers on the keypad. He failed every time. Alex tried putting in birthdays and even Christmas day. Nothing. He mutters under his breath and groaned aloud eventually.

"John!" Alex shouted, turning back to him, his face fixated with rage. "Stop assing around! What is the damn code?!"

"Baby doll" John says, steadily, very calmly too. It creeped Alex out and it churned his stomach. This was starting to get frightening now.

"John, please, just let me go home. Open up, I just want to leave." Alex pleaded. "Look I won't tell anyone, I won't press any charges, nothing! John, please, just let me go home!"

John looks right down on him, he shook his head, he crosses his arms. "Now, what did I say to you? No swearing. And what did you do? You swore, that's naughty."

Alex scowled at him, he couldn't believe this. This was pure madness. "The hell" Alex rasped.

"That also includes, no shouting, no screaming and acting out of line. I can't tolerate a bad baby. I need you to calm down, okay? Try to humble yourself, it's okay. You aren't in trouble, you won't be, just behave and we can get through the rest of the rules together. Calmly."

Alex wasn't having it. "I swear, John, if you don't open this fucking door right now, I will tear your damn face off!" Alex threatens.

John actually laughed.

The asshole.

"Oh, my god. Sweetheart, you are going to be _such_ a challenge. But I'm up for it. Like I said, follow the rules and we won't have a problem. I think that is enough with you trying to verbally murder me. Now, if you can, baby, take a seat on the sofa and Daddy can explain what will happen next" John tells him.

Alex has a feeling John is getting off on this deep down, it was a thrill for him to act like this. Domineering, big, scary.

Alex squints his eyes at him.

"No" Alex said.

John gave Alex an aggravated look. As if he couldn't believe Alex was really acting up.

"Baby, sofa, now" John repeats, firmer.

And what made it worse was John clicked his fingers at him and pointed towards the sofa. Alex scowled, he wasn't a dog.

But as Alex goes back to playing around on the code pad. He completely ignores John up until he hears footsteps loom and his arm is grabbed, tightly. Alex yelps from his clasp and John drags Alex over to the sofa.

"John!" Alex shouted. "What're you doing?!"

"Listen to me, now. I have just told you what to do and you deliberately ignored me. If we are going to be living together, you better start listening!" John shouted back.

This surprised Alex. John was starting to unravel his true colours now.

"I don't even want to live with you!" Alex bawls. "And why should I listen?! You drugged me, you dress me in this shit and you're keeping me from leaving! What the hell is wrong with you?! I knew you were strange as fuck from the get go, but this is way out of hand. Fuck it. No." Alex hisses and he's diving back up.

"Alex" John muttered.

Alex is trying to making a break for the kitchen but John holds him in place. "Where is my phone?"

"You don't need a phone" John said crossly. "Sit down"

"Where's my fucking phone?!"

John closes his eyes and just looks done. Alex took it as an opportunity to vanish out of sight, he pushes past John then bolts into the kitchen and at the sound of his hurried footsteps that was when John's eyes sprang back open.

Alex dashes into the kitchen, he's frantically looking around for a phone. Any. Just so he could call the police and demand to have the door kicked in.

"Alex?" He could hear John call.

But Alex was dragging out drawers, cupboards, throwing them open and going through them like a mad man. Muttering under his breath and even checked the fridge to see if John had hid it in there. John came through and he's watching Alex in the door way.

"What're you doing?"

"Trying to find my phone" Alex snippily says. "Where is it?"

John ran a hand over his face. "Not this again"

Alex grit his teeth, burning a fierce glare at John and slam his fists on the counter top. "I'm sick of repeating myself! Enough with the games! Where is my phone?!"

"That attitude" John snickered. "Honestly, shouting and talking to me like that isn't doing you any favours."

"Just tell me! Or better yet just open the front door! Let me go!" Alex bellowed and banged his fists down again. "John!"

John shook his head with a sigh. "You're not leaving. There. Now you know."

Alex's brow furrowed. His stomach dropped again for the millionth time today.

"What do you mean?"

Then John began to slowly stall towards him, there was this dead look in his eyes and a forlorn face present. Alex eyed him, this was getting creepier by the minute.

"Well, when you're cruel about ones passion, sometimes the best way to make the narrow minded is to give them an experience. Brighten their perspective." John says.

"Huh?" went Alex.

John's eye went slitted. The way he looked down at Alex made his insides squirm.

"I think perhaps this experience will help you" John informs.

Alex's face twitches.

"Not to worry though, I always play nice" John said softly, his lips roll into a playful but dark smirk.

That was when Alex knew this was far from over. John had a plan for him, for whatever this was. But Alex didn't care to stick around long enough. He didn't want to be a part of what sick concoction John had been brewing for so long.

"No" Alex muttered under his breath.

He couldn't stay here.

Fear got the better of Alex and he didn't think when his legs carried him down the bottom of John's hall. He had never gone this far down before and for a condo it was massive. Alex was surprised just how large this place truly was, John hadn't allowed him down here before. Only the living room, kitchen and small bathroom near by.

Alex could hear John calling his name. But Alex continued to run, he was quick and swift flying up the stairs. There had to be at least another two storeys above.

A beautiful glass circular ceiling was above, Alex looked up at it a daze. He wondered when he was going to be able to experience the rain coming down on to it again. Perhaps never if he doesn't find a way to escape John's clutches.

John must have paid a number for this place. It was enormous. Alex shook himself out of his thoughts over the condo and focused on where he should go next. He missed a few of the steps as he ran up to the next floor, panting heavy as he did and there were four doors on either side.

Alex has a little moment of panic as he's picking and choosing. He quickly opens one door, looks inside and it was only an office. He pulls it shut. Then the next and it turned out to be a laundry room, equipped with the highest laundry machines on the market, Dyson everywhere.

He pulled that door shut too. He looks into the last two, one was another office although it looked more like a meeting room. A large long table, chairs, a water cooler and small kitchen on the end. No good.

The last room, a spare room. Again, useless.

"Alex?"

John was nearing. Alex's heart jumped and he doesn't pull the door this time, he leaves it. So Alex shoots up the next flight of stairs where he assumed was where John slept.

There had to be somewhere he could hide. Alex runs up the last few steps and he was met with more doors, it was more spacious than the floor below though. Beautiful wooden glossed flooring, art pieces up on the walls and fancy plants. It felt much more personal. The floor below was probably where John had work visitors Alex assumed. But never mind to all of that.

Alex doesn't take his time looking into the rooms, he can hear John downstairs and he was making his way up.

"Alex, where are you? Come here, honey, if you want me to show you around. I can do that. You don't have to hide away from me" John called.

However Alex knew better than to trust him. John was no doubt going to lock him away somewhere. Alex goes for the door facing him, right down the hall and so, he runs quickly, quieting down before pulling the door open fast.

He goes inside, his breathing shaky, his fingers sweaty. Alex shuts the door, he tries his best to not make too much noise. Then he leans against the door for a second, quivering out a long sigh, with his eyes closed. A familiar scent hit his nose, John's musky vanilla smell. Alex then opens them and his heart almost stops completely when he sees the sight before him.

Dolls.

Dolls, dolls and more dolls.

Pot Victorian dolls, barbie dolls, marionettes, baby dolls. Rag dolls. There were thousands, all lined up sat on shelves. Alex's mouth dropped and he pulled a look of horror. Then he remembered how John had told him it was a passion of his to rework pot dolls. How his mother used to craft them and how John adored them as a child.

"What in the hell" Alex whispers to himself.

A large king sized bed was in the middle of this big room, plain white sheets and a velvet grey headboard. The bed was so modern while everything else remained the mystery inside of John's warped mind.

It was like a normal bedroom, John had a TV, gaming consoles on the cabinet under the TV on the wall. Drawers and top of the range furniture were here too. Alex noticed the scatter of art supplies on a desk in the far corner and a laptop.

Alex's eyes went wide when he noticed that.

But there was no time to sit there on it and contact someone for help. Plus John was likely to have a password on there. Alex mentally noted the laptop now he knew where it was for later.

John had a large walk in wardrobe, the door was already open and Alex wasted no time running inside it. It was filled with the most expensive pieces, top suits, glossy work shoes and pricy sneakers or your one off designer pair of dress shoes. The rails were filled to the brim, Alex honestly couldn't care less about the clothes and plush cashmere.

And he didn't care even more when he decides to push through the rail rack at the very bottom of the wardrobe. Alex shuffles through them, he's glad the coats meet the floor, they're just enough to hide him and Alex had never been more grateful for being short than he was now.

Alex moves to the very back behind the coats and he pulls them over him, luckily there is that many that he's concealed perfectly. Alex listened to his own breathing and closed his eyes. He pulled the sides of his hair and gritted his teeth.

He just could not believe this, any of it.

This was surreal, sick and inhumane. And it was happening to him.

"Could my life get any worse" Alex says to himself.

As Alex waited silently, he breathes in deeply and exhales slowly. He had to get away from John before he exploded. Everything down there was making him feel sick, being around John had made him feel crazy. Taking in his situation, it was too much.

"What am I going to do, fuck. Fuck." Alex squeaks, his throat felt raw and sore. He wanted to cry but couldn't out of fear.

If he started to sob buckets then the crying would only draw John closer and Alex didn't want John to feel like he'd won. He wasn't giving him the satisfaction.

"Trust me to meet a weirdo. Only I could do this" Alex sniffled.

Alex took in another few deep breaths and calmed himself down. He looked around where he was stood and there were a few boxes behind him on the floor from what he could make out. They were probably filled with old junk, he figured. Or dead bodies, but Alex shuddered off that thought. Instead he then looks around again before looking up and he sees a vent.

It had to lead somewhere.

"Maybe..." He says, quietly.

Alex has an idea. He bends and begins to push one of them boxes but it wasn't easy. They were heavy. Alex pushed the first one just under the vent before rushing to the other one and he tried to pick it up.

Grunting, Alex ended up dropping it and he winced out a small 'shit' under his breath. He didn't want John to hear.

Just as Alex huffed and heaved up the next box on top of the other that was when he heard the bedroom door open. Alex immediately stiffened. He stood in place, his arms around the box and his eyes were like basketballs.

Every inch of him turned to ice.

"Alex" John calls.

Alex wanted to scream, he wanted to cry and punch the wall. There wasn't enough time but Alex was going to try anyway because he had everything to lose. He slowly, silently, tries to pull himself up on the boxes. They kept wobbling though despite their heavy weight but if he could get on the one on top, it would give him just enough height to pry at the vent.

He heard footsteps.

"I know you're in here, you think I don't know my own home?" John laughs. "Baby, come on out. This is getting silly now, too silly. Daddy doesn't want to play games anymore. Sweetie, I'm being serious."

Alex growled. "Go to hell" He whispers. He tries again to pull himself up without making too much noise.

John was busy lurking around in his bedroom, checking underneath the bed and under the desk. Opening his other wardrobes. Alex could hear him pacing, shuffling and John huffing whatever it was under his breath in annoyance.

Alex bit his lip, he's almost got himself up on the box. Just a little more, slowly, quietly. It wasn't easy when he had a time limit.

"Right, that's it. Alexander, out now. No more messing around." John yells out.

Alex however does manage to lift himself up on the box and he almost loses his balance as he slowly pulls himself up to stand. Alex has a hand on the wall for support as he does then he's reaching the other for the vent.

He can hear John sigh aloud. Clearly fed up.

"Baby doll, there is no where to run. It's like I said, be good and everything will run smoothly." John says. "Listen to Daddy, I mean you're gonna have to at some point. Because you're not going anywhere else."

Alex clenched his jaw and grit his teeth at that statement.

"Wrong motherfucker" Alex murmurs.

As Alex pushes up the vent lid his mind is elsewhere. He's too intent on getting out of here, he isn't thinking straight. Alex hadn't thought this through, there wasn't enough time and so when the vent lid creates the horrid, most loudest creak which automatically catches John's attention.

It makes Alex crumple up his face and whisper out "Oh shit" to himself.

This was his chance, he had to hurry. Alex pushes the vent lid to the side and he can hear John say something but he doesn't really take it in. That wasn't enough the worst part as a horrifying load of dust immediately falls down on Alex and he's blinded by it.

Alex breaks out into a coughing fit and he can't hear the charging footsteps his way when he's too busy choking. The next thing Alex knew was that as he moved around on the top of the box, he went too near the side and that was it. He's toppling over, falling through the coat pile and landing on his side.

He fell with such a horrid bang too.

Alex cries in pain, howling from the sharp fall and clasps the arm he fell on.

John's face is a picture of distress, he's rushing right over to Alex there on the floor and he pulls Alex to sit upwards.

"Oh my god" John gasps. "Jesus christ, Alex! What the hell were you doing?!"

Alex was whimpering from the pain, too stressed to care that John was fawning over him.

"Can you move your arm?" John asks softly. "No, oh no. Alex, move your arm"

"It hurts" Alex sobbed.

John was scanning his eyes over it and feeling up his arm. "Try, Alex. Try"

As Alex goes to, lifting it hurt terribly but he was able to move it. John sighs out of relief, he couldn't have them going to the hospital. It was too risky.

"Thank god, it's not broke" John says, wearily. He sits there with Alex on the floor and he's raking his fingers through Alex's hair to calm him.

"No" Alex finally says. He sounded so defeated, angry, tired. One simple thing he had tried to do and even that went wrong. Alex shoves John hand away from him with his good arm and scowls at him. "Get off me, get off. Don't you act like you give a shit."

John stared at Alex, shocked. "What?"

Alex scoffs, he tries to get up, whines as he forgets his arm is busted as he tried to stand up using it. John watches, he didn't look pleased. Alex grunts and groans, it was too painful to move just yet.

"You can't have any broken bones now, can you? Scared that you'll get found out" Because Alex could see straight through him. John continues to just stare at him and this time, his brow creases.

"Scared shitless that I'll tell, publish you to New York times, soil that precious family name. Once everyone knows just what a disturbed fuck you are, it's game over. Laurens." Alex spat.

John turns his head to look over where Alex had been hiding. Alex glares at him.

"And yeah, I was trying to get out of here." Alex hisses. "To get far, far away from you"

He goes back to nursing his oozing arm, John turns back to him and they're both sat there glaring at one another. Tension rising.

John lets out a hefty heave, he ruffles up scratching the back of his nape and shakes his head.

"I don't understand" John began. "Why?"

Alex laughed falsely. As if it wasn't obvious and laughing in John's face must've been the turning point. His nicey nice facade quickly died. John was glowering.

"Oh, shut up. I've had enough with your snide remarks, you throwing your tempter and running around my home aimlessly. How can you be so ignorant and rude, when all I have done is take you in. Provide care for you, house you, dress you." John snaps back. "You could've really hurt yourself, are you listening to me? You're bad! A bad baby!" John shouts.

Alex rolled his eyes so far back. John make a disgruntled noise at this and Alex snickered right after.

"Are you serious? John, tell me this is a joke? Is this all a bad dream?" Alex asks.

John narrows his eyes. "No, it isn't."

"God, you really are insane" Alex said to him. John's mouth opened then closed, like he tried to speak but couldn't. "Bat shit crazy"

"Don't say that" John shook his head, closing his eyes. "Do not" Then he opens them, baring daggers at Alex and points in Alex's face. That must have triggered him, Alex senses John must have been told this before.

"This all wrong and you don't even think what you're doing to me isn't normal." Alex tells him.

John continued to stare at him like he was about to explode.

But John let that one wash over him, he lets out a heavy breath. Then says, "Because you're mine"

"No, John! I'm not yours. Once, I was. Once. But you ruined that and now, here we are!" Alex burst.

"That's not true!" John yelled back. "You were mad at me when you said that, you don't mean it! No, you need me. You do."

Enough was enough. Alex had to go. Maybe he could find a phone or if he was quick enough now, get up and take John's laptop and lock himself away in another room until he could contact authorities.

"And your beautiful stockings, look, christ. They're all torn! Baby, have you seen what you've done to them?" John hisses. "And your skirt is all messed up, the tule is ripped as well!"

"I can't listen to this" Alex said, his voice breaking. He felt scared right now if he were honest. He didn't know what was coming next.

As Alex tries to pull himself up and he manages to. John's eyes were wide and wild. He immediately grabs Alex by his sore arm, deliberately and Alex howls from it. And John pulls him right back over. "Come here"

"No!" Alex shouted. "You freak! Get off!"

"My house, my rules. You'll do as I say!" John bawls back, going almost red in the face.

"No I won't!"

"Yes, you will!"

It was then when something switched inside Alex. He finally was able to unmask John.

He didn't know who this was.

"Get the hell away from me!" Alex screams.

Then a smack happens.

A full on smack.

John's entire head moved from it and it echoed around the entire walk in wardrobe.

Alex still had his hand in the air, heaving angrily, eyes rabid as he watches John grimace from the slap.

"Do you really, honestly, think I'm going to go along with your freaky fetish? You sick bastard. How could you?! I trusted you -" Alex choked, crying. "I trusted you! And you're doing this to me! I have a home, a real home! I have friends, school. I have dreams, John and you know about them. Why would you take them away?"

John could only blink and he grips his swollen cheek.

"We could've had it all, we could've been together and it would've been amazing. But now..." Alex was trembling.

John sat opposite him, brain dead, lifeless.

"You ruined it! You're insane!" Alex all but screams at the top of his lungs, red raw and he does it right in John's face.

And for that, it was Alex's face which was the next to turn. But this time the whack belted ten bells right out of him. Alex staggered and hit back into the chest of drawers behind him.

John had just punched him.

A full on swing.

Minutes passed, time felt like it had stopped, completely. Nothing but heaving rasps filled the air, the line between them, once porcelain and now it was broken. Alex Didn't even know how to react right now, he felt nothing.

John huffed and was trying to get his breath back. But more so, it felt as if John was thinking how he could justify himself next. To make it seem that he was right and how Alex is wrong.

"I think you've said _enough_ , princess." John's voice was heavy. "Now, I can make life here difficult for you. It's up to you."

He was glaring at Alex as he rubbed his reddened cheek.

Alex cried from the punch. It sent his entire body into stone and his soul ached. John watched how Alex checked to see if his nose was bloody, it wasn't though. But Alex's cheek was red, throbbing, his gums hurt and his eyes were watered from the impact. That punch had knocked the living daylights out of him nearly.

John does nothing but watch Alex gasp and mewl in pain. Alex cups his cheek, his eyes clenched shut and he's rocking forwards as if that would soothe and help. His body felt so numb right now. He hoped his back teeth weren't broken.

"Behave" John warns.

Rasping, Alex opens his eyes slowly through blurred vision and he gradually looks up to meet John's gaze.

"Do not push me, anymore than you have tonight. Sweetness. Do not."

Another threat. Alex knew he had to cool it, for the sake of his own life. John could do anything to him. Alex always knew John was strong but never thought the day would come where he's almost taking his head off.

Now Alex was terrified. Deep down, he didn't know if he was going to get through this.

Alex gulped.

It took Alex a moment to find his voice again, eventually he did and his words came out like jelly. "Are you going to kill me? Is that what this is? John? Are you some kind of secret serial killer?"

John looked defeated by this point. His shoulders dropped and he gave Alex such an exasperated expression. Almost as if he couldn't believe Alex had asked him that. "No, I'm not. Now, listen and listen good, doll."

Alex's brow quirked. Doll?

"You can kick, scream, shout, bitch and moan all you want, but sooner or later you will give up. You have no choice but to adjust to this life." John explains.

"But why?!" Alex cried. "Why are you doing this? Let me go!"

"Because, your my little doll" John stated, plain as day.

Alex stared at John, he was full on mad. Confirmed.

"Jesus, oh god. Oh god. I don't know what you're trying to do here, but it won't work!" Alex lost it. "You sick - You sick twisted - You need a shrink, you need professional -"

John cut him off, shrugging. "I've been called worse, I guess. But it will, that's the thing. You have no other option."

Alex shook his head. "No John. You're wrong! People will look for me, you can't just erase a person's existence." Alex spat.

At this John arches up a brow and huffed out some kind of a sarcastic sly laugh. "Trust me, sweetheart. I have my ways."

"What? You'll bribe the police with your daddy's riches? Typical. You southerners, you're all nut jobs. If you're not burning crosses, wearing white sheets, preaching about god, then your all corporate goons with sick minds!"

"Rude" John mutters. "Well, here's another thing, lovely. I'm not exactly from that side of the south, I think we can both establish that I tend to have a bit more decorum and education. I hardly come from the land of trailer park trash or narrow-minded small sundown towns. Now, if you will, let Daddy talk?"

Alex's head drops. He felt so lost.

"This is all kinds of fucked up" Alex murmured.

But John hears his anguish. He looks somewhat sympathetic towards Alex. John shuffles closer, he doesn't touch Alex. He knows better as Alex will lash out again. John sighs softly, he tilts his head and taps his fingers on the floor as if he was thinking on what to say next.

A few minutes go by. Alex sat there, silently suffering in pain still. John feared moving incase Alex did something else drastic.

Then John is the first the break the silence. "Hey, do you want me to give you some ice for your cheek?'

Alex shakes his head. He wanted nothing from John.

"No? Honey, it'll help." John assured him.

But again, Alex gives him a 'no'.

"I'm trying, here, okay? I want to -" John exhales through his nose, he tips his head back in annoyance. 

"Save it" Alex cut in. "I don't want ice"

John sits back up, he does a bit of a shrug now that he feels at a loss. Alex remains sat there, quiet. His eyes closed and he's just trying to disappear if he can. If that was possible, Alex hoped he could just vanish right now from this situation.

John gets his phone out his pocket, he checks the time and then puts it away.

"Do you want some dinner?" John asks him. A harmless question but even that sounded dodgy.

Alex feared John may drug him again.

"No" He replied.

Johns's shoulders drop. "Love, it's been hours since you've eaten. Look, I can make you something and you can take a bath. Please, I am trying to be mutual here. I want to make up. Can't you see that?"

Alex bore him daggers.

"I'm not going to do anything to your food, because I know that's what you're thinking. And I get that but I'll even try some infront of you. I promise." John said. "Okay?"

Alex didn't know. It wasn't as if he had any choice and he was starving. He hadn't eaten for a full day which wasn't like him. By now Alex would've probably had his usual McDonalds egg sandwich breakfast or stopped by at Chipotle for a beef burrito. Food did sound good and any excuse to get these horrid clothes off him.

So Alex said nothing. He brought his legs up to his chest and rested his head on them, turning away from John as he did.

John didn't know if that was a yes or no. He gets up from the floor, dusting himself up as he does.

"I'll make you something to nice eat." John tells him.

He was trying to lighten the mood and be all cute. It wasn't working. Alex didn't trust him.

"Do you want to get up now? I can take you back to your room. You can run yourself a bath."

And so Alex does get up, his legs felt like lead and his arm is so sore. Alex has to push himself up using the chest of drawers behind him, John offers out a hand to help but Alex slaps it away. So John retreats and doesn't bother again.

Alex leaves the room with John, as Alex walks on he notices in the corner of his eye John shut his bedroom door and locks it. He slides a key into his back pocket where his phone was. Alex turns quickly, hoping John didn't see him look.

John catches up to Alex and they go back downstairs together.

In the end Alex gave in.

John provided Alex with a pair of pink frilly shorts and a pink night t-shirt to match. Alex didn't care about the colour because anything was better than dressing up in the weird girly clothes John put him in.

Alex hoped to god John had other clothes, male ones he could wear tomorrow. Alex even thought maybe he could bring John round and see if things could change in the morning.

Less than likely, but he had to try.

Alex took his bath, the bathroom was huge, it was all modern and fancy. A sunken tub, a cabinet shelf filled with posh products, Alex shopped in Target or Dollar Tree. He had never heard of some of the names John kept up there at all.

But it was immaculate, spotless. Alex wondered if this bathroom had always been this way. It looked re-newed, the silicone on the bath and walls was too fresh. Even the bedroom looked brand new. Although Alex had never stepped foot in these rooms before today. John had always kept him in the kitchen or living room during visits.

And the thought of it all had Alex sink further into the water. Perhaps, John had plotted this.

Alex felt a ball form in the back of his throat. John had planned this, for months. From the get go of them meeting.

Everything had been a ploy to reel him in.

John had been looking for a victim and Alex fit his preference.

Suddenly, Alex shot up and he's bringing up the rest of whatever was left in his stomach.

* * *

John had called for him to come into the kitchen for the fifth time now, the bedroom door was open and Alex remained sat on his new bed. His hair still soaking wet, in a messy, straggly heap. He's in his pyjamas, the top and shorts damp, Alex didn't even bother drying himself properly. He threw up in the bath, unplugged it and got out.

He felt sick.

Too sick to wash, too sick to eat and too traumatised to be here.

His head was ringing, spinning in circles and so Alex flopped backwards on the bed. He closed his eyes for a second, he felt his stomach grumble loudly. He was hungry but he didn't want to eat. Not right now.

Alex had only been here a day and he felt like it had been years. This was now reality.

"Alex" John calls again.

He sighs and his brow creases. Alex wished John would leave him alone, he wanted to be by himself right now. Because he knew, he knows now just what this is. It was all false. Fake.

But John didn't go anywhere. Alex could hear footsteps grow and before he knew it, John was right outside the door, coming in.

"Hun? You okay? I've brought dinner here for you since you don't want to come into the kitchen" John said.

Alex still had his eyes shut. He could hear John walking around in the room, the sound of a drawer being pushed shut and his towel being put elsewhere from off the bed.

"Alex, sit up" John tells him.

He hears John drag that small table and the sound of a bowl being put down.

"Seriously... I know you're awake, sit yourself up."

It was hopeless. Alex opens his eyes, his head felt heavy and his limbs hurt. All the blood was rushing to his head and tinnitus was kicking in now too. His jaw was still tender from his punch before. Alex just wanted to sleep by this point.

So he sits up, John is there putting down a spoon for him and a glass of water. Alex groggily rubs his eyes, something smelled good but he didn't think he would be able to digest what ever it was John was holding.

John puts the bowl down and Alex takes a look.

"Soup?" Alex says, turning his nose up at it.

"Yes, it's minestrone. I made it myself" John says.

Alex didn't argue. He stares at the soup and sighs. It wasn't that he didn't want it, he just didn't feel like eating. John stands there waiting.

"Well?"

Alex shakes his head. "I'm not hungry"

Another sigh from John. "You're having a laugh. Ha. Sweetie, you haven't had a thing all day. Christ. Have a few mouthfuls at least, I just need to see you eat a little."

"No, my stomach aches" Alex complained, scowling. "John, leave it."

John puts his hands on his hips. He stares at Alex, mouth open.

"Oh come off it, you probably just warmed that shit up in the microwave. It isn't as if you slaved over a hot stove." Alex bitched.

So John threw down the kitchen towel he had hold of. "Are you really being like this, again?"

"Yes" Alex snappily said back. "I am and if you don't like it, fuck off."

John said nothing at that. Alex turns from John, giving him the cold shoulder and he leans back to the headboard. Alex did not want this man near him, he felt too overwhelmed.

"Just a few mouthfuls, that is all" John tried once more.

Nothing came from Alex. He remained silent.

John bit his tongue and clenched his jaw before he sweetly, says, "Baby doll, I know you're still mad at Daddy. But you need to eat."

"I don't want your fucking food" Alex finally said. His voice blank. "Stop asking me"

"Please?" John plead.

Alex turns back to John this time and sneers at him. "Hey, why don't you eat it instead? Right, and when you do, choke on it"

John stared Alex down.

"We're going down this route again, huh" John mutters.

Alex scoffs at that.

"You didn't expect your sick little fantasy to actually come true, right? A nice bubbly bath, some stupid pink pyjamas and dinner make it all okay, right? You act like an angel for a few minutes, sweet talk me and make it feel as if everything is okay. But then again, Laurens. You've been doing that for months, since we met, right?" Alex barked.

John frowns, he looked taken a back. As if he didn't understand. "What do you mean?"

But Alex ignored his question and went on ranting. "Like I am going to just sit here and obey your fucked up rules. No, I won't. And I will never give in to you." Alex ends.

John looked like his heart was breaking.

"Ever"

John's eyes narrowed at this. Alex looks away and crosses his arms.

"Right, well. What a mouthful. Okay, so, just to clarify, you don't want to get on the wrong side of me, I can assure you. Do not test Daddy's patience. I can either be good cop or the bad cop, right now I'm the good cop. I am being _nice_ to you and I am trying my best here to be reasonable, because, I understand that this is all very new for you." John stressed.

Alex groaned. He didn't want to hear this nonsense.

"Darling, I get it. It's unusual, it's new. I understand. But, just one thing I want you to know is that I do _not_ want to hurt you. Baby, I don't. Daddy never wanted to hit you earlier, but _you_ pushed me. I am just trying to give you a better, happier and much more loved life. You deserve it because I know how it's been for you and all. From your upbringing, everything. However, it isn't easy when everything is being shoved back in my face. So, watch yourself." John warned.

Alex didn't like where this was going.

"John, I don't want this life." Alex told him. "I want my own"

John shook his head. "You don't mean that"

"I do" Alex choked up.

"You can't possibly. I mean, your life is - Let's be realistic for a second -" John slowly walks around the room. His tall shadow behind him follows, eerily, against the pink pastel paper. Alex's heart races watching as he paced.

"Here in New York, for you, it's meaningless. You were in the system, you're in debt up to your eyeballs with college. You'll never pay it off. And if you do, you'll be working until your in a casket. That's a fact." John stated.

It was harsh, so much Alex was stunned John had actually just said that. As if that was the worst thing to happen to him today. Alex's eyes went wide at him. Fire stirred in them. He felt a dagger to the heart.

"People like you, baby. You can wait for it all your life, but, you'll never rise up." John added, softly. Cruel.

A lump formed in Alex's throat, he couldn't swallow it.

"It takes money and a lot of it to make it out here in the city. Connections and while I'm aware you love to rant off with that trap of yours -"

Alex's eyes narrowed at that.

"Well, lets jut say, you're not exactly careful" John throws in, meanly. "It's enough to get you in trouble, I mean. Look around, you've already done that. Am I right?"

Another sly jab to Alex's fading spirit.

"You wanted to work in law and politics, yeah? Well -" John laughs, dryly. "Seems like I'm doing you a favour by cancelling any future pre-murder attempts on your back."

That was it.

"You're a cheeky, arrogant son of -"

But John cut Alex off again.

"And an immigrant, creole bastard, orphan, to top it off. Not exactly the best look on records. I know you believe you were destined to be some sort of iconic, new age, martyr, sweetie. But this is America. And here, especially here, in New York, that's all you are, an immigrant. Remember that." John says, pointing at him.

"How dare you" Alex murmured.

John's smirk which he tried to mask angered Alex.

So Alex without even giving his actions a second though, he's quick and grabs the bowl of soup. He launches it straight at John.

John's eyes are like saucers and he's dodging it like a bullet. The bowl goes right into the wall and smashes into pieces, leaving hot red splattered mess on the wall which was dribbling down to the carpet.

"Alexander!" John gasps.

"Fuck you!" Alex shouted at the top of his lungs, then he throws a pillow at John. "You fucker! Who the hell do you think you even are? So what if you own a company, who gives a fuck. You would be nothing without money, you selfish, arrogant, mean-spirited, egotistical waste of space!" Alex bawled.

John looked almost impressed by Alex's choice of wording, which further aggravated Alex's short fuse.

"And you can wipe that fucking smile off your face! I demand you let go home now! Or I will trash this entire fucking apartment and breakdown the damn door if you don't!"

John shakes his head. He couldn't believe this. "Alexander"

Then Alex takes the pink frilly lamp on the bedside, ripping it out of its socket. But Alex's aim was poor, as he throws that too but it doesn't quite meet the wall and goes on the floor instead.

"Stoppit! Jesus!" John shouted back, he's stalling forward to get Alex. "You naughty, ungrateful, little -"

Now Alex is shooting up and he's running along the bed. He jumps off it and he's running to the doll house in the corner kicking it full swing. Pieces of plastic furniture go flying, the doll house lands on its side and John is having a fit almost.

"That's what I think of your shitty fairytale! You delusional fuck!" He shouts. "There is no happy ending for us!"

John goes right after him, like a bull chasing a red flag. Twice as angry though. Alex rips down the cutesy posters tossing them, he's smacking everything off the shelves. All the tea pots, all the pretty ornaments and toys go everywhere.

"Stop!" John cries, he's trying to grab Alex. "Leave them alone! Leave it alone!"

Alex kicks over the wooden tea set table, throws the porcelain tea cups to where ever, they land with a smash. He's kicking over the mount of plushies and swinging a board game at John.

"I swear to god!" John bellowed.

But Alex doesn't stick around to listen, he's grabbing at the dresses John had hung up for him and that was when John flipped. He stands there with his hands over his mouth and Alex tears one of them.

"How'd you like me now? Huh? How'd you like this, Daddy? You like this?" Alex sang. "Hey! What you gonna do?! You hate me now? Huh?!"

"Don't! Stop doing this!" John yelled. "Alexander, put that down this fucking instant!"

So, he finally lost it.

John Laurens had finally cracked.

"Fuck you" Alex mutters.

He shreds the last remainder of the dress and tosses it at John's feet.

"I piss on your freak show" Alex threw in.

John just stood there in a daze.

Too shocked, too lost to say a thing.

"Play time is over, Laurens. Now, let me, out" Alex said through his gritted teeth.

John could only blink at him and looks around, frozen, at all the mess.

Alex is panting heavily, his face flustered and he's ready to pounce.

John then turns his gaze back to him and it slowly, it narrows.

* * *

Alex's wrist were so sore from being bound. And from all the tossing and turning he had done all night, Alex could feel the blisters and scabs begin to form.

He had no fight left in him, physically. But his soul was raging.

It was the day after.

Nothing felt the same as it was.

Alex had been forced down on the bed and restrained by John with the belt from one of the petticoats Alex had thrown during his rage. John had tied it around his wrists and had done the same to his ankles. Binding them together so he couldn't move but Alex had tumbled off the bed.

Landing on his already sore arm and John had left the room for not even five minutes before coming back into the room, where he gagged Alex with a strip of tape over his mouth. That night John left Alex there on the floor, crying and alone.

Alex's feet still hurt from being tied up and it wasn't any better now. Alex was sat exhausted, there on the sofa in the living room, his wrists still tied together and his mouth was still covered.

Although John had given Alex a drink when he woke up though and again just before they sat down together. He wasn't going to leave Alex to dehydrate and wither away.

But the night had been murder for Alex. His back was hurting from being lay on the floor all night, he was starving, his head ached, his arm hurt and his jaw probably had a big bruise. Alex had yet see himself in the mirror. He knew he looked like utter shit though without even having to see himself though.

Which wasn't a good thing. Because Alex knew John would be taking care of that, very soon.

"Okay, since you're much calmer today, we can finally go over everything" John began.

Alex didn't even have the energy to lift his eyes and look up at him. He kept his eyes on his socked feet.

John stood infront of him, his arms crossed, looking down at him with all authority. Alex already knew his place.

Fixing his eyes on his ex, John continued, sounding almost like a real estate agent.

"This condo is really quite an amazing space: heated teak floors, central air, sunken tubs, granite counters, a small solarium out on the balcony. Oh, and perhaps I should mention that another perk of this place is that it is soundproof." John added with a pretentious smile.

"So you can kick, scream, bang and bawl holy murder all you want. No one is going to hear you. You may as well just not bother, save yourself the trouble."

Alex's head went lower.

"Not that the neighbors would complain about a racket—you see I own the units on either side of me as well, and currently both of them are vacant. From the nineteeth level upwards, sweetie. All those floors, belong to me."

Oh god, Alex thinks.

"You should see the roof top view, it's gorgeous. A few of the neighbours from downstairs get together during summer for a bit of a cookout. It's nothing too crazy, a few drinks and some food. It's good fun, you know. Maybe if you behave, Daddy might just let you up there. But for now, that isn't happening." John tells him.

With each syllable his captor uttered, Alex felt the weight in his belly grow heavier.

Alex curled his toes and clenched his fists. Anger was slowly igniting.

"You've been awfully naughty. Know that? So, Daddy isn't letting you out for quite some time. You don't deserve to. So, until you've learnt to appreciate your new lifestyle and Daddy. Have you ever heard the saying, if you're good you get everything and if you're bad, you get nothing?" John asks him.

Alex doesn't react.

"Well?"

Just because he had to, Alex nodded and he hated himself for giving John the time of day.

"Then learn from it" John lectured.

It just kept getting worse.

Every hope Alex had, it went right out the window.

"So trying to escape, rebelling, it's useless. We need to progress, together and we need to learn to find balance around one another. Once we have a good, strong connection, you will understand more. Yes, this is a new setting for you. And I know, sweetie, it's daunting. It's scary for you, you obviously have many opinions about me. But, you just need to accept this new life and Daddy. This is reality, baby. And you can't say it's all that bad. Hm?" John says.

Alex bared daggers at him.

"Another thing, you do not throw your clothes everywhere, you do not ruin your toys or mess up your room. Understand? Never do that again." John added. 

Alex didn't care. And yes, he was probably going to do it again. 

"I'm going to take the tape off of you now, so if you have any questions about anything. Ask." John said. "This might hurt a little..."

Because of course, John rips the thing off his mouth on purpose, hard. Mostly just to be extra. Alex gives him a cut look as it's taken off and he's wincing from the stinging buzz thats on his lips.

"Sorry" John didn't sound very apologetic.

Alex moved his lips around to gain back some feeling before he said anything. John moves back to sit on he edge of his coffee table opposite him. Waiting.

"How long do you plan on keeping me here in this hell hole?" Alex said, his voice was all croaky from not saying anything today. It actually had him cough a little.

John twists his mouth and shrugs at the same time. "I can't give you a specific answer at the moment. But for now, you're not leaving. Anyway, honey, I wouldn't worry about the duration. For now, I want to enjoy the time we have together."

Alex hangs his head and shakes it. Great.

"Are the police looking for me yet?"

John rolls his eyes. "No comment"

Alex made a 'tsk' at that answer. John wasn't giving him squat. 

"Fine. So, if I'm going to be forced here against my will. Will I get to wear my own clothes?" Alex asks, sullenly.

At this question, John shakes his head despite Alex not watching. "No"

"Why?" This time Alex looks up.

"Dolls wear doll clothes, it's simple." John said like it was nothing.

"God" Alex tsked.

"You've been provided with lots of stunning new clothes, baby. You'll wear those and you'll learn to like them once you used to wearing them. Trust me, you will love them in the end." John gives him a soft smile.

Alex scoffs. "I'm a boy"

"So?" John said. "You'll look adorable"

Alex gave up even bothering.

"Why me?" Alex asks.

That was the one thing he wanted to know. Why him out of all the other men in New York. What was it that made him stand out.

John's gaze drops.

"Why me?" Alex repeats again, firmer, when he got no answer.

John bites his lip before he answered. "I never intended for this to escalate. But this is part of who I am, I collect dolls. Alexander. And if I couldn't have you, then -"

He stops and goes back to chewing his lip in silence.

"You planned this when we stopped talking, didn't you?" Alex adds. 

John nods. "Fine. Yes, I did. Okay, I did. I had a refurbishment for your bathroom, I had your room decorated. I wanted it to be nice for you. And incase you are wondering, no. I haven't done this before to anyone else. You're the first and you're the only one I want."

This was demented. 

Alex's glare heats up. "Heh, so this is your sick idea of payback?"

John clears his throat. Only does now he meet Alex's eyes. "You'll learn to love it here" He said.

They were getting nowhere fast. Alex leans back on the sofa, fed up. They could keep going in circles but it was hopeless.

"People will miss me" Alex sadly said. It came out quieter than he thought. Alex wondered just how his friends were going to get on without him. They were so close, he missed them all so badly. His girls. His work, his apartment, his foster father.

His life.

All of it, interrupted.

He wondered just what will happen. Surely someone must be looking for him. The police must be involved. They had to be, he had a shift due today.

Well, it had been Friday when he met John. But the day before it had been chaos, so it must have been Saturday. Today was Sunday then. But then it could be Monday since Alex had no idea just how long he had blacked out after being spiked.

John crossed his arms and gave Alex a mighty peeved look.

"What? You mean those girls or that ex of yours?" John asks.

Alex's interest was captured by that tone. John sounded almost jealous, not fully but he could sense a tinge of envy.

"I have other friends too, colleagues, my foster parents, my -"

John waved him off and rolled his eyes. "I've heard enough. Okay, so, first things first. Your college course, well, that is eminently manageable. I tell you what, since you're here with me, I'll have a client of mine sort out everything. I will tell them you were hired up and you work away for me. Done. And your debt will be written off completely."

"What?" Alex's brow knit.

"Now with regards to your work, I'll simply give Starbucks a call and inform them you've decided to quit. Because one again, you'll be working for me. Of course, I won't name drop or have the call traceable. I know people, Alexander. And many of them will do almost anything for a lump sum."

Alex couldn't believe him.

"Your multitude of... friends… Well, I suppose I will have to take that risk." John said slowly. His gaze fixated on Alex's.

Alex knew what he was getting at here mostly. His ex girlfriend.

"They needn't worry anyway. You're quite safe here. This unit has an excellent security system. It's virtually impossible for anyone who doesn't have the code to get in… or out… without me knowing about it." John said. 

Alex's throat went dry.

Then John gives him a bright smile. His dimples out on display and suddenly everything was all wonderful again.

"You'll live a comfortable, happy, safe and nice life here -"

Alex turns his head over his shoulder to look at his wrists, he couldn't quite see them.

"You'll always be warm and always be fed. You don't have to worry about rent or bills. Daddy is going to love and take care of you. I mean, your role obviously is to also please me -"

Then Alex's head spun back around, almost giving him whiplash. "What do you mean?" Alex snapped.

"Let me finish" John holds up a hand.

Alex snarls. "Are you gonna fucking have your _way_ with me?"

John pulled a look of disgust once he caught on to what Alex meant. "Jesus, no. Honey, that's vile. Don't ask that ever again! My intentions are never to harm you -"

"But you even changed my underwear? How I do know nothing happened?" Alex pitched in.

"I only changed them! And I would never do what you're implying!" John shot back, defensively. "I may be some things, Alexander. But I am _not_ that. Now listen."

"You could have!"

John cuts back over him though. "I would never - No. Shut up, please, just listen and absorb what I am trying to tell you. Listen."

"John" Alex sighed.

"Baby, listen. Hush." John gets up, he shifts over to Alex and puts a finger to his mouth.

Alex scowls.

"Please me in other ways, such as, being there for Daddy. Be comforting, offer me your love and support. After a hard day at work, you give Daddy cuddles and keep Daddy company. That's what dolls do."

Alex's eyes widened. "For a thirty one year old man, you're a questionable case"

John's shoulders slump and he frowns. "Was there really any need for that?"

"You're a fucking loser" Alex shot. "What? Did your mother never love you enough as a kid. Huh? Or was it your own Dad. Is that it? Did Daddy Dearest say you're a freak too?"

Bringing up John's father stirred something. Alex saw it, it was in John's eyes. Whenever Alex ever brought up his father, John became uncomfortable. Worried, even.

"Enough" John warns.

"That's it, isn't it? Ol' Daddy big bucks never loved little weedy wet limp dick Johnny enough" Alex chided in a very bad southern accent.

John's mouth dropped.

"Cool it." 

"You're evil" Alex tells him, dead in the eye. "You said you love me, you don't do this to people you love"

John stared right through Alex. His hazel eyes once warm, now their colour darkened, leaving them stony and dead. John tilts his head a little at Alex. He says nothing though.

"You're going to learn" John says, his voice gentle and soft. It's eerie. Then he walks out of the living room and as he does, John says, "Things will be different, once you see everything my way.

Alex watches him leave the room. He's left sat there, his arms aching from being tied back for so long and he's absolutely clueless. He doesn't understand John at all. Alex would never see things his way, he wasn't going to and he didn't want to.

As Alex spent the next couple of minutes in a trance. It was broken shortly as John reentered the room. John has something in his hands, Alex squinted to get a better look and it was only until John came near was when Alex's gut wrenched.

"John" Alex said, panic in his voice. "What's that?"

John had a hammer. 

He stands back infront of Alex and grins wickedly at him. Alex's whole body began to quake. He didn't like this at all.

"John, what're you going to do with that?" Alex asks, warily. He's watching that hammer in John's hand like a hawk.

Then John raised it. As he did, he slips something else out of his pocket. Alex's eyes went like beach balls, he recognised the spiderman cover right away, it was his phone.

"No" Alex gasps. He began to twist and turn in his restrains. "John, no, no"

Alex got up off the sofa, his legs were free at least and he's storming over to John. But John shoves Alex back down on the sofa harshly. Alex lands on his side with a horrid thump.

John tosses his phone carelessly on the coffee table. It clatters against it causing Alex to scowl.

John had literally no conscience or care for anything at all.

He stood there, twiddling the hammer around with this fingers, smiling at Alex so much it was now becoming terrifying. 

"No! John, leave my phone alone! Don't, John, I'm begging you, no!" Alex cries. 

But John had no mercy. 

"And just to be clear, dolls, don't use phones" John stated. 

Then through Alex's desperate pleas and shouting, the hammer came crashing down.


	7. Stop calling me your bunny I won't hop and you don't own me. I bet you think you do, well, you don't.

During the beginning still of this nightmare, Alex having witnessed watching his phone be smashed into smithereens there on John's coffee table just a couple of days prior.

Alex had tried his best to break away from John. He had attempted to steal John's phone from his pocket during a wrestling match on the sofa when John had tried to change him into one of those ridiculous dresses that early evening.

But Alex put up such a fight. He had punched, kicked, bitten and screamed at John. Although the sabotage done was never enough to fully hold John back. Not when his captor was standing over six foot tall, worked out on the daily and Alex wasn't even reaching five eight. It wasn't easy.

And any damage John did back to him, it hurt way more than anything Alex did to him. However this time during a fight on the sofa, Alex refusing point blank to allow that dress to be slipped over his head. John tried to nail him down with his weight but Alex managed to slither from his grasp.

He bit John on his arm, teeth digging into firm muscle and John cried in pain. Alex used this change to claw him across the face and slide out from under him. Alex landed on the floor with a thump while John was looking at his swelling arm. Then Alex got up quickly and he's yanking the phone out of John's back pocket.

Alex rushed down the hallway and started to dial up '911'.

He waited a second or two before someone picked up. Alex felt his body merge into jelly, his heart was facing and Alex wasn't even sure he would be able to speak properly with his stomach in knots like this. He's pacing back and forth.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" Alex hurried out.

He's shaking. The adrenaline rush was a killer and Alex wasn't sure how he didn't have a heart attack then and there when he hear John's footsteps. Alex's eyes widened when he saw John emerge out of the living room. He's heading into the kitchen, glaring at Alex and marching towards him.

"Fuck" Alex murmured.

But just then. "911, what is your emergency?"

"Hello, hello? Police!" Alex shouts frantically. "I need the police! Now!"

John's face turned into fear and he's charging at him. Alex gasps and he's running into the bathroom. But just as Alex tried to lock the door once he has slammed it shut. John's whole body weight busted the door through. Alex went flying back and John's phone went in the air where it then landed on the tiled floor with a giant whack.

"Police, what is your emergency?" Alex could hear from the phone.

John looked at Alex and then he's darting his gaze to the phone on the floor. Alex looks back to John before racing down to grab the phone. But John is faster.

"Ah!" Alex cried.

It didn't take much for John to knock Alex down to the floor. "Help! Help me! My name is Alexander Hamilton and I've been -"

Although what came next for Alex was unpleasant. John's face was murderous and he boots Alex into the stomach hard. Alex cries and he arches into a small ball there on the floor.

John swoops down, he grabs his phone and he immediately cancels the call and pockets it. While Alex is squirming around in agony, the blow to his stomach was pounding and Alex's body was on fire.

John glares darkly at Alex. "Alexander" John growls. "Honestly" And then sighs.

Alex does his best to scowl at him but he's too far gone in pain to do so. John has his hands on his hips, watching Alex worm around there below. "You know better" John says. "You know better than to disobey me and go doing things like that. Do you really think the police will be swayed by your stupid allegations? Baby doll, it won't work."

"Go to hell" Alex hissed and he's clutching his stomach. He knows that by tomorrow he'll be more bruised than a banana.

"What ever you try, it will not work. Daddy will make sure it won't." John told him, voice stern. "How could you do this? Doll, how could you be so selfish? I take you in, I feed you, I dress you, I have housed you. I have paid your bills. I am doing everything for you and it's not good enough, well, evidently. Since you're so keen to get away."

Alex arched a brow at him. The way John's mind work was truly fascinating.

"Do you really want to go back to living in a one room joint over in Brooklyn? Rent so high you're struggling to meet it every month. Seriously?" John scoffs, pulling a face of disbelief. "Living in a neighbourhood filled with thugs? Having to watch your back almost every day? Working at that damn coffee shop serving overpriced drain water for a paycheck that can barely feed you?"

Rude. Alex wants to shred his face off. "Actually, that 'thug filled' neighbourhood, Fort Greene, is home to some of the best people you could ever possibly meet actually, asshole. And sure, I don't and will never make as much money as you have inherited off Daddy Big Bucks from Yeehaw-ville. And perhaps maybe you ought to stop and think that I may actually enjoy my shitty Starbucks job? Sure, the coffee is shit. The pay is shit. But you know what, _Laurens_. I'm content." Alex gritted out his teeth.

Now John looked stunned. Whether it was Alex being able to still talk after being kicked in the gut or that Alex may actually be right. And that John knew deep down that is what Alex preferred over him.

John turns from him coldly. "You couldn't possibly be happy there. I don't believe you."

"But I am, I was" Alex said sadly.

Then there was silence between them. Alex hung his head and sighed deeply. "John, if you let me go, I won't press charges. We don't have to contact each other anymore, we could move on. Just live our separate lives and be happy that way. You don't have to do this. Please, John, I am begging you. Let me go home."

"But this is home?" Alex stiffly looked up at him.

"John, no" Alex says croakily. "Please, please"

"No" John hissed, wafting a hand at him. "Stop asking"

Alex shakes his head. "No, I will never stop asking. John don't do this, it isn't right. This is far from normal. You can't do this, sooner or later people will look for me. No matter how hard you try and cover up this mess. Someone will be looking for me!"

John releases a weary exhale and he's going over to Alex. Alex tried smacking his hand away but John only used his other hand to drag Alex up on his feet.

"Get up" John ordered.

"Why? Where are we going? John, I'm not wearing that stupid dress! Don't try that shit with me again!" Alex fired.

"You'll do as I say"

"And if I don't?" Alex rebuffed.

With slitted eyes, John tilts his head, he had this smug look. One Alex wanted to punch off. "Then I suppose you don't want any dinner then"

"What?"

John shrugs. "Mmm. Well, sweetie. If you aren't complying with me then why should I give anything back to you? Remember, I am your life line. If you refuse to do what I ask of you, then you don't eat. Simple."

So this was how things were going to work. Alex wasn't shocked in the slightest but this was just plain irritating. He never thought there would be a day in his life where he would be blackmailed in order to eat. And Alex had grown up in and out of homes all his life, even those had never denied him of a meal. No matter how awful they had been.

Alex scoffs. "Wow" And he narrows his own eyes. "You sure are a real piece of work"

Another shrug came from John. "Yeah, well. I try."

"Asshole" Alex gruffed. "What is it with you and dresses? The toys, the frills and lace? You some sort of pervert?"

At this John's eyes went wild. Alex sees his lips twitch and his hands clench. "Excuse me"

"Are you a pervert?" Alex repeated. He did this mostly to send John over the edge.

"No" John growls. "I am not. Do not even dare associate me with low life scum like that. Infact, for that remark, you'll go hungry. You will learn and know better than to ever ask me such gross questions!"

"Jesus" Alex rolls his eyes. "

John spat. "And you won't be watching any TV either, nothing. You can go to your room and stay there"

Alex snickers. "What else would I be doing of course?"

"Less of the attitude" John snaps.

John was really wound up. But just to push it because Alex didn't care, he laughs. When he did in a swoop John took Alex by the cheeks, squeezing them together harshly between his fingers. Alex moved around in his grasp, moaning in pain as he did and he's trying to pry John's hand off him.

"I said, less of the attitude." Flames were in John's eyes. Alex's stomach twisted when he saw them ignite.

"John! Get the fucking hell off of me!"

But John isn't moved one bit by Alex's despair. "Such a bad baby"

He pulls Alex aggressively by the arm, Alex winces and John gives Alex such a smack on the ass as they begin walking out the bathroom. John drags Alex furiously into his bedroom, Alex of course is trying to hold on the door frame for dear life, shouting and screaming. "Let go of the door" John snaps. "Let go!"

But his fingers can't hold on much longer and he's snatched away from it.

And for all the trouble, Alex received yet another smack on his backside. "Ah!" Alex whimpered.

John stared at Alex coldly. "Don't make me more mad than I already am"

Alex tries to headbutt John but he's too quick and dodges Alex's attempt. John envelopes Alex from the back, he's got hold of Alex's arms and the retaliation on Alex's part was all but useless. John was too strong.

He tried, Alex really did but his energy was draining by the moment. From all the screaming, the moving around. Alex's head was beginning to pound and he felt his anxiety peak more and more during his attempt of escaping.

"Enough" John tells him firmly from behind.

But Alex's willpower was yet to be eased. Alex twisted, twirled around so that he was now infront of John and tried pulling himself out of John's grasp. John kept hold of Alex by the wrists so Alex couldn't hit him anymore. John's expression was slowly turning into a picture of anger. His patience crumbling ever so.

"Alexander" John hisses down at him. "Stop trying to fight me"

Alex used his knee to boot John right in his shin which caused John to wince at the sharp blow. Alex soon regretted this when John let out a dangerous groan and twisted Alex's wrists. Alex whined aloud at the hideous assault. John used Alex's short decline of fight to overpower him.

John hoists Alex up for a split second before effortlessly tossing him down on the bed. This all plays out in slow motion for Alex who is there on his back in ultimate shock. He's too alarmed to move and his body is processing just what is happening when John whipping out a black leather restraint with metal chains from under the bed.

Alex's eyes go like planets when those came into view, he's immediately jolting upwards once strength has finally come back to him. A second wind rushes throughout his body and Alex is about to flip his legs over the side of the bed.

John however catches on, his face crunches up and before Alex can stand up John shoves him right back down by the chest harshly. Alex grunted as he lands and he's not given much of a chance because John is already hooking and clamping the restraints around his ankles.

"John!" Alex shouts at the top of his lungs.

Enough was enough. John furiously lunges over Alex, almost falling on top of him and then with one hand, he grasps Alex's chin between his fingers and squeezed it. Alex squirmed, whimpering at the force which was slowly being added to his clasp. John's eyes were fiery and rabid.

"Behave" He said, quietly and a little too calmly for Alex's liking.

Alex's next move wasn't clever. Any fragments of his terror wore off when he gathered up his rage to spit right there in John's face. John quickly moved away from him, now standing up and he's releasing some grossed out noise. And is using one of the pillows off the bed wipe off the spit before tossing it elsewhere.

"Fuck you" Alex growled.

John looked murderous.

So when a hand came plummeting down and right across Alex's cheek, it really wasn't such a surprise. Alex gasped at the blow and cupped his oozing cheek with a small cry. But John did nothing to comfort him at all, he stood tall, broad, towering over Alex with this stoic look in his eyes.

Alex curled up away from him. He continues to glare at John hatefully, burning holes through those eyes of his. Alex wasn't backing down that easily over a silly smack. He wanted John to keep that in mind, no matter what he did to him, he would rebel.

"You know better than to do that" John lectured, pointing out a finger. "Rule number one, we've been through this before, you do not attack Daddy. You do not act up and proceed to be difficult for Daddy. And you most certainly, do not _spit_ at Daddy. Is that understood, doll?"

Alex let out a frustrated ragged sigh and he's shaking his head. "I can't believe this is real. What in the hell have I done? What the fuck did I ever do to deserve this crazy shit!"

John paid his ranting no mind however. "Is that understood?" He repeated, this time in a harsher tone.

"No! It isn't! And it never will be!" Alex shouted back.

John never said anything else. He just stared at Alex in disappointment. He goes to then tighten the restraints on Alex's ankles, he pulls at one of them too tight causing Alex to hiss and he knows John has just done that to spite him.

"That hurts you prick! Get off the damn thing. Are you deliberately trying to cut off my circulation?" Alex sneers.

A ghost of a smirk played on John's lips. He bit his lip and looked away.

"God I hate this, I hate you and this apartment!" Alex snapped. "You're going to kill me, I just know it! That's what this is, right? You kidnap guys off the internet, play out your weird malibu Barbie fantasy you never got to experience as a kid."

That was when John's smirk vanished and he's looking at Alex as if he were on the verge of another slap. Alex didn't care, the worst had already been done to him. He had no freedom anymore, his life had been stolen from him and he was trapped, held against his will and forced into this madness.

"Because god forbid if your redneck, white cloak wearing, cross burning, piece of shit father found out his son wanted to play with dolls!" Alex cried.

Then there was a tapping sound which caught Alex's attention.

Alex looked over at John's hand there against the bed's frame. John was tapping his fingers there in a sequence, one, three, four, two, one. He was looking at Alex with sharp eyes, a chilling expression fixated on his face.

"Are you finished?" John asks.

"Let me out" Alex said over him.

John put a hand on his hip and the tapping stopped. "Do you want me to get the gag? Push me, one more time and I will."

Again Alex turns from him. Bitterly baring daggers into the wall beside him because he knew if he had to look at John's stupid face one more time he was going to attack him full on.

"Right, I think that's enough of your antics for one evening. Now, princess, Daddy has to be up very early in the morning, so I need quiet." John drearily chimes.

"And I need you to piss off" Alex mutters.

John looked as if he were already at his wits end. "Okay, fine." John says, sighing.

As John was about to leave the room. Alex listens to his moving foot steps and that was when he perks up. He rolls on to his back where he sits up on his elbows and he frowns at John. "Wait, are you seriously leaving me tied to this bed all night again?"

John stops in his tracks and turns to Alex. A corner of his mouth goes up and he shrugs at him.

Alex narrows his eyes and scoffed. "You're such a cunt"

At that remark John snorts and laughs at the same time. "You're not out of insults yet then"

"How long is this playing god act going to actually last, John? You can't keep this up until we're old and grey." Alex droned.

John once again shrugged. And if Alex were honest, he was sure John had no idea where this plan was going himself. The duration of his time here was a mystery and only now Alex was starting to realise just how pointless it was to keep asking John this question.

"All that you need to know, princess, is that Daddy cares for you and wants to take care of you. That is the only thing that matters. Nothing else, only that." John assured him. "Now hush and get some sleep"

Alex shakes his head and he sits upright. "No, I want out of these chains and shit."

"Lie down" John scolds.

"No, I won't. Get them off me" Alex retorted.

So John goes over to him, slowly, his mouth twisting in annoyance. "You're testing me big time, doll. Lie down. It's bed time, shush."

Alex narrows his eyes at him. "I need to take a piss, I haven't been to the bathroom for hours and I will probably need to piss during the night."

Then suddenly John's expression changes. Like dark clouds on a moody day, there's suddenly sun. John's brow raised and his smirk is back. "Why do I need to let you out? You can do it right here"

Alex pulled a face at him. "Don't be disgusting. You want me to piss all over your fancy bed sheets? This really is some next level tier shit with this kinky fantasy of yours. Christ!"

As usual John brushed off his insults. "You've already got a diaper on princess" John tells him casually.

Hearing this Alex's heart stopped. "I've what?" And before John could tell him to look, Alex is already looking down his pink satin pyjama bottoms and sees an actual diaper on him. It looked more like one of those diapers for people with bowel and urinating problems. Still, Alex wasn't pleased. Not in the slightest.

His mouth curls up in disgust. "What in the -"

"What do you expect? I have to change my baby doll" John informs him.

Alex's stomach churns and he's feeling uneasy. He feels sick.

"Oh my god" Alex rasped. "When did you even do this?"

Because god knows what else John had done to him while he was flat out asleep.

John didn't even looked moved at all. This was all normal in his eyes. Alex looked up slowly at John in sheer repulsion.

Alex wanted to speak but he couldn't. He was truly horrified by this. He felt so attacked at the same time. He felt dirty.

"And as for your pleas, it's like I said earlier, I can't let you out just yet because you're being difficult again. So, until you can follow orders and not cause mischief you have to stay tied up during bed time."

With wide eyes, Alex's mouth dropped. "You planned this?"

"Oh, come on. It's obvious this would've happened" John says nonchalantly. "And since you find being naughty amusing, well, I have my own ways of finding personal amusement."

Alex kicked out a leg but it didn't even reach anywhere near John. "You sick fuck"

"Now, now" John chides. He's pushing down on Alex's thrashing legs, Alex is trying to break out of them again and this time John swats the side of Alex's thigh causing him to stop. "Stoppit!"

Alex didn't like John being this close up to him. He hadn't seen John this close for ages, seeing his handsome face, all those pretty freckles and those hypnotising eyes. Alex hated him to the core.

"Get off me! Fuck off! Fuck you, I'm going to kill you!" Alex roared. "I will! I swear to god I will! One of these nights I will break out of this room and I will get you!"

John lazily rolls his eyes. He isn't buying a single word of Alex's threats. Not one. "Alright, alright. Hush, hush. Sh!"

"No I won't! Bastard -" Alex shut up once John placed a hand on his lower abdomen. Alex's eyes followed down to it and watched. "What're you doing?"

He didn't see John's mean grin. "You wanted the bathroom, right?"

Alex's eyes flicker up to John's and his brow knits. "Don't you dare"

He knows exactly what is coming next. This time, John's eyes are the ones to narrow. And what Alex expected, happened. John pushes his hand on Alex's stomach.

"Piss in your diaper, you little brat. Piss."

"John!" Alex squealed.

Then Alex fell into a trance when John's other hand quickly grabs the back of his hair. Alex winced loudly, John's grin is sharp and Alex could feel the follicles of his scalp scream. John pulls Alex's head right back and Alex whimpers from it. It hurt like hell.

And John lowers his face right down, inches from Alex. So close that Alex could feel his hot breath. "You really think I'm _that_ stupid? Letting you out to freely just wander around? You have to earn that privilege and so far today, from what I have seen, you don't deserve it. Not yet."

"Let go" Alex shouts, thrashing. "Fuck! Let go!"

"Nope" John sang. "Use your diaper"

"Go to hell!"

And so with the other hand, John adds more pressure to Alex's stomach and his grasp of Alex's hair tightened more which had him get a cry out from Alex.

"Piss" John ordered.

"Fuck you" Alex choked.

John snorts at that. "Have it your way"

With that, John practically pounds down on Alex, it knocked the absolute life out of him and Alex couldn't hold it anymore. That basically erupted his entire bladder and before he knew it Alex was relieving himself.

The look on his face must've been the give away. He wasn't as tense and John could tell. He grinned as he lets go of Alex's hair and stands up properly.

"Such a good baby doll" John cooed.

Alex lay there in a daze, his cheeks burning up and his eyes were slowly going glassy. He wanted to cry, he hated this. This was beyond humiliating. Then his view was blocked, the ceiling light above blacked out by John who was looking down at him with a cruel smile, satisfaction plastered in his eyes and he reaches a hand out to pinch at Alex's cheek, teasingly.

"You know I don't like hurting you. Baby doll, you know Daddy hates hitting you back. But I have to keep you here like this and you will thank me in the end. You don't realise it yet but eventually you'll get used to this life" John reassured him. "After all, you have _no_ choice but to."

Hearing those words sent chills throughout Alex's body and he closes his eyes, turns to hide his face away. He doesn't even hear the door's lock turn. Alex hated crying, he never cried. Not very often to say the least. But this got to him just now, the fabrication of his authentic being being slowly torn from him like this.

Alex didn't want to forget who he was. He didn't want to be broken in like an unruly horse. He was human, John knew that.

And as the days passed by here, Alex did not know how sane he would be within the next few more. Because gradually he was aware he could give in if his spirits dropped this low again.

If that happened then eventually Alex knew he really would end up being John's life sized dolly for good.

* * *

When Alex awoke he had lay there on his side glaring at the wall.

His headache had gone now, thank god. But his nose was still runny and Alex could feel the back of his throat still resemble the likes of sandpaper when he swallowed.

And it felt like decades had passed since Alex arrived here. He remembered those first few days. Him battling it out with John and losing each and every time.

Ang after a while though he figured that it would do no good to stay mad. And if Alex were brutally honest with himself, John was right. Alex needed him if he was going to escape this hell hole. The only problem was, how does the rabbit out smart the fox though? Alex had to keep trying his luck.

He had to keep pushing and firstly persuade John that he had changed his tune. And play this deranged game that he wanted him to.

But before anything, Alex needed to mooch up to him and apologise. He had to keep it casual, not over the top, keep it smooth. He had to simply tell John he was grateful for all the flu medicine drinks and nasal sprays. Act like he meant it. Keep it natural.

Because if this went like the first time where Alex had tried seducing John and all but attacking him when John hadn't bought his little act. Then this could very well be the last time John ever trusts him. And that meant Alex stayed here longer.

"Over my dead body" Alex murmured to himself.

Alex may have lost many battles with this monster but he was going to win the war at the end of this.

He sits up quickly, Alex is giving a stretch or two before getting out of the bed and Alex is kicking on his slippers. He keeps the frilly night dress on however, adjusts it slightly as he knows that John always hates his clothes creased and then heads towards the door. And to his surprise, it's open.

John must be home then.

Alex wasn't sure of the time but it could either be morning or afternoon. Alex had slept off the rest of his cold and he did still feel ill though. His limbs still felt achy, his nose was still red and snotty. But his throbbing head ache and fever had gone at least.

Turning the handle, it creaked ever so and Alex brings himself to slip out of his room. He walks down the hall way quietly, as he's entering into the kitchen, John isn't there, so that could only mean he's sat in the living room.

Then Alex hears it, the TV on very low and the soft sound of tapping. He was working from home. And Alex could suspect it was because he had been doing ridiculous overtime the night before and since he was sick, John was staying home to keep an eye on him. It wasn't weekend yet. The days didn't add up right when Alex calculated it in his mind.

Alex grated his teeth. He was losing track of the days, this wasn't good. 

Mentally cursing himself, Alex stood there in the kitchen, he leans against the table. He isn't sure if he should go in there. He didn't know what to say or do or anything. And now John was on the phone, he could hear him chatting to some client.

It felt weird to hear John act professional. Even when they were dating, it always felt like he were a different person when the 'work mode' button was pushed.

Then watching John revert back to his regular self was fascinating. But now Alex knew it was all a front behind a mask. All fake.

He waited until John finished his work call before trailing into the living room. As Alex did, his looming shadow must've caught sight there in John's peripheral vision.

John's head spun to Alex who lingered there awkwardly in the wide door way. He looked surprised, Alex never came to him whenever he left the door open. He would stay rooted in his room until John had to either force him out for food or a bath.

The pair of them stared at one another in dead silence. But it was John who turned away first and removed his laptop off his lap on to the coffee table before sitting back. He's resting an arm behind his head and just glaring away into space since clearly Alex wanted something. And it was clear John didn't want to talk to him. Still, Alex was going to try anyway.

"Hey" Alex calls.

John grabs the remote and flicks over to another channel then pumps up the volume. "Hi"

His tone was hard as nails. Alex said nothing as he came forth, he didn't need telling. Alex dropped down to the floor facing John. He knew his place of course when it came to sitting in the living room. But he hoped following these stupid rules John had set for him would please him at least a little bit.

John's expression was still an art of dissatisfaction. He sat there, with a face like thunder, baring daggering down at Alex for not even two seconds before looking back to the TV. Alex sighs, he figures this was going to drag out and that he ought to be prepared for some punishment that John had probably conjured up.

So Alex goes ahead and just says it. "I'm sorry"

There was quiet at first and the noise from the TV. Some alien movie was playing and John's eyes did not budge.

Alex had to try harder. He bit down on his inner lip. This apology had to sound and be genuine. Enough to convince John that he truly meant it.

"Look, I know you were tired last night when you got home from work. You went out your way to get me things for my cold. I appreciate it." Alex said.

John just gives a subtle nod.

"Yeah" Alex trails off. Now it truly felt awkward. He rubs at his nose and sniffled as he looked over to the TV. He didn't know what else to honestly say right now.

The TV continued to play, filling the silence which Alex was grateful for. It eased the tension in his stomach.

"You're welcome" John muffled into his hand, after a moment or so.

Alex continued to just sit there looking lost. John proceeded to ignore him and it was beginning to really irk Alex.

"Are you mad at me?" Alex asked. He had to know.

John says nothing still.

"Are you?" Alex asked once more. And god, he hated himself for this. Alex wanted to cringe at his words. "Daddy?"

This time John responded. His eyes still away from him though. "No"

"You sure about that? You seem it" Alex said.

Alex wonders if he had truly hurt John's feelings. Something felt different today.

The TV was on and yet, somehow, John hadn't even turned it over to a kids channel yet. Strange.

"I got over it. It's fine." He still sounded snappy. He was bothered, deep down he was. Great, so Alex now knew where he stood.

Alex gave a nod in response. He dropped his eyes to the floor and wondered where to take this now. He honestly wasn't sure where this was leading to.

Then Alex had an idea. "Can I sit up there with you?" He asks, voice soft as wool.

John lets out a little sigh and he nods. "Fine"

So Alex scrambles up on to the sofa and makes sure there's a small amount of space between them. Not too much but he didn't want to be too close to John. He didn't want to box John in and make him feel discomfort himself. Since Alex was sat here beside him, prodding and poking him with questions.

With that John leans over to grab him laptop and he's placing it back on his legs. He writes away doing whatever it is he's doing and Alex sits there quietly watching the TV.

But as Alex tries to get into the show that's on, he can't help but sneak peaks at John. John was doing his best to avoid all eye contact with him and his serious face was present.

Alex wanted his attention. It was time for the next move.

So, Alex takes a big risk. He didn't know if this would work but he was going to do it anyway. John could either push him away or lock him back in his room at worst.

He leans his head against John's shoulder as he watches whatever it is on TV. John stopped typing for a second, Alex didn't look but he knows John is probably looking down on him, wondering where this sudden spurt of affection had come from.

"Do you ever stop working?" Alex asks.

John huffs out a small laugh and shakes his head. "Never"

"Take a break" Alex tells him.

"And do what?"

"Watch TV with me" Alex suggests, he looks up at John this time with big eyes. John is looking back to him now, Alex didn't sure he can fully read John's expression though.

Their gaze stood for a minute until John turns away again.

"What are you up to doll" John sighs.

A ball of worry formed inside of Alex. John was on to him.

"Nothing" Alex says and sits upright.

John twists his mouth and lets out a soft 'hmm' under his breath. Not sounding an ounce convinced.

But Alex tried to persuade him anyway. "I just wanted to apologise, I felt awful. And why do you always assume that my motives are bad?"

"Because they usually are" John deadpans.

Now it was Alex's turn to snicker and actually break into a small smile.

"Was there any need for that?" Alex rebuffed.

At this John grinned. "That's my line"

"Guess that's what happens when I'm around you day in and day out" Alex replied.

John hums softly, he turns back to Alex for a second. He boldly moves to put a hand over Alex's forehead. Alex felt himself stiffen at the touch and he was certain John could feel him do so. Neither said anything though.

Still, that touch. It gave him thrills. Alex's stomach went into knots once more and his heart rate went soaring.

"How are you feeling?" John asked.

He did sound concerned. It was genuine, Alex just knew.

"I'm okay, not as bad as before. I still feel horrible though" Alex admitted. Because he did.

John bites his lower lip and makes another hum but this time it's more of a irritated grunt. "Yeah, I can tell. Your voice is still all over the place. Hmmm. Right, okay, perhaps we should get you in the bath. You can have another flu drink and a bite to eat. That should sort you."

"Okay" Alex didn't even put up a fight. Truthfully, he did feel awful. His head was still foggy. So the offering of anything that would be able to get rid of this cold quicker would be a god send. Alex was too tired and poorly to care. "Thank you"

Alex and John shared a glance. The kind that felt just right, the same one which Alex was familiar with. The hazel eyes that made him feel safe, they engulfed him and kept him under a spell.

John's hand on Alex's forehead moved and it slowly drove down to his cheek. John held Alex in place for a minute, his thumb swirled around Alex's smooth hot cheek and it didn't budge.

And that was it for Alex. It was almost as if they were back in time, before any of this. Alex's heart swelled and he could not help himself when he moved forwards. He's on his knees and level with John as he does.

When Alex came towards John, he didn't even stop Alex. John simply allowed Alex to slide right up and kiss him.

The kiss was simple, soft and fragile it felt on Alex's end. It didn't last long because when Alex tried to continue it, John hand removed its self from Alex's cheek and he's using it to budge Alex away from him by the shoulder.

"We can't" John told Alex.

They're gazing heatedly into each others eyes still. Alex pulls a face. "Why not?" And so Alex goes back to kiss John, John doesn't push him away again. Alex kisses him with full force, lips moving in motion and Alex was about to slip in a tongue as he loses himself into it all. However John was pushing him away, it was a poor attempt since he evidently wanted to keep this up.

"You've got a cold -" John protests, smirking into the kiss.

"I don't see you even trying to push me away this time" Alex tells him with a small laugh.

With another kiss. John stops their kissing altogether and he moves Alex away from him properly now. His lips were all swollen and glistening with spit.

John looked apprehensive for a split second. He looks down and chews the corner of his lip. "We shouldn't be doing this"

"Why?" Alex asked.

Alex knew why. Being intimate and seeping back into how things used to be between them didn't support what John had originally wanted for their dynamic when he decided to keep Alex captive here. They weren't lovers anymore.

"We just shouldn't" John tells him, his voice lowering and he doesn't sound sure.

However each time Alex always tried to distract John by slyly getting his trust this way rather than keep up the doll appearance John solely wanted. John would always respond back, he would kiss Alex back. He would show affection with lustful eyes and it was clear to Alex that a spark will probably always be there.

But it was just figuring out how to go ahead with this without causing any mistakes by making it too obvious. Last time Alex had tried seducing John it went well at first before John changed his mind not long after. Those were during the early days of his imprisonment though. So it had Alex wondering if he could get away with it now after all this time.

This may just work.

Now it was Alex's turn to be bold by taking the sides of John's face, softly and he's looking deep into those eyes of his. Inside Alex was filled with uncertainty however. His throat was hurting from his cold and his heart could bust with the fear he felt in doing all of this. He was terrified.

Alex leans in to kiss John sweetly. He pulls away, gazing back into those eyes and he murmurs, "Play with me" against John's lips.

John remained quiet and that alarmed Alex. He didn't know what John's next move would be now. It was all up to him. He is looking at Alex like he may be considering whatever it is Alex had in store.

And Alex could not take the silence. He couldn't cope with any more awkwardness, so to break the ice, he slips a hand gently to John's inner thigh. His head span and gut twisted when he did this because by making a move so bold could easily land Alex back to square one.

"Please" Alex whispers.

Their eyes still in lock and the room had suddenly gone an extra few degrees warmer. Alex knew he was flustered, which was probably why he felt so hot. And sadly he knew he was slowly becoming more aroused. Scared and horny, what a combination.

And so, John leans back, he drops his eyes to Alex's hand. Then they sharply switch back to Alex.

Alex could feel his stomach brew with more nerves by the minute. It wasn't easy to be as confident anymore, not when it came to being intimate. Alex's repulsion had grown towards his ex-boyfriend by the day, so any chances of real intention of even having a slight crush on John were thin.

But by god, how he craved him still.

"How?" John questions, darkly.

Well, that was another thing. How?

Alex swallowed the brewing lump in the back of his achy throat. He felt himself stiffen, he didn't know how. And he could not think of anything more worse than having sex with this monster. Those days were long gone. It was just annoying how well his body was responding to all of this. Alex wanted to do this but didn't at the same time.

"Whatever you like" Alex replies smoothly, slightly breathlessly.

John continues stares at him. Whether he bought it or not wasn't tellable. Alex was finding it harder and harder to read him by the seconds.

Almost as if John was purposely shutting himself off in fear of his own emotions becoming too strong.

Now John goes to sit back and he sprawls his arms out on the top of the sofa. He's staring holes through Alex, his expression blank. Alex felt his anxiety bubble.

"So?" Alex asks, he's trying his best to keep it together. He hopes he hasn't messed up.

John bit down on his bottom lip and he then smirks.

"Sit on my lap doll"

It was an odd request but Alex didn't object. He wonders where this was going to go, but he doesn't argue, Alex shuffles closer and he awkwardly pulls himself on John's lap. He's lighter than ever, he knows he isn't heavy. It felt weird being on top of John, not uncomfortable, mostly just unfamiliar now.

Alex then feels a hand immediately land on his side. He looks back up at John.

"Amuse me" John says.

Alex pulls a confused face. "How?"

John bit his lip and he looks back to the TV. "Well, I am sure you could think of a few ways"

Then it hit Alex what John meant. His whole body froze. Alex felt himself shake and he is assuming John wanted a blow job. That was probably it. So, Alex didn't ask. He is already getting to work, his hands tremble as they go to John's flyer and he's just about to go and unzip it until he is stopped.

John let out the smallest of gasps and he's brushing Alex's hand away.

"No" John told him. Alex arched a brow at him. John shook his head, he looked irritated. "Not like that. No."

"Oh" Alex says.

Which was weird because Alex could have sworn that is what John wanted. Alex drops his gaze, it made him curious as to why really. Even back when they were dating John never wanted Alex to touch him down below and he never wanted oral sex. Which was weird since every guy Alex had dated before John and even girls, he had gone down on them plenty of times and they had done vice versa.

So this raised the question and Alex was sure John did not like sex. Then again, perhaps, there was another unknown reason why too. But Alex wasn't going to ask. Things were strange enough right now as they were.

John scratches the back of his nape, his annoyance now faded and he's gone back to biting his lip again. "How about you start by pleasing yourself, baby doll. And you can let Daddy watch?"

So that was what John wanted. "You're into voyeurism?"

"Something like that" John tells him.

But even his tone betrayed him. Alex suspected John wanted more than just to watch, but what ever it was, which was preventing him as to even getting a standard blow job must be serious in his books.

"You want me to jerk off?" Alex asks. He really didn't want to do that and have John watch.

Infact, it was rare now Alex even got himself off. He never felt the urge to these days stuck in the same four walls. It was only up until now where Alex has only felt even the tiniest bit turned on in what seemed like forever. And that ignited the forgotten embers inside of Alex causing them to roar back into flames. He missed fooling around, his longed to fulfil urges and most of all he just missed sex.

John shook his head again. "No, we start off basic. I want you please yourself without actually using your genitals. I don't want to see them. I am more interested in seeing that beautiful face of yours become weak." And John cheekily grins.

Alex gave a nod. It was a bizarre request and something told Alex this was far from over. But if it pleased John and got him more trust then he was going to do it.

"Here" John purrs. He chuckled at Alex's shock when John uses his long thigh and slips it between Alex's legs. He arches it up as he's keeping Alex in place by holding his hips. "Let Daddy help"

And John slowly began to grate against Alex's blossoming erection. Alex was more flushed than before, his heart rate was booming and he felt his breathing become ragged. John there infront of him, staring into his eyes and his lips were in the naughtiest of smiles. He was getting off on this himself in his own warped way.

"Start moving" John ordered. "Move for Daddy"

So Alex did.

He got into it soon enough, up and down against John's thigh. Although Alex found it quite hard to keep eye contact at first because this felt wrong, embarrassing and Alex could not believe he was getting into this. He was enjoying this too.

And John watches in delight as Alex dies with embarrassment, his head dipping as he tries to hide the way he's blushing. John releases such a filthy groan, oh he liked this. Very much.

He shifts slightly, sliding down the sofa a little bit more so it gave Alex more room to move. His pushes up a little, where Alex's cock pressing against John's restraining thigh. Up down, up down, rubbing his erection against John's leg like he's been commanded to. John was watching him, carefully studying Alex's face despite not making eye contact.

John's hands grasped Alex's hip tighter this time and what happened next completely shocked the entire life out of Alex. John used both of his hands to spank Alex there on his backside as he arched up before coming down again.

"Ah!" Alex squealed. He wasn't expecting that.

Alex closed his eyes and he's dying with shame. The fact that dry humping John's thigh and being spanked at the same time had caused such an immense thrill to shock his whole body was terrible. It was as if Alex was unlocking some grotesque joy inside of himself through all of this.

It wasn't even the fact that he missed sex. It was being like this, vulnerable, under control and getting such pleasure all at the same time. Alex hated John, he could not understand himself or these stupid feelings. He felt so confused.

"More" John orders.

Alex ruts himself further down.

"Faster" John tells him. "Go faster"

So Alex does. John hitches up his leg as Alex does and Alex lets out a breathy moan because he was starting to feel it now properly. His cock was beginning to feel the benefit of all of this and his balls were burning.

But due to being sick and lack of eating Alex's energy was low. He didn't have his strength to be doing all of this like he used to. Alex grew tired and pleasure was taking its toll so easily now. John hummed a low moan when Alex's hips were rolling nicely against him.

However it was then when Alex let out a heavy breath and he's panting.

"Baby doll?" John asks, concerned.

Then Alex topples forward, he's worn out. He collapses against John's chest. His head hanging over his shoulder, his body stiff and unmoving. Alex could feel John's heartbeat as he lay like this and it was going wild.

"You okay?" John asks.

He did genuinely sound worried.

"Give me a minute" Alex says voice is tinged with shame, and he wonders if they've gone too far, if he's pushed past his limits. "I think I need some help with this, I'm tired out already"

Then what came next from John was his arms locking around Alex's waist from behind. The embrace was soft, not possessive like it usually was or painful when John was making subtle threats. This felt real.

"Do you want to stop?" John asks point blank.

Alex was surprised John was giving him the option. It was actually nice that John was giving Alex the choice for once, that never usually happened much. But even though Alex was exhausted, he didn't want to stop.

"No" Alex replied. "I want to keep going"

A soft sigh came from John. "You sure?"

"Yeah" And Alex nods against him. He breathes John in, his face was just against John's nape. He smelled like cinnamon and musk. Alex remembered this scent. He used to always love it when John wore it on their dates.

He felt John whirl a hand around his lower back and then he pulls Alex slowly, gently, away from him so he's got Alex upright again. John is looking into Alex's eyes, when he did though, Alex knew this wasn't 'Daddy'. This was John Laurens. In this moment, that look of worry and raw realness there in those eyes. This was his boyfriend, all over again. He had finally taken off that mask.

Then John lips his bottom lip and smirks. "Going to get that pretty little ass of yours moving again, just like it was before. All you need is this hand, right here, helping you out." He doesn't give Alex anytime to react, just brings his hand down sharply, the blow making Alex's body shift against him.

He raises his hand over and over, loving the sound of his palm cracking down on the abused skin of Alex's ass. Soon Alex's pushing up against his hand, thigh muscles flexing as he humps John's thigh, his hips twitching in rhythm with the blows John's raining down. The spanking makes Alex lose all his inhibitions, pain and pleasure twisting inside him, making him writhe against John, in desperate need of release.

"Such a good baby, you're the bestest. You should see how you look, my, oh my. Rutting against Daddy's leg. Love that you can be like this for me" John tells him, huskily.

Alex realised he lust had gotten the better of him now.

He had unmasked John, but he was still a monster underneath it.

Alex tried not to think too much of it. John's words are enough to tip him over the edge, but he had to keep this up. He had to please John in order to get anywhere with him.

So he pushes down harder, grinding his hard cock against John. He's letting out breathless moans and whimpers that are making John wild himself. Seconds later, Alex shudders and closes his eyes as he cums.

A warm and sticky fluid soaking a patch on John's jeans. And John brings his palm down one last time, lets his hand rest where it lands, caresses the sore, throbbing skin, giving Alex's trembling body time to recover.

As Alex is basking in his pleasure, John lets out a small "Oh, come here" and wraps his arms around Alex, pulling him up to properly sit in his lap. John figures Alex is beautiful like this, his eyes flush with passion, his body lax and sated; worn out and compliant, just how John likes him.

John slumped back on the couch, taking Alex with him there. Alex is panting hard, they're swapping gentle kisses as they both try to calm themselves. "Are you okay?" John asks, gently.

"Better than okay I guess, I haven't felt that way in -" Alex all but stops.

He doesn't want to bring up history. He suspects John knows what he means as he sees it there on his face. But John doesn't ask either.

"Glad you feel good, but we're going to have to get up soon. You'll have to get cleaned up, you made quite a mess on Daddy's jeans."

"Sorry." There's not a hint of repentance in Alex's voice, but John feeling far too relaxed to care.

John smiles down at him. "No, it's fine." He tells Alex.

Alex finds it in him to lean up, he steals one last kiss from John before lying back down on his lap. Things go quiet again, the TV was now playing an old episode of some series that Alex recognised. But he was too tired to even bother to watch it.

John was playing with his hair, his long fingers tousling it and twisting it around them. Alex didn't even care, it felt nice. The gesture wasn't creepy or weird like it usually was. Right now, it felt different. It felt comforting.

"Can I -" Alex stopped himself asking this.

Right now felt like he needed this. But it was in his plan, he had to go forth with this.

"Yeah?" John asks. His fingers continued to play with his hair. "What is it?"

Alex swallowed a lump in his throat and he's silently exhaling a small breath. "Sleep with me"

Then the hair fingering stopped. "Sorry?"

"Sleep with me" Alex tells him and this time Alex turned on his back to look up at John.

He see's a look of shock on John's face. His brow creased slightly.

"Baby doll -" John scoffs and closes his eyes. "I don't think that is such a good idea"

"Why?"

"You're sick, that's why. No." John tells him sweetly and then smiles. "We can't sleep together. That wouldn't be right."

Now Alex worried that he may have gone too far with this.

"I don't mean sex" Alex said. "No, I meant, will you please just sleep next to me."

John pulled a weirded out look.

"I just want to be with you" Alex says, all innocently and he gives John big eyes through his lashes. "Please"

"You never want me to sleep with you, you never want me to even give you as much as a hug. So, why now?" John asked him. "You never come to me, you always stay in your room. You never want a thing from me." 

That was true. Alex wanted to voice 'shit' aloud because John had caught him there. John's eyeing him carefully too, Alex knows that look. John does this thing where he's scrutinising Alex from inside and out. Looking for any give away that he may be trying to cause trouble. 

"But now I do" Alex answered back, firmly. "All I want is you, please. Just you."

John bit down on his lip again, he nods. He could only smile and he goes back to ruffling Alex's hair. Alex wasn't sure if John bought it but he would soon find out.

"Okay" John replied.

He leans down to Alex there on his lip and presses a sweet kiss on his temples.

"Let's get you cleaned up first, okay?"

And then Alex reaches to take John by the cheeks as he's hanging there above him. Alex moves a little so he can take John by the lips and he kisses him deeply. The kiss was warm and it lingered.

And as they broke it, Alex whispers a meek "Okay"

Somewhere in that shared gaze between them Alex was pretty certain he may eventually be able to get John hooked on love and desire. Until then, he would keep playing this game.

* * *

That night, John had kept his promise.

He slept at the side of Alex. Never clinging on to him, not holding him, but John was there. And it had Alex wondering what them arms would feel like wrapped around him again. The broadness of John's chest against as Alex would lie into his pecs. Explore them again, relish and reel him in again.

Alex was aware there was this pit inside him somewhere which longed to do so. But he couldn't give in.

It was then when Alex awoke, John was still fast asleep. Softly snoring, he looked precious when he slept. Angelic, even. Alex watched him as he slept and it was still hard to believe how this man, who had a face like an angel, but inside his heart was as black as a broke movie screen.

Then the realisation of the situation kicked in. John was next to him, asleep, vulnerable.

It hit him and the darkest thoughts started to race in his mind.

Alex wondered if he should.

His eyes drift to the pillow there behind him, Alex turns to it and he places his hand on it. Then he looks back over to John who's fast asleep. Quiet snores emerging from him, his beautiful long dark curls all spread there on his pillow.

And it could be done quickly too.

All Alex had to do was take the case off his pillow and then slip it right over John's head. Kill him as he slept. This madness could be over in minutes if he tried.

Alex's hands itched.

He wanted to kill John.

His gut whirled to the point where Alex was more likely going to throw up than actually do anything to John. He had never harmed a fly let alone kill someone before today.

John had done this, Alex told himself. He had pushed him to do this. So the blood was on his hands, not his _own_.

As the seconds passed Alex was sweating like a pig. His hands were turning clammy, his breathing hurried and he doesn't know what to do. Alex wasn't sure he could kill despite everything.

He looked back to John and he continued to watch. Alex couldn't hurt him. Then he's looking to John's luscious curls there spread and Alex wanted to take one. Loop it around his finger and let go until it spirals back into place.

Alex knew he would have to think about this though. His mind was in loops and knots on the thought of murder.

And before anything could happen, the alarm on John's phone was blaring off. Alex lay back down immediately, he closes his eyes and listens. John was making a small groan, he's turning, shifting around beside Alex and then the alarm is turned off. He hears John grumble something about the noise.

Then there's the sound of John scratching at the back of his nape, yawning as he did.

John doesn't wake Alex up at first. He believes he's asleep and John always got up first. He had time to himself first before setting about sorting Alex out for the day and getting him dressed.

Alex keeps his eyes tightly shut, curled up in a ball and he's almost jumping out his skin when he feels John rake a hand through his hair. He hears a mumble of light laughter as his fingers trickle through his locks.

"Alex" John says in a cheeky tone. "I know you're awake"

His cover is blown. Alex felt his body freeze and his eyes go wide. He wonders if John suspected anything and Alex thanked the heavens that he didn't try anything because John had been awake this whole time too.

Alex hated to imagine if he had tried suffocating John and the fight that would've taken place between them. Alex wouldn't win it of course and John would never trust him again.

He feels John lie back down next to him and he mooches up closer so that Alex could feel John's chest behind him.

"I heard you get up. Hey, you still sleepy?"

"No" Alex muffled out. God, now he felt awful and terrified of his own thoughts.

John grins, he hums at this and goes back to playing with Alex's hair. "Want some breakfast?'

Alex could feel his stomach hurt. Food sounded good but Alex wasn't sure if he could keep it down right now.

"Guess so" Alex says.

"Hey" John calls quietly.

And Alex can feel John coax him by his shoulder to turn from his side and rolls him on to his back. Alex looks up at him, John's on his side hovering over him. Those hazel eyes of his were shining, he looked gorgeous, Alex thought.

Those sexy wild curls in a such state like that drove Alex crazy inside, also John needed a shave as well Alex noticed that his facial hair was starting to come through again under his chin. John never kept a beard, only fuzz at most. And Alex loved it when John grew out his facial, it felt gorgeous against his fingers and Alex recalled how he would protest when John would shave it off.

But before he could say a thing, he's instantly caught by the chin and placed in a mesmerising kiss. It was a full on smooch, the type where Alex easily got lost in it. A kiss where his head clouded and Alex was left breathless. Alex didn't mean to wrap a leg around John's lower half as they kissed.

John had Alex by the cheeks, he was softly rutting against him and Alex growled into the kiss. John did too and even kissed a little at Alex's neck. When breaking away, the pair of them could only laugh.

"Morning" John grinned.

"Morning" Alex said back.

And just like that, the cat got the cream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY.
> 
> I know, I know it has been a minute since I last uploaded. My life has been chaos, I have been up and down, I've had highs and lows so badly this year. I only managed to update this once this year, twice now. I can't even -
> 
> But I truly do apologise for the long delay. I am still working on this story and my other, I promise I have not forgot about them. Honestly, I am so sorry.
> 
> However, I hope you are all doing well. I cannot believe how fast this year has gone, it's literally flashed within the blink of an eye. It's crazy!
> 
> Let's hope that 2021 will be a bit better, yeah? 
> 
> Happy New Year to you all! 
> 
> Thank you for reading everyone and stay safe! 
> 
> X


	8. Everyone thinks that we're perfect, Please don't let them look through the curtains, D-O-L-L-H-O-U-S-E, I see things that nobody else sees

Alex's first escape attempt was when he hadn't long been taken into hostage by John.

One morning Alex was stood on the balcony, he's gripping tight on the rail and closes his eyes as his hair danced in the wind. Wishing if only he had a pair of wings right now to fly him away from this hell.

John wasn't home right now. Alex didn't know where he had gone but when he woke up that morning John wasn't there which was brilliant as Alex immediately went for the front door.

He tried the security code, nothing. Alex went to the kitchen and came back with a knife where he tried prying at the lock, that was unsuccessful. He tried kicking the door in and ended up hurting his foot instead.

Alex had even tried to go upstairs to the other floors above but John had locked all those doors.

Nothing worked.

John had a CCTV camera system by the door set up and Alex could see who was walking around out front. Members of the public who lived here at this complex, walking out, living their lives, all completely unaware of Alex's kidnapping. It hurt.

Alex exhales a breath which felt like a thousand weights in his stomach.

He didn't know what else to do. There was no phone in sight, John did not have a landline. He kept his phone with him at all times. Alex knew his own phone was smashed up and long gone.

Apart from the TV that was all Alex had. There wasn't even a laptop around where Alex could log on. John had purposely cut Alex off from the world. Cruelly allowing him to view it from inside. Like a butterfly in a bell jar.

Out of nowhere Alex felt a tightness in his chest, he's backing away from the CCTV and he's almost stumbling over the coffee table. He jumps from that and his legs go to jelly, Alex then drops down on the sofa. He feels an adrenaline rush emerge throughout his whole body and Alex feels hot. His breathing is rapid and he's shaking.

"I need air" Alex rasps.

That was when he realised he was having a panic attack.

Jumping up again, his legs still were wobbly and he couldn't feel his toes. But Alex rushes over to the balcony doors on the other side of the living room. Alex wastes no time throwing the doors open after he unlocked them in a hurry. His breathing is terrible, fear bottles up in him and Alex feels like he may be having a heart attack.

Alex staggers over to the railing and he's grasping it as tight as he could as he's trying to breathe.

As Alex is heaving for air his head is spinning, his entire body has pins and needles. He couldn't feel his legs. Panic raptured Alex's mind and he doesn't think. He can't.

And Alex doesn't realise how during this short reign of terror that he's arching right over the railing. Choking, rasping and not seeing that if he lets go, it's game over from here. He'll fall to his death.

Alex was too busy with his eyes closed, wheezing and choking to really pay attention to the voice calling for him. He doesn't fight the hands that pull him backwards and Alex goes into panic mode once he is being dragged away. Shouting is all around him which makes his mind whirl. Alex is only concentrating on getting his breathing back to normal. He's in too much shock to comprehend anything else happening.

He's placed on what felt like the sofa underneath him. His vision is all dizzy and Alex tries to breathe properly. The shouting still continues until the noise slowly becomes more recognisable.

"Alexander, what were you doing?!"

Alex jumped at the sound of it gasping and he's sliding back against the rail. That was when John jumped in quickly.

"What the hell!" John shouts. "Are you serious?!"

He caught Alex. 

"You're a goddamn degenerate! Stupid Doll!" John barks.

Alex had his heart in his mouth and couldn't breathe due to shock. He had almost fell. John has hold of him, firmly, arms around Alex and they're stood there stiff. Both panting away from what had just happened.

"Why would you do this? How reckless must you be!" John was going off like a mad man.

However Alex just lay there trying to gain consciousness. His head span in circles.

"Alex" John just did not look or seem one bit sympathetic towards Alex. Despite him lay there trying to breathe. "How could you do that"

It didn't sound like a question. John's voice was laced with betrayal.

"Are you trying to kill yourself?" John spat. "Is that what you're trying to do? Leave me?"

Alex cleared his throat as he tried to find the urge to speak. "No" His response came out so small.

John stood there with his hands on his hips, he continues to glare at Alex's distress. Unmoving and the least bit interested too. Alex rolled on his side, an arm dangling off the edge of the sofa and he's got his eyes closed. Alex was trying to steady his breathing and curls up in a fatal position.

"So is that it? No 'sorry' or 'thank you for almost not letting me fall to my death'?" John scoffed.

At this Alex opens one eye, he looks up at John and he can almost make out John's face. Alex still felt dizzy.

"Nothing?"John asks again.

When Alex closes his eyes and turns his face away to bury it into the sofa. He heard John groan and this must've stirred up John's mood. Alex felt a hand on the back of his top and he's being hoisted upwards.

"Get up" John orders.

Alex didn't response. His body felt too heavy to even lift. John shakes his head and mutters under his breath.

"Get up, now" John hissed.

And he's tugging on Alex and Alex somehow gathers strength to move. John sees Alex shifting himself off the sofa and John cruelly yanks Alex down on the floor where he fell hard.

"Ah!" Alex whined.

"Up" John gave him no time to nurse that oozing knee. Alex tried to stand but he failed.

Alex shakes his head and he's grabbing the edge of the coffee table for support. "John, I feel light headed"

"You wouldn't feel this way if you hadn't tried to toss yourself off my balcony, you idiot. Get up." John lectured.

"I can't walk properly"

John rolls his eyes. "Enough with the lies, move."

"But John!"

John shoves him and Alex cries. "Move it! Haul ass!"

And Alex does try this time to get up. He hasn't got it in him to argue at this point. He staggers up to his feet with everything he had and John immediately pulls him through towards the kitchen. Between the kitchen and the hall Alex lost his balance when his head went spiralling again. John paid him no mind when Alex collapsed to his knees. He's certain another panic attack is on the way but John yanks Alex by the scuff of his collar from the back into his room.

Alex's knees are not only swollen from falling off the sofa but carpet burns add an extra amount of pain. He hissed and cries at the sensation but John doesn't listen.

"You're a liability" John tells him. "I can't even trust you to be alone while I leave for not even half an hour. What did you think you would achieve? You're an ungrateful, spiteful, delinquent! How could you? How could you try and kill yourself! How?!"

He practically throws Alex on his bed. Alex is too frantic to take it all in. John is reaching under the bed and he is pulling out Alex's restraints. John drops one of them and figures just one will do. He wraps it around Alex's ankle and chains it to the bed's post.

"There" John tells him. "Since I can't trust you to be alone by yourself, so from now on, while I'm out, you stay in here."

Alex's stomach felt a heavy lower down even more which didn't seem possible but it did. The thought of being confided to this small space, a bedroom and his ensuite bathroom. There was no freedom, nothing. This was his world now.

Trembling, Alex's lips quavered and he could feel another jolt of anxiety burst within him.

"John" Alex says, slowly. He has to try and get his breathing steady. If he didn't then Alex knew he would end up having another wild attack. "Please don't keep me here. Please. My anxiety is flaring up and I can barely breathe. I need air!"

"You're not going anywhere" John said. 

"No, I need air! I can't fucking breathe!" Alex cried.

As Alex had shouted hard he felt his head ring and that automatically caused Alex to feel alarm again. He was back to rapidly drumming his leg and hyperventilating.

John looked through Alex. Already, Alex knew he didn't have John's sympathy. Nothing fazed him not even the fact that Alex was breathing hectically infront of him.

And with that, John shrugged.

Alex tried to frown at him through his small attack, he rolled on his side and tried to piece himself together. It wasn't easy when he felt like he was going to die. His chest was tight, his toes tingled and he felt like he was going to pass out any moment.

"You'll make up any excuse to try and defy me" John says.

Alex shook his head. "No"

"I wasn't born yesterday, you can lie there and pretend all you want, Doll. I won't be fooled, never again." John adds. "Until you learn to behave and become loving, baby doll. You'll be in here for the most part."

Tears were brimming in Alex's eyes, his heart was pounding crazily and his breathing still felt so ragged. John didn't care and he tightens the restraint.

"I am so unbelievingly disappointed in you" He pushed. Alex didn't want to hear this. "I do everything for you, then I get this. You, out there, dangling off my balcony, trying to kill yourself. I mean, how would that have looked? You, down there, in a splattered mess on the goddamn concrete! Daddy would be questioned and imprisoned over your selfishness."

Alex's body began to shake. "Stop"

John tugs on the restrain to make sure it's secure. Alex could feel it digging into his skin so much it burnt. He figured John was doing this on purpose because he was mad.

"Well, come to think of it. I wouldn't be imprisoned. Not when I have people on my side and they could always just deem it as an accident. Since, after all, you would've fallen by yourself. Your actions would not implement damage to my status." John said like it was nothing. Alex gritted his teeth and seethed within. "It's not as if I am the bad guy here"

Well, that did it for Alex.

He turns on his back and sits upright. His breathing still wasn't right but Alex could feel his anger rise. He's glowering at John.

"You're not the bad guy?" Alex scoffs and coughed as he did. His voice was going all funny. "You? You seriously think you're some sort of saint for taking me in and doing this to me?"

John quirks a brow at him.

"You think you're so untouchable, don't you?" Alex snarls.

Another shrug came from John. His attitude was starting to grill Alex down.

"One day, someone will knock you off of that ivory tower you sit on" Alex hissed. "And I swear to god, once I am out of here, I will be the one to make sure you go down head first"

Now this caused a shift in John.

His expression turned into some sarcastic smirk but his eyes weren't laughing. John leans down infront of Alex, over the bed frame and he tilts his head. His curled pony slipping gracefully over his shoulder as he did.

Alex didn't like the face he pulled, deep down he felt terrified. But he was standing his ground and glaring hatefully back at John.

"Is that right?" John asks, his voice sounded calm. But there was a storm coming.

Alex's breathing increased, it as jagged and it gave away how scared he was. But Alex wasn't backing down. He searched into John's eyes and nodded.

"You want to bet?" Alex pushed.

John nods slowly. He snorts and his smirk grew. "Alright then"

And immediately John was undoing the restraint on Alex's leg, Alex sat back, and watched him. He didn't like this, something wasn't right. "What're you doing?" Worry itched into Alex's voice.

But John didn't reply. He keeps this raging smile on his face and his eyes are manic.

"John? Hey, wait, what's going on?" Alex says. "The fuck are you doing?"

John shoves off the rest of the restraint, it drops to the floor and he's immediately grabbing Alex by the arm. Alex tried budging John off him but it wasn't easy. He still felt so weak and Alex's fighting spirit was fading.

"Get off!" Alex shouts. "Get the fuck off me!"

Eventually John grabs him and he's pulling Alex off the bed. Alex whimpers from the tugging on his arm, it hurt and he is staggering all over the place. His knees were still sore from earlier.

"John! Let go! Get off!"

As John is forcing Alex down the hallway once again, while Alex shouting and bawling his head off. They pass through the kitchen and Alex realises what is just about to happen as they enter the living room.

John is dragging him towards the balcony.

Alex's heart is in his mouth and he feels sick.

"Oh god, no" He whispers to himself.

John is flinging open the balcony door and he's trying to get Alex outside.

"Come" John ushered. "Now"

Alex shakes his head, frantically, he's shaking and crying. "No! Fuck off! Get away from me, bastard! You fucking asshole! Just get away!"

He knows what John is going to do.

"Stop!" Alex cried.

John managed to get Alex skidding his way. "Behave" John tells him.

Alex whines at the force and he can feel his legs go wobbly. His breathing picks up again, his heart was in his hearts and he felt butterflies in his gut. Nausea was bubbling more and more.

As Alex tried to turn back and run into the living room. John tightens his hold and he's making sure he's behind Alex. Alex cries for John to let go but he is silenced when John horrifically grabs him by the scruff of his hair and bends Alex over the railing.

Everything is silence now around Alex.

He can't think, speak or move let alone scream. John has him dangling almost over the rail and even tips Alex forwards. Alex is staring into the abyss of what seemed like present and the heavens. If John let go of him now, it would be over and he would get away with murder as well.

The thought of him getting off scott free sickened Alex.

Alex was holding on to the rail for his life. He didn't know what to do in this situation, his mind was blank and his legs were about to give way. Alex closed his eyes, tightly, he breathed sharply and slowly as this whole ordeal happened. Terrified to the core.

Not even once giving any mind to the warmth trickling down his legs in which he had just pissed himself out of fright.

And when John cruelly tints him even more forwards and it truly felt as if he was about to let go. Alex lets out a frightened cry and he's a mess.

"Head first you said" John tells him.

Alex regretted his words, him and his big mouth.

"Only one of us will go head first, doll. And it sure as hell won't be me" John gritted out of his teeth. "Understood?"

Alex quavered, scared to death, unmoving. Watching wildly at the traffic pass from below. Cars zooming past, people walking by. No one noticed. Hope was crumbling away at his fingers and to reach it, it meant dying.

"Understood?" John repeats, harsher and he tips Alex the furthest this time.

He could feel it coming, rushing up his gut and throat. Alex threw up and he was heaving as he did. He couldn't breathe properly, his lungs and windpipe burnt from the vomit. His hair was stuck to his face, he was crying and Alex was sure he was pissing himself again.

John didn't ask this time, he just tilts Alex again and what was cruel. Just so evil it when John lets go for a quick second. Alex's heart pretty much stopped and his body froze. He was sliding down, falling.

He did nothing, he couldn't find strength to hold on the railing anymore. He was going to die.

But then John grabbed him back again and as he does Alex is sick once more.

John was watching everything. He was close up, right behind Alex. But John wasn't the slightest bit empathetic to Alex's state.

"Do I _need_ to repeat myself?" John says, icily.

Alex shakes his head this time.

"So, you do understand?"

I fear of this happening again. Alex broke. He snapped.

Alex cries out a 'yes' at the top of his lungs. Suddenly Alex wondered if he just screamed his head off then perhaps someone may hear him. However, it wasn't possibly, the apartment was too high up.

John smirks at the reply. He immediately pulls Alex back and then dragging him back into the living room. Alex is coughing all over the place, sobbing and shaking. John closes the balcony door and locks it. He pockets the key into his jeans and wiggles the door handle just to make sure it's secure.

When he turns, Alex is on the floor on his knees and he's arched over trying to get his breath back.

"So, you've learnt your lesson for today it seems" John says, nonchalantly. "Good - but disobey me like that again and you will never see a shred of sunlight again. Mark my words, Doll. I don't play."

"I wasn't trying to kill myself! What part of needing air do you not understand?! I was having a panic attack because of you keeping me here in this insane asylum!" Alex screams.

"You were hanging off the edge of the damn balcony! What part of that do you not understand?! And I do everything, I'm a slave to you. I'm trying to love you, I'm trading my soul here and everything I own, everything I have ever worked for, just for you!" John shouted back, even louder some how. It rungs and hurt Alex's brain.

"I run back and forth tending to your mangy, bony carcass, day and night! And you try and leave me!" 

Alex drops on his front on the floor and he's just in a tired heap. He's full of sick, piss is down his legs and stained on his dress. His feet were all dirty from being out the balcony. His knees were all sore still. His head hurt from being forced over a rail, his chest did too from the pressure against it. His stomach was churning and Alex was certain that he may be sick again at some point. But sadly, his soul hurt the most. Alex just felt so broken, so worn and lifeless.

John has his hands in his pockets, he's looking down at Alex with pity and sheer disgust. He steps over Alex there on the floor as if he were trash. John turns and he's tapping a foot.

"No, no. It was you -" John points at Alex, huffing and puffing as he did. "You drove me to that" John tells him. Then John darts to the coffee table and picks up the knife Alex had used to pry open the door's lock. "And look! You've even tried to bust up my lock! Yet I have told you to stay out of the kitchen, another rule broken! You do not play with knives, Doll!"

Alex's head ached. He didn't need this.

John tossed the knife back down with a 'clang'. Alex winced at the sound.

"I didn't want to hurt you. Daddy hates hurting you, but you made me do it. Baby doll, I never want to have to do that ever again. I should not have to keep punishing you when you have been here days on end. You know better, you know the rules." John lectured.

Alex just about got his breathing on balance, as he did, he sniffled and said "I was having a panic attack, I needed to go out for air. I never meant to..."

John lets out a small sigh. "Well, from what I recall, Doll, you've never had a 'panic attack' before? Not once!"

He wonders if John is hinting about their dating days.

"Well I can't help it!" Alex snaps.

John made a 'tsk' and said "It doesn't matter, you know not to go out there. And so, because of your behaviour. I gave you something to panic about. And so, now, you won't and don't need to go back out there again. Finished." 

Alex whimpered out "You almost let me go!" He slowly picks himself up, Alex peeled himself from the floor and he manages to sit up. He's wobbly and his head still feels dizzy. But Alex steadied himself. "You nearly let me fall! How could you! You fucking erratic piece of shit!"

"Oh save it" John scoffed.

Alex was glowering. "Fuck you" Then went back into a coughing fit.

"And you know something?" John threw in.

He strolls closer to Alex and as John did, he reaches a hand out to take Alex by the chin. Dried vomit and spit was still there but John didn't even flinch. Alex looks into John's eyes through hazy vision. He saw a monster staring back.

"That's how I felt, terrified. Petrified when I caught you dangling off!" John barked.

Alex flinched but John pulled him right back.

"Now you know how it feels, to see the one you love slowly nearly leave you." John said. "Now you know, what it felt like for me watching you avoid me for months, seeing you just walk away out of my life. That is what it felt like. You selfish brat."

And with that John roughly shoved Alex away by his face which had Alex toppling onto his side on the floor. Alex gasped at this and he doesn't bother moving this time when he's down.

John stands there tall from above. He watches and pulls a face.

"Look at you, lay there. Soaked in your own sick and piss." John huffed out. He shakes his head and closes his eyes.

Alex feels his stomach well and his throat ached. He wanted to just cry again and again.

"Clean yourself up, you're a disgrace. Doll, a disgrace. You disgust me." John tells him. 

And with that John walks away, leaving Alex alone there on the living room floor. Once he heard those footsteps fade, Alex curled into a small ball and cried himself to sleep.

* * *

Today was strange because John was being affectionate. 

Very affectionate. Something felt different recently with John, he had seemed to warm up a lot more now. 

John drifts a across Alex's back. He sits down next to him as he did and he's nudging a mug of black coffee into Alex's hands. Alex looks over to John surprised. "Two mugs this week? You usually let me only have one"

Alex smirked behind the mug. His little plan was going ahead perfectly. 

"Yeah, well. It's cold and you don't like tea, you don't like oat drinks or hot fruity drinks" John told him.

Alex side eyed him. He suspected John was actually trying to be civil here.

"Thank you"

John gave him a soft smile.

"Wait, you remembered" Alex says. John quirks a brow. "That I hate tea, can't stomach oat drinks and that I can't stand those fruit drinks"

John shrugs and looks elsewhere. "You always preferred coffee over anything else - even before bed." 

Alex stared down at his coffee and then back to John. As he did that was when both their eyes connected. Alex gave John a quick little smile before turning to his drink. John then stands up off the bed and then he places a hand on Alex's shoulder.

As Alex was swallowing he made a 'mph' sound as if he wanted to speak.

"Bring your drink, come." John tells him.

Licking his lips, Alex relished that sweet bitter taste. And if he was certain this was a Starbucks blend. He wonders if John had visited his old place of work since and had purchased this. If it was true then it was twisted, keeping Alex away from his old job and mocking him.

"What?" Alex said.

John nudged him again. "Come in the living room with me"

"That's -" Alex was choosing his words carefully. He had been getting on John's good side recently. "It's okay?"

With a smile, John nods. "Yeah, come"

So Alex got up with his drink and follows John. One thing Alex noticed was whenever Alex ever left a room with John whether it be his room or the big bathroom next door. John always waited for Alex to leave first almost as if he were suspicious that Alex would try anything. Although it made Alex hope there would be a day when John stopped doing this. The day he did that would be when Alex knew John fully trusted him.

Once they cut through the kitchen and into the living room Alex went to sit on the floor in his usual spot. He knew how John liked him and where he wanted him. Alex didn't see John's face with his back to him but he could hear John hum deeply behind. Alex took a nervous drink of his coffee, he's looking to the corner of his eyes and he's crunching his toes in his slippers. He prays John couldn't see through him.

John says nothing on it though. He sits down behind Alex like he always did, he's got his laptop on the seat to him and placing it on his knees. The TV plays some weird space movie and Alex watches in silence. He can hear the tapping behind him and a few mumbles from John as he's reading out loud.

Alex feels a ball in his throat, he wants to say something. Anything. This was boring.

After a while Alex grew more and more annoyed. He has long finished his coffee, placing the mug on the coffee table infront of him and Alex looks up at the ceiling. He sucks in a silence breath and closes his eyes. His brow crushed together and he quietly exhales. His body unbuckles any tension it has and he tells himself to relax.

Here went nothing.

Alex shuffles backwards, he goes right back until he's between John's legs. His back hits the edge of the sofa seat and it catches John's attention.

"Baby doll?" John asks.

Narrowing his eyes at the TV's screen for a moment, gritting his teeth and biting his tongue from any cursing because that is what Alex truly wanted to do. He wanted to scratch John's face off. But he keeps his anger back, he has to.

Alex turns his head, his pig tails swishing as they did with the cute pink glitter ribbons in his head and Alex makes sure he looks up at John with the most innocent look he can muster. He gives John those big eyes that he adored. He had always loved it when Alex did that when they were together.

And John noticed alright. He looks down at him fairly puzzled.

"What's wrong?"

Alex bites his lip and then says "I need Daddy"

John stops writing and he immediately switches personalities. He puts his laptop aside then he's leaning down. "What do you need?"

Alex needed to leave, that's what he needed most.

"I just want some attention" Alex said. "You're up there, all busy and I'm down here. Alone."

A look of sympathy etched John's features and he smiles. "I see, right, okay. What would you like me to do for you?" John asks and he shuffles forward a bit.

It never seized to amaze Alex just how serious John took all of this. It was mad.

"I want Daddy to decide" Alex tells him, mostly because he knew how much John liked to be in control and he enjoyed that awful ego boosted.

Alex blinks at Alex, batting his long lashes and tilts his head cutely. Just a subtle gesture but Alex knew the effect it had on John. He loved it, craved it.

"Would you..." John trails slowly. He chewed at his lip for a second and tapped his foot. Then bingo, he had an idea. His eyes widen and Alex's gut dropped. He hated everything this man did. "Would you like me to play with your hair?"

Alex couldn't say no, not when this bastard looked so enthusiastic. Anything to please John.

"Sure" Alex replied.

So Alex turns and John's hands were already on his shoulders to help swivel him around. Alex frowns at the action, these little possessive traits truly enraged him. John was on it right away, he had Alex's hair down and he was taking his locks with care.

It was simple really. Give John what he wants.

Alex slowly lifts up his arm and he moves it backwards to place his hand on John's knee. He feels John go tense under his fingers, Alex knows full well that John was freaking out secretly. But he kept on messing around with Alex's hair and Alex squeezed John's knee softly.

Keeping his eyes fixated on the movie, Alex bites the inside of his cheek and he wonders if he should push it. So he decides to and his hand travels slowly up John's thigh.

Nothing was said though about it. He figured John liked being touch in these small intimate ways. It gave him the sense that they were still together but in this extremely disturbed reality.

John was busy tying one side of Alex's hair into a french braid, it was neat and slick. Alex could feel the effort he was putting into it and he recalled how John had once told him that he used to do his younger sister's hair as a child.

Alex also remembered that John had briefly told him he had another sister who he was close to, Alex was certain John was the eldest. And some brothers too. It had slipped his mind really and without thinking Alex asked, "What were your brothers names again?"

At this Alex bit his lip super hard and mentally booted himself. He wasn't supposed to ask!

John stopped what he was doing.

"Why?"

Of course John wanted to know why Alex was so interested in his business. Everything always came with suspicion and caution after all.

Alex shrugged. "It's just I remember you telling me that you used to braid your sister's hair. I can't remember her name or your other siblings names either."

John was still stiff but those fingers went back to business and John made a light little hum behind which tickled Alex's nape hairs.

"You're thinking of Mary" John tells him. "She's my youngest sister, I used to do her hair during the early morning school runs since my mother would usually be very busy with her business."

Alex made a small 'ah'.

"My other sister is Martha, she's two years younger than myself. I'm probably closer to her than any of the others to be honest." John informs, he slicks his fingers down the braid and then goes to the next side of Alex's head.

"And your brothers?" Alex asked.

John wisps Alex's hair around his fingers and he playfully tugs. He lowers his mouth down just by Alex's ear and Alex feels his throat tighten. His heart racing.

"Why are you so curious about me and my family all of a sudden?" John asked, purred more like. He was pleased it sounded. Alex kept his hand in place on John's thigh and slowly edged his hand up a little further.

He could practically hear John smile without even seeing.

"I just want to know more about you and I did forget, after all." Alex said.

With a low 'hmm' John sat back and he went back to braiding. "Well..." John said and Alex noted the troubled dip in his tone. "My brothers are called Henry and James, we call him 'Jimmy' for short."

"And you're the oldest, right?"

John nods to himself. "Yeah, I am"

"You don't sound..." Alex decided he just shut up. He didn't need to throw a spanner in his progress.

But John wasn't having it. "No, tell me. Ask me. I don't mind."

Relief, Alex thought. "You sound like you're not very close with your brothers?"

"Not really" John replied, sullenly. "We weren't very compatible as we grew up. When they were little, I was more or less still a child but I was going into my teens. We got on fine. But as we got older they became difficult. And sadly very closed minded."

Alex arched a brow. "Closed minded?"

"Well, I am from the south. I grew up in a noble, right winged, strict household, Doll. When you don't fit to those standards then you aren't treated the same."

Alex had an idea what just was grasping at. He think he knew. "Is it -" Alex stopped but the silence ushered him to continue asking. "Is it because you're gay?"

It remained quiet for a little whole longer, Alex felt the braid slowly come together as John busied. "Yeah" John said, his voice soft. He sounded sad. "Because I am gay"

He shouldn't really but Alex felt his heart soften. As much of a monster as John was he did have some empathy. Perhaps this contributed into why John was messed up.

"I'm sorry" Alex replied. He didn't know what else to say.

John stifles a small laugh under his breath and shakes his head. "Why are you apologising? It isn't your fault. And don't pity me, don't. Keep in mind, I grew up ten years apart from yourself. I had a _whole_ childhood before you were even born, Baby Doll. Different era, different location and culture down south. I mean, it wasn't just because my father figured I was batting for the other team from an early age. Sure, it angered him and he persuaded my brothers to spend less time with me in fear that they will _become_ gay too, ridiculous. So, which for the most part is why me and them stray away. No, it was various other things too."

Alex had a feeling John was just speaking his mind without even realising. He had let out a lot of information here, stuff Alex had never been told when they were together.

"What like?" Alex knew he was pulling the plaster off a scab here but he had to know.

John stops braiding. "You're going all out today with these questions. Say, how about Daddy gets to ask some?"

Alex felt his gut do a summersault. "What?" He wonders what John is playing at.

"I want to know more about you, since you want to finally talk to Daddy and get to know Daddy more. Why can't Daddy get to know his Baby Doll. I mean, isn't that fair?" John says, Alex didn't quite trust his tone.

So, apprehensively, Alex nods. "Yeah, okay then"

"Was your first Daddy good to you when you were little?" John asked.

Alex made a crumpled up face. "What?" He didn't get it.

"Your biological father" John flatlined.

"Oh, right. Uh, from what I remember, he was. I guess." Alex told him.

John hums. "He was never violent to you?"

"No" Alex said back.

"Are you certain? He never tried to disown you or castrate you for having tendencies for men?" John asked. Alex didn't like his tone or where this was going. Something felt off.

"I don't even -" Alex squabbled. "What?!"

"Just a question" John shrugged. Alex turns around to look at John this time and John was looking down at him with a very serious expression.

"No" Alex responded. "He did not"

"Hmm" John huffed. "Okay, honey. You can turn back around now, please." And so Alex did and he pulls a weirded out face to himself. This wasn't good.

Alex felt sickened by that question. That had totally caught him off guard. His eyes were just open wide, he's staring at his legs and he felt his bloody run cold. 

What all of this meant left Alex with many questions but he didn't feel like he should ask. Asking meant a discussion that may lead to somewhere uncomfortable. So Alex kept the conversation light and tension free.

"What was it like where you grew up?" Alex asked, nervously.

"I've told you before" John said to him.

He goes back to braiding.

"I forgot and plus you never went into depth. You kept a lot of things private. But I feel like you may have left other a lot of other things out" Alex says.

"As in?" John replied.

Alex hunched up his shoulders and dropped them. "I don't know, I just wanted to hear you tell me again, I guess. It's been ages since we spoke about our past. Well, it's been a while since we spoke at all. Properly, that is."

John made a 'mhm' noise.

"You gonna tell me a bit more about your upbringing then?" Alex pressed.

And John sighs. "Fine. You evidently aren't going to leave the matter alone. What is it specifically you're intent on knowing?"

Alex shrugged again. "Anything. Um, what about your home? Was it big? Was it a modern house or a -"

"It was an antebellum build. A house passed down through my father's side, it was big." John said over him, another sigh came. "Very big"

"You didn't like it?" Alex asks.

John shuffles forward and he's finishing off the last braid. "Not really"

"Why?"

From everything John had told him, it seemed as if John hated almost everything about his childhood.

"Because I just did, alright?" John was getting snippy now. Alex thinks he should cool it down. "Baby Doll, surely you must get the idea by now that I did not like my childhood. I didn't have a happy upbringing. Listen - my family and I all looked perfect to everyone we knew. They assumed we were this big happy family, that we all got along, that everything was great. Pfft. Don't even get me started" John said, bitterly.

"I was an outcast among family, my town and peers. I didn't like living in South Carolina. So, please. Stop asking." He ended.

Alex nodded. Although Alex knew he had to stop, he couldn't. Something more was to be had.

"I'll stop asking about the bad things" Alex said.

John gives the end of Alex's braid a small tug. "You will stop altogether"

"But you were close with your sisters, that's it?" Alex asked.

Rolling his eyes, said sarcastically laughs and he said, "Baby Doll, you're getting cheeky now. Enough."

"Yes or no?" Alex asks.

"Fine, yes. Okay. Yes! I was close to them, well, just one of them. Martha. And my mother, of course." John ended, defeatedly. "But, Martha and I were at our mother's hand when it came to her doll business. We helped her, weekdays after studies and weekends. We weren't forced, we just enjoyed it. Martha was allowed to stay while my father complained that I was spending too much time with them. He deemed me as all sorts, told me boys weren't allowed dolls. He even went as far as threatening our mother to close her business. Luckily, she didn't."

Alex thinks he is putting a picture together now. He realised that John's father could be the root cause of John's warped self. Something was off here. And Alex had to be careful tip-toeing on this territory, especially one where John could flip and all of his progress was lost.

"I see" Alex quietly said. "So her business is still going?" He adds.

"My sister has taken over" John informs.

That made sense.

"And does your father still disapprove of it?" Alex asked, harmlessly but cautious at the same time.

There was silence. Alex senses the off tone fall back into place and he grits his teeth. He shouldn't have asked. He knew John hated his father.

"Well, eventually, he came around" John says, he goes to the tips of Alex's braids and twirls them around his fingers, aimlessly.

Alex's brow raised. "He accepted it?"

"Just before he passed, probably due to guilt. Ha" John snorts, sarcastically. 

Now this shocked Alex. He was certain John's father had always been alive since the day they met.

"He died? I had no idea, I thought he was alive?" Alex asked.

John makes a small 'nuh uh' and says "He died years ago"

And it was the lining of John's voice that sounded joyous. Alex was aware John danced and leapt with joy over the fact that the man was gone. There was deep issues there within him, Alex had always known but a part of his mind itched at one little thing.

"So you inherited everything?" Alex asked.

Again John stiffened. "You are incredibly nosey, my god."

"But you did, right?"

John tilts his head back and rolls his eyes. "Yes, I did"

"And yet you and your father didn't get on well?"

However this time John grabs Alex by the chin and he twists Alex around so he moves to face John. "I think we have reached our peak with Jeopardy, Baby Doll. Enough now."

It was lay there in John's stone cold eyes. Zip it.

"Okay" Alex decides to give it up. "I'm sorry for pushing you"

And just like butter, John melted. He gives Alex a sweet smile and he shook his head before letting go of his chin. "No, love. I understand, you want to know more about Daddy."

Alex smiled back, softly, glumly.

It truly made Alex wonder about John. And John was looking back into his eyes intently, as if he were scrutinising Alex from within. Alex slowly turns back around to face the TV. He felt shivers ride up his skin, his stomach felt off too.

John had a secret that he evidently wanted to keep. And Alex has an idea that he knows what it may be. As there is no way a father who butt heads with his son for years on end, eldest or not. There was just not a chance John would have been in line to inherit such a tremendous fortune.

Alex swallows the hard lump forming in the back of his throat and he felt his anxiety rise. But then the string of speculations in his mind vanished when he felt a pair of arms lock around his front.

John leans his head down on his shoulder and nuzzled into Alex.

Alex's eyes widened and he's gone stone cold.

"Stay here like this for a moment" John murmured into him. "Please, Alex"

He was using his name. Alex's heart flutters.

John kept hold of Alex but as he did he lifts up his head to press a lingering kiss to the side of Alex's neck.

"John?"

He didn't reply. John was busy with painting a series of soft kisses on Alex's shoulder and just along his collarbone. Alex knew he shouldn't be giving into this bliss. It had been so long, he couldn't believe this was happening. This was wrong, it shouldn't be happening, Alex hated this walking embodiment of horror.

But it was John, it was still John. Despite everything. Alex leant his head back and just relished the feeling, the hot sensation of those soft, familiar lips buttering his skin. He was burning up inside, his stomach churned and Alex could feel his cock twitch. Not much did that anymore. John sucking and kissing his body like this, like he used to do, it always sent Alex over.

A moan slipped out of Alex's mouth. A loud one too and it only encouraged John. 

Alex wanted to say no, he should, really he should.

But it wasn't easy, he was feeling like heaven and living in hell.

* * *

The days passed.

Day in and day out like they always did.

Alex wondered what month it was and the day because he had no clue. John never gave much away but Alex knew the pattern of things now. Being woken up for breakfast and dressed for bed were indicators. But they weren't specific.

Alex wish he knew how long he had been here now. It must roughly be around a year, surely, at least. But what frightened Alex the most was forgetting life outside of here. Not remembering the simple silly everyday things. The day he did was the day John won.

And Alex wasn't going to give in. He rolls on his knees and he sighs. He's so bored.

Never having a book to read, never having paper to write on or anything other than the TV he was given and the toys. Alex grew lethargic and lazy. His body always feeling sluggish with lack of nutrients. He felt like shit.

Closing his eyes, Alex tilts his head back and keeps his eyes shut. He wonders where John was, at the moment he wasn't home. Alex was certain today was a weekday, if he was right then John was working. And no doubt he would be in a rotten mood if he was kept late. That had been happening a lot recently, John having to stay behind for meetings.

Which trailed Alex's thoughts back to their discussion the other night in the living room. John telling him information about his family, it wasn't his siblings which interested Alex. It was John's father.

Alex was pretty certain from when they first met that John's father had been alive. He had mentioned him here and there. Unless he had died during his time here as a prisoner then perhaps John had been grieving. Maybe he had and Alex was never told.

That couldn't be it. "No, it couldn't" Alex says to himself.

It didn't make sense. If John and his father had never got along, why would John inherit everything. Alex creased his brow, it just did not add up. Knowing perfectly well that John had other siblings, other brothers better yet, who could carry on the Laurens legacy who weren't homosexual. That would've been more or less up their father's alley rather than have a queer son, who he did not like and hand over everything he had ever worked for. Nah.

Call was calling bullshit. Something was off.

"There's just no way" Alex murmured.

Alex even recalled back when John and him were dating, they had gone out for a meal at some Italian place in East Village. Alex had asked John something and John had to excuse himself quickly because his father was calling. Then John came back to their table, rolling his eyes with a bad attitude. When Alex had asked, John had no far short bit his head off at the question. And had been very sarcastic when addressing his father.

It was strange.

Alex exhales miserably, it wasn't easy keeping this act up. And after the other day, regardless of the mystery behind everything, Alex felt his heart swell over his and John's bonding. It had been so long since he hadn't felt that alone and the John he knew had come back to him for a while. It felt nice.

Reopening his eyes, Alex is looking up at the ceiling.

It hits him. He remembered.

Jumping up Alex practically runs into the ensuite bathroom and he looks to the ceiling.

"The vent" He says to himself.

Alex had remembered the first night he arrived here before he had been drugged and kidnapped. He had seen these big vents down in the main entrance. It was possible they were wide enough to fit through or so he hoped.

And there had been one in John's room too now that he thinks.

Licking his lips, Alex wasted no time in stepping on the toilet seat and he's clambering up on the sink. He grabs on to the top of the shelving unit tightly, he had to make sure he doesn't have them all falling down together. That would be a total give away and John would know exactly what Alex was trying to do.

Alex reaches up and he's prodding at the vent. His arm wasn't long enough, cursing under his breath as he did, Alex hops back down. He has an idea, he grabs the toilet brush from it's holder and then he's back on top of the toilet. Hopping on to the sink's ledge again and gripping the unit. Alex uses the brush to then poke and prod at the vent, if he could pry it open, then they were getting somewhere. Finally.

"Fuck" Alex mutters. He's reaching and stretch with everything he had. "Open, c'mon, open!"

Alex budges and bangs the vent until it eventually gave weigh where the lid flipped open. As it did, dust went everywhere. Alex was coughing and spluttering from it all. And his eyes widened at the mess on the floor. He had to clean this up before anything incase John came back. So that was the first thing Alex did, he's getting down again and grabbing toilet paper to wipe it all up. It took a few minutes to make sure the place was clean again. He could not mess this up.

When he had done getting it off the tiled floor, toilet and sink. Alex slipped off his clothes since he did not want to give any evidence away with dust on them.

He then made a brave attempt to try leaping towards it with a huge bang and as he did, Alex ended up dangling from the vent. Alex winced because his arms were straining now, he wasn't sure if he could pull himself up into it, the dark and dusty hole was calling his name though. This just may be the way out he needed.

It was dangerous though, Alex had no idea just where he may be leading himself into. He could fall down a ditch in these vents from a height and end up dead at the bottom. Alex swallows the fear he had down, it was a risk he had to take if he wanted freedom. He was going to either die or die trying at this point.

"C'mon, c'mon, stupid fucking arms!"

Alex pulls himself right up, he grunts and whines as he did, it was so difficult since his muscle mass had long gone. Alex swings a little to give boost up his spatial awareness. As he did eventually Alex was able to hoist himself upwards using everything he had, it was hard when the surface of the vent was slippery under his fingers. But with the matted dust underneath it gave him some sort of stiffness he could use.

"Fuck, shit, fuck" He huffed as he grimaces pushing himself right up into the vent.

One good thing about missing meals and living on soup was that Alex was so slim he got into the vent no problem. Beforehand he probably may have never been able to during his first day here as prisoner. There was a method in this madness somehow.

Alex used his body to slide across which ever direction he was going, he was dark, stuffy and dust injected into his system. Coughing as he did, Alex managed to curl up his legs, shuffling upwards and he slid right up.

His whole body swallowed into the vent and finally, he was in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't as long but the next one will be, I promise! And yes, finally things are beginning to unfold for you all. Honestly, I do not know how everyone is going to take what happens next but I hope it answers a lot of the questions you may all have about John and his past!
> 
> Thank you for the comments in the last chapter. I love comments, they encourage me so much!
> 
> I hope everyone is staying safe and is well.
> 
> Thanks again!
> 
> PM XO


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